 Comedy: December 13, 2017 Issue [#8649] |
  Comedy
This week: The War Continues Edited by: Waltz Invictus  
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I am a veteran of the War on Christmas. I am just emerging from a battlefield strewn with dead trees and torn shreds of brightly colored wrapping paper.
-Henry Rollins
The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.
-Sun Tzu
Maybe Christmas, the Grinch thought, doesn't come from a store.
-Dr. Seuss |
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I didn't start the War on Christmas.
I didn't start it, but now, like it or not, I'm fighting it.
It started out innocently enough. In an effort to be inclusive of as many people, with their differing beliefs and practices, as possible, someone, long before I was born, chose to wish people "Happy Holidays" or "Seasons Greetings." This was not, as is commonly asserted by perpetrators of Fake News, an attempt to be "politically correct." It is, as they say, just business. Good business requires that you include as many potential customers as possible.
You'd think the political wing that claims to best understand business would realize this. Perhaps they're not as business-friendly as their PR department tries to make us believe?
So, here I am, down in the trenches where you put me. Flak jacket, helmet, and pen - or at least keyboard - fighting the battle in the only way I know how.
Now, I'm not going to try to define Christmas for you. It's not my holiday, and I don't get to do that. I've heard it's a religious observance. I've also heard it has a secular meaning - this makes sense to me, as I live in a nominally secular country and always got the day off. Any day off is good, and if someone wants to wish me a merry Christmas, hey, I'm all for that, because I don't have to work. It's automatically going to be merry.
But it seems like I've already helped to win some of the battles. I went into a grocery store on the day before Thanksgiving (like a moron) just to pick up a few things. Going in, I braced myself for a barrage of holiday music - and was pleasantly surprised to hear Rolling Stones instead of Bing Crosby. This pleased me - though I did wonder at the wisdom of a store blasting "You Can't Always Get What You Want." That seems counterproductive. Shouldn't it be "You Can Always Get What You Want Because If You Don't See It, We May Have It In The Back Or We Can Order It For You!"? To me, that makes just as good business sense as putting up Happy Holidays signs.
Went into the same store a week later and it was festive holiday music. But that's okay. It was *after* Thanksgiving at that point. So maybe at least the Christmas Creep battle is being won.
Point is, I don't care what holidays you celebrate, or how you celebrate them (well... within the bounds of legality and sanity, anyway). I don't care if you don't celebrate holidays at all. Go wild. Be merry. Be solemn. Whatever. Hanukkah, Solstice, Festivus, Kwanzaa, Weasel Stomping Day , ancient celebrations, modern inventions, parodies, feasts, fasts... whatever it is, have a great one.
And stop the war already.
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Some funnies - mostly unrelated to holidays or war:
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Last time, in "Power!" , I talked about my quest for ultimate power.
🌖 HuntersMoon  : I read with great sympathy your fear of losing the internet and your Trumpian need for infinite power  . Then, it occurred to me - what if your cable provider (who I assume is somewhat local) loses there power? Phhhht. No internet. ((Sigh)) The best laid plans ... 
For that, I have a hotspot (called FBI Surveillance Van) on my mobile. But it runs the battery down fast, so I still need the infinite power.
Quick-Quill  : I loved this newsletter. It was so funny and apropos. I have no idea what it has to do with writing, but you got your idea across with finesse. Keep writing!
Everything has something to do with writing.
Elfin Dragon-finally published  : Man, infinite power...that would be nice. But, I live in a studio apt. and have to put up with brown-outs, blackouts, water-outs...and whatever else they want to throw at me. LOLL
Hopefully you're at least near a bar?
And that's it for me for 2017! Until next year,
LAUGH ON!!! |
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