 Comedy: February 22, 2017 Issue [#8138] |
  Comedy
This week: A Blizzard? Must Go Shopping! Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas  
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Cabin fever? I can see the wheels turning in your heads -- especially you hardy Northerners. Nothing keeps you from a bargain when there is one or two random stores open during a snow storm ... |
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Hello folks! Welcome to another edition of the Comedy Newsletter. This one is dedicated to all of you living up North, who have been hit with recent Nor’Easters, Blizzards, freezing rain/snow mix or just plain frigid temperatures keeping you from getting outdoors as much as you’d like.
During one of the recent blizzards in my home state, Massachusetts, I had a talk with my son, a tech supervisor at Staples. He called me after he reached home safely, as I asked him to do. Mothers worry about their kids even if they are adults. He said they were called and told to close the store at 2:00 that afternoon. (Already there was more than a foot of snow on the ground.) Frankly, considering they were expecting around 18” of snow, I wondered why they even wanted them to open the store at all, that day. Nevertheless, they were open, even though schools were called closed the night before the storm, in anticipation of the snow, disregarding the reports from town after town stating that people should stay off the roads unless it was an emergency or an absolute need to be traveling. Thus making it easier for the plows to work through the massive job of snow removal -- which will end up as huge snow banks, lying in wait, until the gale winds hit and transplant the snow into what is lovingly referred to as “drifts.”
I asked Web-Son if anybody really needed to go to a Staples during a Nor’Easter. I mean, it’s not like it’s a grocery store that sells bread, milk and eggs -- you know, all the things that fly off the shelves when impending snow storms, or hurricanes are approaching. I don’t know what it is about serious weather-events that gives people the urge to make French Toast, nevertheless, it is what it is -- and it’s what we do, at least in New England.
“So, Web-Son, it must have been pretty boring today, hanging around a store when nobody is on the road. I’m surprised they kept you that long. Did even one person show up?”
“Mom, we have a people-counter at the door. By the time we left the store, the counter showed 97 people entered, today.”
I was shocked, folks -- shocked! I couldn’t fathom what important items someone would have to get to warrant going out on the roads during such bad weather.
“So, you mean to tell me, people took a chance driving on hazzardous roads because they ran out of paperclips?” 
My son proceeded to tell me about some of the customers and what they just had to have on the day nearly all businesses were closed.
One guy came into the store and asked him for a label maker.
“Oh, thank God you guys are open! I’ve been driving for two hours, because Boston is closed -- do you hear me? The capital of this state is closed, today -- no stores open, all shut down. So I drove until I found this place.”
Web-Son: “Must be something very important needing labeling, to make you come out and travel so far in this weather. Couldn’t it wait until tomorrow?”
Customer: “But, today is the day I always do labels. Since the office is closed, I couldn’t get in to use the one in there, so, I had to come out here to buy one.” 
Poster Child's Parent:
An irritated parent had to get a poster board for his kid’s school project.
Like the kid didn’t have advanced knowledge of the project coming due. I guess since there was a snow day, he had another chance to throw something together to bring to school the next day. That poor parent saved his bacon from the wrath of detention, risking skids and snow bank landings, to get the poster board.
Fax -- just the Fax, Man!
Another customer just had to get a Fax out -- on that day! My son sets it up, and sends out the Fax. Guess what folks? Yup, there was no answer on the other end. Why? Because the business expecting the Fax was closed, along with the fax machine -- yes, closed because of the blizzard.
The customer starts yelling at my son, saying he will contact corporate headquarters and make a complaint that Staples cannot even do the simple task of sending a Fax.  You can’t make this stuff up, folks.
“Y” Me?
Someone needed a Y format type of printer. Not yesterday, not tomorrow, but today, when the plows are buzzing like snow-drones, up and down the streets and through the parking lot.
The Coup de gras!
As the afternoon started winding down, there was still one stubborn customer hanging around, preventing the store from closing. When asked if she needed any help, she responded: “No thank you, I’m just looking at these office chairs.
“Just looking?” Okay, some people just can’t deal with being stuck indoors, even if it’s snowing hard and the winds are blowing at 60 MPH. We all dance to the beat of a different drum, but did she have to drag her toddler out in the storm with her to look at chairs? Not buy, 'mind you, just look. I guess the babysitter didn’t show up. Why? Because there is a Nor’Easter out there, and everything -- except Staples, is closed.
May the rest of your winter be kind to you, my brave Northern friends!
That’s all she wrote for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
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Joy 
Oh, WW! Such comedy and I am still laughing!
Snowbirds do just fine in a rented mobile after all the stormy scares are gone.
Before we moved down here, I did the opposite of snowbirding. Because I developed weed allergies and asthma in LI, I kept coming down during the hurricane season, no less, to a condo we had bought on a lark. After a couple of seasons like that, since my hubby couldn't deal with the amassed dishes in the sink, he decided we should move down permanently. Thus came the house, later. Luckily it was already built in place and didn't have to drive itself. 
Somehow I can picture that scene! Good thing you got a place that stays in place, down here.
Eventually I will sell my Northern home and make a commitment to stay South. Or not, I just don't know right now. I've got a money pit that I love all summer, part of spring and fall, but towards the frosty season, I really can't wait to get back in my tine can. My son speaks of the 18 inches of snow on the ground in MA, while I tell him I swam in the pool and sunbathed half the afternoon.
You're right, though, we snowbirds do fine in the mobile homes. We also are snug and safe up North during hurricane season. 
Thanks for the feedback, Joy! 
LJPC - the tortoise 
Hi WW! I remember there being a trailer show in the parking lot of the nearby strip mall in our town. I was just in high school, and they seemed really cool at the time. And do you remember the old Lucille Ball movie? The Long, Long Trailer. Hilarious!
~ Laura
I loved that movie, The Long, Long Trailer!
We actually rent a "manufactured home," in a mobile home community. The home is only "mobile" while riding on a flatbed. It actually has no "wheels." But it can still be in danger of going mobile, by flying apart during a hurricane.
papadoc1
Hey WW! Funny note while pondering how poorly the Federal Government postal operations have been going lately, and now.....now I am reading about how someone's HOUSE got "mailed" to the wrong locale! Will miracles ever cease?!?!?!?! 
Mailed? 
Okay, so I embellished a little about the flat tire -- it was actually a pilot car malfunction, which was needed to get the house safely to its destination over the highways. It was after all a wide load, even split in half! They did manage to deliver it to the right lot -- once it got through the gates! 
MadMan at Large
Web Witch, you really need to travel more, if you think that Florida is the only place with trailer parks! Seriously.
See the response to Laura's comment above. I never said Florida was the only place with trailer parks. Florida does have a large population of snowbirds, making mobile home communities very desirable. Our community doesn't have any campers or trailers in the park, thus it's not a "trailer park."
"Travel more?" I've lived in four times zones, traveled across and around the country, horizontally and vertically more than once, and also out of the country. I think that I am well-traveled, don't you agree?  Well, I haven't been to the Space Station, yet ... must put that on my bucket list.
Thank you for your feedback, folks. We editors really appreciate it!
See you in the spring. 
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