 Spiritual: July 20, 2016 Issue [#7751] |
  Spiritual
This week: What are we saying to our kids? Edited by: THANKFUL SONALI RIP BIKERIDER  
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| A conversation with a friend recently got me thinking. In trying to make it okay to have issues, are we making it cool? Are we forgetting that children don't already have pre-set notions about things, and giving them the wrong idea in the bargain? |
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Dear Reader,
I remember when I was about six or seven years old. There was a lady in our apartment house who had married a man who was divorced, with a son. One day, I heard someone refer to the lady as 'J's step mother'. I couldn't wait to get my parents alone to ask them -- did J have a step mother? Was he, therefore, starving, and slaving away at all the tasks that nobody else wanted to do? Was someone going to abandon him in the forest with no food or shelter?
My ideas of step mothers had, obviously, been formed through the reading of fairy tales like Cinderella. My parents told me that the 'step mother' was someone who had often ridden in the elevator with us (really?) and was a kind and polite lady. I had even visited her apartment and seen her pet bird and got a pretty feather, one that the birdie had shed, as a gift from her.
My mind reeled. Step mothers lived in apartment houses, were not cruel or mean, they even rode elevators and had pets and gave children pretty gifts. I can't recall exactly why, but I do remember that the elevator thing was a biggie for my child self. Step mothers rode elevators.
This whole memory was brought back because I had a conversation with a friend recently about something that happened in her ten-year-old daughter's class. One of her daughter's classmates apparently went home from school one day to announce to her Dad, in her Mom's presence, that, if Mom yelled too much or bugged them too much, they could get another house and live without her. It was called separation and was perfectly okay.
It turned out that another student in class came from a broken home and the teacher had tried to tell the kids it was okay. It seems the message that came through was that separation was an instant solution to minor family disruptions.
Knowing how much the 'step mother' remark had impacted me as a child, I wonder what this teacher's good intentions had done to this child, and maybe other children. Is this kid going to think, for some months or years to come, that her Dad is being stubborn for not leaving the house with her when the Mom yells? Is this going to hinder mother-daughter interactions? (I don't have to listen to you, Dad and I can leave the house ... )? Am I overreacting to a little incident my friend narrated to me?
I sincerely hope 'yes' about my overreaction, but I wonder. Words do impact kids, especially words that come from a recognised authority like a teacher. For example, I know of kids who wanted to spoil their eyes and get glasses because another child in class had got them and the teacher had tried to say how nice it looked.
What does this mean, for parents, teachers and writers of children's stories?
Frankly, I don't know.
There are no quick-fix solutions to walking the tightrope between being sensitive to someone going through a situation and giving the wrong message to a child who isn't facing that situation. The message has to come across that while having separated parents is okay, it's not cool or desirable. That working out differences in families is important. The message needs to come through that while wearing spectacles is necessary if the eyes are weak, it's not so fashionable that a child has to purposely spoil his or her eyes to get them.
How?
Again, I don't know. I guess each person has to work out their own way of conveying these messages.
All I'm saying is, in being sensitive one way -- please, please don't be insensitive the other way.
Thanks for listening!
Sonali |
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Thank you for the responses to "Spiritual Newsletter (January 14, 2015)" !
Jeff 
I love traveling to new countries and, as I speak only English, I often run into situations where I don't understand the native language. I always make it a point to learn certain phrases in the native tongue of the place I'm visiting; I've found that people are much more willing to be helpful and friendly if you're polite and make an effort to say basic things like "hello," "please," "thank you," and "excuse me, do you speak English?" in their native language.
I have friends and family members who hate traveling internationally because they don't understand other languages and claim that other cultures are cold and unfriendly... but almost all of those people's international experiences have been the result of automatically assuming others will understand or accommodate their native language rather than at least showing some willingness to stumble through an unfamiliar language themselves in an effort to be polite and respectful. It's amazing how different a conversation can be when you're accommodating and polite rather than rude and suspicious! 
Elfin Dragon-finally published 
I love the points of this particular newsletter Sonali. And although it's in regards to the different regions of India; it can also hold true to the different States of the U.S. With 50 different states although we all (or the vast majority of us) speak English, there are as many different cultures and languages spoken here as there are around the world. And often enough it's just their accent which can let others know which State they hail from. Someone from New York City will sound very different from someone born in California. And people new to the States are still learning English, making them stand out more. And unfortunately we still have hatred of other cultures, races and people just being different because of what they learned from parents, friends, relatives, or someone else. In conclusion, people are not so different. No matter what country they're from.
Zeke
Suspicion is easy. Trust on the other hand is difficult. |
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