 Comedy: September 06, 2017 Issue [#8479] |
  Comedy
This week: The Resurrection of Ruby! Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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Happy 17th Birthday, WDC!  
Yes! I can finally say these words, "It is I, WebWitch, reporting from my Northern Command Center." 
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As we party on, celebrating the birthday month, we can also bid farewell to the summer. Autumn is approaching the Northern Hemisphere. And, as always it is my honor and pleasure to be your Comedy Newsletter editor for this special edition. Not only is it WDC’s anniversary, but this month makes nine years for me, as an editor for this Newsletter. And, in those nine years I never missed one single issue, (no matter how many times you begged me to.) That’s a lot of Comedy Newsletters, folks! 
When we last left off, Ruby was awaiting her drive shaft to arrive in Florida, via, Sweden, then held up in customs once in New York. What you didn't know was the following week I got a call from the mechanic telling me the drive shaft was the wrong size! Wrong size?!!! Was I going to have to wait weeks more for my Ruby to come back to me?
No! That was the last straw. I hung up the phone after finding out the latest news that the drive shaft was a wrong fit for Ruby. Then my tirade began ...
"Ruby, I love ya baby, but I'm going home. Did you hear me? You let me down, you abandoned me for three months, and couldn't cooperate enough to fit into your drive shaft?"
In between my language bleep-bleeps, Web-Lock, managed to decipher that Ruby was not only not ready, but there was no telling when she would be ready.
I got online, and ordered plane tickets North. I have no Ruby in Florida, so what difference would it make having no Ruby in New England? Within three days, we were flying back home, my brother picking us up at the airport, and finally able to enter my Northern Command center, my very own, money pit of the North.
It was two days before the start of "Game of Thrones" and I had a house that was awaiting unpacking, dusting and freshening of covers and curtains that sat there throughout late fall until late summer. The plastic bins that kept some of my dishes, towels and sheets from picking up months of dust, so I could use them right away, was a very smart idea. I learn more shortcuts each year of traveling. Since GoT was beginning soon after getting home, I prepared for that upcoming contest and postponed the rest of the unpacking. The day after GoT started, less than a week after hearing the drive shaft didn't fit, I got a call from my mechanic telling me that Ruby was done! Done! Three days after I fly home, Ruby's done? I could have waited less than a week if I knew she'd be done, and then drive home in her and have her to drive places once I got home. But, nooooooooo, she waited until I flew home, and then got cured of her ills.
I had to figure how to get Ruby back home to me from Florida, so I called the shipper of cars, and set up a time to get Ruby from the mechanic and returned to me. That went well.
Before Ruby made it home that week, I had a doctor's appointment, and since I wasn't expecting my car for a week, made plans to rent a car for a few days -- problem was, we had to get to the car rental place. So, I call for a cab. Have you any idea what a Yellow Cab costs when you live in a remote wooded area? A trip to go five miles cost fifty dollars. That's more than the cost of renting the car per day. But all that nasty stuff aside, the next week my Ruby returned home to me. The 18 wheeler, pulled up and unloaded her. I went to get the receipt from him, and he told me. "When I put her up on the carrier, I tried to set her emergency brakes. You know something, they don't work. Thank you, you have a good day, and don't forget to call Adam if you want me to bring your car back to Florida in the fall."
 "Ruby! You're emergency brakes are kaput?! Okay, love, I know you have a thing for mechanics, but this is just getting ridiculous!"
Thankfully, I've been ensconced for a full month in GoT, which kept my mind off Ruby troubles and what needs to be done in the money pit before I go back South. It was quite an adventure. I never wrote so many stories and poems as I did in August. But you might as well know it now ... GoT 2017 is officially my retirement GoT. Now the White Walkers can go back to sleep for another century or so. Did you hear that Oh Mistress of Torture? Or maybe, just maybe I want all the Royals to sleep easier for a year thinking we will just go away. You'll just have to stay tuned.  Creeper Of The Realm  You did a fabulous job running the famous -- or is it infamous? Game of Thrones. Thank you for hosting the Game. As always, it was a huge success! 
Okay, where was I?
Oh, yeah ...
Sssssh, Ice Witch is sleeping, 
 Enjoy all the birthday festivities, folks! 
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
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Monty 
Well If I quit laughing over your story of Ruby and BTW what is her home country?? Good luck on getting her off the lift and back home 
Ruby is from Sweden, Monty.  She fell in love with my mechanic. It was all very sordid, indeed.  Thanks for the feedback, Monty!
papadoc1
Thank God, Ruby is out of that man's clutches! (Did that sound right? "Clutches?" Oh hell, its an AUTOMATIC, 4 WD, what is my worry?!?!
WELCOME HOME, Ruby! 
Indeed, Doc. It's good to have Ruby home.
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