 Comedy: June 08, 2016 Issue [#7683] |
  Comedy
This week: Grumpy Bumpy Edited by: Marci Missing Everyone  
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Hi! It's Marci and I am your Comedy Newsletter editor for the second edition of each month. I wouldn’t consider myself a comedic writer. So then why am I editing the comedy newsletter? Because even the most dramatic, suspenseful, and mysterious works need something called “comic relief” once in a while. So if you are not a natural comedian, then this is the place for you and we shall find comic relief together.
"I'm one of those unlucky people who had a happy childhood." - Jonathan Coe
“The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.” - Jack Handy
“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” – Erma Bombeck
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” ― Franklin P. Adams |
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As I write this, it is Friday afternoon. I’m stuck in the house with my daughter. You see, she has the dreaded Chicken Pox. I know they are mostly gone in the USA, but our family doesn’t vaccinate (and please don’t send a rant about that). And somehow my precious little girl has turned into Grumpy Bumpy.
After we took her to the doctor they determined it was indeed Chicken Pox, and gave her a really low dose of prednisone to help with the itching. She’s been on that for a couple of days now, and if you’ve ever been on prednisone, you know it can make you hungry and moody. So here is a fun list of things that are going on with my once-sweet ten-year-old that might give you a chuckle or two.
1. While rolling her eyes and cutting them sharply over at her brother during a rant session of whatever atrocity he might have committed, she looked over at me and said, “I’m not trying to create drama!” 
2. While telling me she’s starving, she refuses every food or snack suggestion I make. “It’s the wrong kind of cereal. There is no ham. What she wants we don’t have. And what happened to cooking some bacon?” That got cancelled a couple of days ago and that’s what she really wants, but no one will listen to her and cook the bacon. 
3. “When Daddy goes to the store, he won’t buy me any of the food I want. It’s always too expensive. But he buys Trae everything he wants.” Me: “Well what do you want? Daddy is at the store right now, and I’ll have him get it.” Her: “I don’t know what I want. I can’t go to the store and look at the aisle to decide…” This poor baby is stuck in the house until she’s no longer contagious.
4. Daddy gave away her ticket to the ballgame tomorrow night. But she’s still contagious. Her argument. “There won’t be any old people or pregnant women at the game.” Does this child have psychic powers or what?
5. “But why can’t I go to the church cookout?” Because there will be elderly people from church there. “Why do old people come to the cookout? It’s not like they can play or anything.” I’m about ready to strangle her at this point.
6. “Mom, nothing is going right in my life right now. I might as well just sleep the whole day tomorrow since I can’t go anywhere.” That’s fine by me, baby. Then I won’t have to listen to you “not create drama.”
And just think, by Monday she will not be contagious anymore, but that’s when all the fun stuff is over, and her life is ruined. It’s terrible to have your life ruined at ten years old, and all because you had the chicken pox.
PS... It is now Monday, and she has gone from being Grumpy Bumpy to Scabby Abby... I know, she's going to be scarred for life both inside and out! 
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When I read this I really cracked up! My daughter is 10, but it still fits her well.
This is a perfect piece for mother's to think about. Why not make your own list?
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Very cute dialogue!!!
I have a teenaged son. This would be one of my biggest fears!
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| We had no mail from the last newsletter. That was a bummer, but hopefully, we will generate some funny stories or nicknames from this one. Send me a note on a humorous nickname for one of your children or someone you know. Or, send me a funny story about a childhood illness. You can find comedy in anything. |
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