 Comedy: March 08, 2017 Issue [#8167] |
  Comedy
This week: Birds of Hawai'i Edited by: Robert Waltz  
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I was eating in a Chinese restaurant downtown. There was a dish called Mother and Child Reunion. It's chicken and eggs. And I said, I gotta use that one.
-Paul Simon
A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.
-Henny Youngman
The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved; the pig is committed.
-Martina Navratilova |
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During my recent three-week sojourn on the tropical island paradise of Maui, I noticed a few differences in the flora and fauna of that volcanic island from that of the mainland.
Now, I'm no expert in biology or taxonomy, so to me these differences involved palm trees and mynah birds. And I'm pretty sure I've seen palm trees on the mainland. Maybe that was Florida, though, which doesn't count.
Mynah birds are everywhere on the island, though. They're like pigeons in New York City, only there aren't too many statues for them to decorate. They plug along on the road, almost inviting people to run them over. You don't want to do that, though, because it would strike the wrong chord with the locals - that chord being A Flat Mynah.
The main difference between Maui and the dreary mainland, though, is that on Maui, the poultry is truly free-range. Chickens run around everywhere, pecking at things and crossing roads. I asked one why it crossed a road, but it just looked at me like I wanted to eat it. To be fair, I did.
Something about roaming around free, though, I think it does something to poultry. Most poultry exists for the sole reason of providing me with protein, but I think evolution has worked on these chickens and given them some rudimentary sense of self-preservation.
One fine evening, right around sunset (which, honestly, if you've never seen a sunset from Maui, you haven't lived), I was at this street fair. I'd just finished enjoying a fine chicken curry taco (Maui's food is nothing if not eclectic) from a food truck when I saw a rooster under a tree.
It wasn't a palm tree, but that's about all I know about that tree. It sat low to the ground as trees go, with a canopy that started about my chest level and extended upward maybe twice my height. The leaves of this particular tree clustered dense and thick, preventing anyone from seeing too far into the branches.
The rooster, from his vantage point on a rock below the tree, had no such issue. He could see up into the canopy, and man, was there something in there he wanted. He shifted from foot to foot, head bobbing and twisting as he turned first one eye, then the other, to whatever it was that had caught his attention.
He kept fluffing out his wings, and going on tiptoe, testing himself. Whatever it was up in that canopy, he wanted it. He needed it, like you need your coffee in the morning or like I need a drink right now. Nothing else in the world mattered to that rooster, and by Haleakala, he was going to go for it. I have no idea what it was he wanted, or even what it could have been. Doesn't matter.
We watched in silence, me and a small crowd of fellow apes. The rooster paid no attention to us, but continued to bounce and peck at the air, and test his wings.
Finally he folded up his drumsticks, spread his wings and launched himself into the tree.
The canopy rustled.
And from behind the opaque screen of leaves, we hear:
COCK-A-DOODLE-DOOOOOOOOO!
So if nothing else, I learned at least three things in Maui:
1) If you see something you want, go for it.
2) It's okay to crow about it when you've reached your goal.
and
3) The above is much easier if you're a cock. |
Just some comedy from all around:
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I really had a good belly-roll over the "time-travel" and the "librarian" protestors. Good stuff.