 Comedy: September 07, 2016 Issue [#7827] |
  Comedy
This week: Pre-Approved junk mail? Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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Every so often I need to go on my rant about unsolicited emails, texts, phone calls and even good old fashioned snail mail. This is one of those times although its focus is mainly with postal deliveries. |
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It is September, and that means WDC is celebrating another birthday. Congratulations on your Sweet Sixteenth, The StoryMaster & The StoryMistress
September is also my anniversary as one of your Comedy Newsletter editors. It has been eight years. Time does fly.  Each month, spending time with you, has been a real honor and pleasure for me. So on to the letter ...
We all get those unsolicited items, such as pre-approved credit cards, insurance and burial plans, along with charitable and political donation requests via the USPS. We dig deep into our mailboxes trying to find some sort of correspondence that would make us smile, such as a greeting card or item we sent away for earlier that week. What we inevitably end up pulling out of those boxes are a pile of Ads, and even more cleverly designed business envelopes containing junk. That's right, I said junk. You'd think with the money saving uses of email and social media, we wouldn't be getting so many of them in the form of physical mail. Yeah, right.  This morning, I opened one of those long envelopes and read that I had been specifically chosen to receive this particular offer.
Fact: No, I cannot be enticed by a $200 Visa Reward Card, if I just call Direct TV now and say, “Yes, sign me up for a two year contract.” Of course I understand by agreeing to this, I will have all the restrictions, taxes, service fees and equipment rental. And, yes, I absolutely do get the part about, if I do agree to the aforementioned offer, they will throw in free HBO, Showtime and Starz and Cinemax! That will only be for the first three months, understand, but we are certain once you get hooked on one of the great series offered on those channels, you’d be willing to pay $100 more per month, because it’s just that good. Oh, now that we’ve really got your attention and you are are just chomping at the bit to give us a call, please be advised that this special limited offer is only available to you, whom we have handpicked to send this invitation to with all those benefits therein described. One more teeny, weeny little thing is required, and then you can start watching all of your favorite shows, and discover new ones you have been missing. You are only required to dump your Verizon carrier and switch over to ATT. That’s it, that’s all there is to it!
Really? Is that all? I change my cell phone carrier plan and tie myself down to a two year contract not only with an ATT contract, but also with Direct TV? However, by agreeing to this, I will receive a guaranteed 145 channels for the two years of the agreed upon contract for only $50.00 per month. That great value aside, there will be an added bonus. I will get a few premium channels for three months to tease me into adding them into a higher priced package when the ninety days are up. I see it all so clearly now. How on earth could I resist such and offer that was specifically handpicked for me?
However, I now get over 250 channels with Dish and there’s still nothing to watch, night after night. So, I can imagine how much less I have to watch with only 140 channels. Thank goodness for Amazon Prime, because I have much better choices for the price. Which makes me wonder why I even need Dish, anymore. However, I live out in the country, you know, that “last mile” still outside the FIOS connection, thus making my internet speed much slower for downloading movies. Yet, it’s worth the wait considering many of the television program choices.
Side note: WebWitch doesn’t bundle. I also place my up North Dish on hibernation, pay a minimal fee to keep it in existence until I return, and live happily without it down South. That’s when I catch up on all the videos of series I have placed on my to be watched list.
Commercials? Have you noticed that they eat up about one-third of the television programs? I mean, I’m paying to have television channels, where the higher tier is constantly repeating the same movies, and in the lower tier I’m stuck with commercials, unless I record ahead of time and skip through them. That’s getting to be a hassle, too. And also notice that they are ten times louder than the show you were just watching. Okay, right, like yelling your product at me is going to make me want it more? Ugh,ughhh!
My “On Demands” ... Do me a favor, telemarketers, email-bombers, cell phone calling, nagging scammers, place me on your undesirable list. Mark me as the one who is not going to answer a call from anyone not on my contact list, who will not reply to your emails, ever, who is insulted by your texting my phone because I won’t answer your calls. However if you are unlucky enough to have me answer your call because I’m in a really bad mood and need someone to vent a whole lot of unseemly words at, please be patient and listen until I’m through. And don’t bother moving the phone further away from your ears because my range of vocal chords could make regular television commercials pale by comparison.
Here’s another little hint, snail-mailers: Save postage, save paper, and save sanity. If I want to change my particular telecommunications carriers, I’ll look up my options online. I won’t need your wasted words on wasted papers. Save a tree and let me be!
There, I’ve done my unsolicited rant for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Until next time-- laugh hard, laugh often, and hang-up loudly!
Enjoy all the birthday celebrations, folks! See you next month. 
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| | The Donut (13+)
A policeman with a donut addiction must lose weight to keep his job.
#2076514 by Dee  |
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Feedback from my last Comedy Newsletter: "Comedy Newsletter (August 10, 2016)"
Creeper Of The Realm 
 GoT became all the craze this year! I'm already planning things for next year and perhaps, just perhaps, something in between. 
Thank you so much for sharing your GoT experience with the rest of the WdC world! Really happy that you had a good time. Before I forget, I'd love to see a list of fast cooked meals GoT style! I might add it to the GoT Memoirs. 
It was the truth and nothing but the GoT-Dang truth, Baby!  I will get those GoT quick recipes together, soon. And, I already see those gears turning in your head planning next year's Game. Stop it!
LostGhost: Seeking & Learning
It seems the whitewalkers are immortalized forever now. I should frame the newsletter and display it in my office.
We are -- and you really should! I can imagine it hanging in your office. Everyone will be wondering what the heck that's all about! Happy you decided to join the White Walkers, LG! 
SB Musing 
I love how well you describe the GoT craziness! There are so many details of this crazy game of eating so much bacon late at night and in the morning. I totally would review 5 items before I rewarded myself with bacon.
I had the best fun and I'm the one with the lips! Those coffee and bacon breaks were essential. I'm kind of lost since "Game of Thrones" finished and you know I need review lists to get back into my machine reviewing again. I couldn't have asked for more fun, crazy, and a better way to spend my July! I'm so glad you asked me to join the White Walkers and it was a blast. 
Believe me, I'm so happy you agreed to join White Walkers. You were a reviewing machine, kiddo! I thanked God each night for inventing bacon. We had a great team, everyone had fun in-between the craziness, and that's what kept us strong. Frozen dead peeps on bacon -- what could be more natural? 
Jeannie 
Reading this newsletter brought it all back into focus again. Throughout the days of July, names became blurry as you went from one battle to the next. I remember becoming panicked when I couldn't find two items to review that interested me. I didn't eat bacon, though, just had a good breakfast and didn't eat until dinner. I sometimes ate these packaged up blueberry pies to tide me over. GoT put you through the paces, but it's fun, too; and you're glad when it comes to an end. Then you feel lost, wandering the halls of WDC, wanting some action. Thank you for dedicating this letter to House Martell, and the other great houses. White Walkers made themselves known in a big way, and I can't wait to see the final outcome. Another great newsletter, WW!
Oh, so the Martells thrive on blueberry pies, eh? Toss bacon into the mix and you guys will be indestructible. Yes, I know that lost feeling of wandering the halls of WDC right after GoT ends. It does take a couple weeks to get your normalcy back. 
Thank you for the feedback, and congratulations on House Martell's placing third in the Games.
LJPC - the tortoise 
Hi WW! I loved the GOT hilarity about language and time and math and science! I have to admit those paled in comparison to the Great Bacon Splurge! It sounds so yummy... 
~ Laura
Ah, yes, the great bacon splurge. I swear SB and Doc would be talkin' bacon all the time. I didn't mind because they did like three million reviews between them. I exaggerate a tad, here, but you get the picture. All of that language, math and science did happen. I just can't remember why, anymore! I think it's like the pains of childbirth and how cute little bundles of joy make you forget all that so in a couple years, you are willing to go through it again. I guess we GoTers need to forget the pain, so we dare join up again next year. 
papadoc1
WW! What a great NL this one was! None of us expected this experience to leave you with Post-GoT-em Blues - - - but luckily, that's why you have ME in your life!!  I could not have made it through all of this, all month long, pell mell, hell's bells, without you near me day in and day out!!
You should be SO PROUD of what you've accomplished!
I know as a TEAM we most definitely are...
Naturally, waiting all these weeks for a Final Tally is like..... ....
Truly, next year, there shall be injunctions as to how long prep requirements will be in order to close out competitions. Its that simple.
THANK YOU Lovey Dovey Webbie  for ALL that you did!!
WereLock & Icylyn
You are very welcome, sweet man. Just don't change your username at the end of GoT, while reviews are being credited. It confuses the judges. Since the last newsletter we've found out that all our hard work paid off -- White Walkers won! Thank for all your powerful mega-reviews! Couldn't have done this without you! 
A Question from Comedy Newletter "Comedy Newsletter (July 13, 2016)"
Jacqueline
hello web witch thank you for your newsletter, can you tell me what is game of thrones.. I know of the movie/TV show. does it have something to do with writing or is it an acuter on line game? Please forgive me for my ignorance. Thank you for your news letter they make me smile and sometimes bring me out of my depression state. From Jacqui
"Game of Thrones" Is a yearly event, created by Creeper Of The Realm. It is an intense month of reviewing and writing and other activities. By the end of the month players are walking the halls of WDC looking a bit frazzled. I was a very proud team leader when the scoring came in, because White Walkers won first place. 
I know you will notice us again next year. You probably will be reviewed by teams running around with many different House Banners. All you have to do is enjoy being spoiled, throw some cheers out there for your favorite team, or hop on the bandwagon yourself and get into the craziest month on WDC..
Thank you for your feedback folks! We editors really appreciate it.
See you in Spooktober! 
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