 Romance/Love: December 21, 2016 Issue [#8020] |
  Romance/Love
This week: While the Sun is Shining Edited by: THANKFUL SONALI back on Jan 4  
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So much of a relationship involves communication.
And maybe, a bit of pre-communication, so that when communication slows down, the spadework done earlier helps. |
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Dear Reader,
Maybe it's because I'm single. Maybe it is because I have the most wonderfully understanding Dad ever. Maybe it's because I have a spare bedroom. Maybe it's because there are always cookies in the cookie jar. (Or maybe it's because I'm nice!)
Whatever be the reason, I find that I am sometimes called upon to play host to irate wives who have walked out of home, having thrown something at their respective husbands' heads before leaving. The last lady to appear was carrying an overnight bag.
A few cookies, some tea, maybe a tear or two later, they start asking: "Will he laugh at me if I go home now?" And a little while after that, a sheepish man shows up at the door, asking, 'Is she here?' and trying to hide his face.
Now I know they love each othser. Every time, that has been the one thing that has stood out. They love each other, it's just that something has triggered a raw nerve or pushed a wrong button at that moment. Something was the last straw on a pent up issue. Something -- was --- something (fill in with whatever your experiences tell you to) and she couldn't stay a minute longer.
Now, they love each other and they want to make up.
BUT ...
The three letter word comes in. EGO.
How can I be the one to go back / say 'come back'?
Won't that prove that I'm in the wrong? Why should I go out of my way to prove that I'm in the wrong? I'm not in the wrong. I'm in the right. S/he was the one who ...
Often, this prolongs the fight, or enhances the bitterness. The ego that makes it difficult to kiss and make up tries to throw up excuses, to blame the other.
Now, I'm no relationship expert. But I've dispensed some tea and cookies, so I'm going to take the liberty of dispensing some advice to you, my poor, innocent readers.
Fix the roof while the sun is shining.
Don't wait till you have had a fight, to decide what to do in the event of a fight. Have a plan. (To those who are familiar with Harry Potter, remember the Deluminator that Dumbledore gave Ron, because he knew that Ron would always want to come back.)
So plan it, so that it doesn't become an ego issue, it just becomes doing what we'd said we'd do. For example: "If I walk out with a suitcase, wait three hours, then buy two boxes of chocolates and come to Sonali's house. Give one box of chocolates to Sonali and one to me, take me home and leave Sonali there." See what I mean? So much simpler than wondering, "Will he show up? When?" "Should I show up? When?" and so on. It's all something we had decided before.
I know, I know, it sounds funny now. But honestly, those are good cookies and I feel pangs when they're gulped down like that without even being chewed or tasted. "Sho he takesh hish mother (gulps the chunk of cookie without noticing it) out for coffee and he hasn't taken me out in months!" (Picks another cookie and puts in in the mouth, whole, not noticing Sonali cringing.)
If nothing else, it would help me to ration out the supply of cookies, to know that I have to hold the fort for three hours till he comes. Don't make it less than three hours. It takes three hours to get all the gossip for her to vent it all out so that she's ready for sex to talk calmly after that.
And being a gal, I'm agony aunt to other gals. I don't really know what the equivalent guy thing is. Whatever it is, you figure out how you're going to solve it between you. (Golf? Food, according to his Mamma's recipe? Sex?)
Jokes aside, young couples. Or established couples. Make up your plan to make up (clever!  ) before you need to. Save the cookies!! 
Lve,
Sonali.
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Watching her walk away and can't do a thing about it
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