 Comedy: April 18, 2018 Issue [#8853] |
  Comedy
This week: To GordonRamsayThanks for Everything,WW Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas  
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My sincere thanks to the late Patrick Swaze for giving me the idea for a needed title for this Comedy Newsletter. You are missed, sir! To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar. |
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How do I begin, folks? It started off quite expectedly, boy meets girl, boy and girl become a couple. Let’s take a ride in the famous WebWitch time machine!
Years ago, while WebLock and I were getting to know each other through voluminous emails and texts. It was a pivotal time in our lives as we both had suffered the pain of marriages that had gone sour. By then, poor WebLock was working double shifts and barely had time for a decent sit-down meal. I on the other hand, am an accomplished cook. (If I may say so, myself.) WebLock asked what I made my then teenage son, for dinner on a random weekday night, answering his own question, “hot dogs, perhaps?” Oh, no, WL. Tonight, my son and I are having broiled fish, salad and homemade Italian bread.
“Whoa, WebWitch, do you mean you are cooking that meal and baking bread too? Or, are you going out to eat?"
“I am cooking the meal, WL, as I do each and every night. I’m not made of money. Going out to dine is a luxury that is partook of perhaps once or twice per month.”
"Wow, WW, that sounds so awesome! Today I was so rushed working in the hospital that I grabbed a package of Raman noodles and brought them to work. Unfortunately, an emergency came up cutting into my lunch plans, thus I just opened the package and bit into the dry noodles. It’s not so bad because the dry noodles swell a bit when they hit the stomach making me feel full and able to keep working.”
 “Dry Ramen? OMG, WL, that’s pretty harsh. You need better nutrition, and, when you arrive at my home you will eat well.”
And it was true, folks. The day WL arrived, I made extra-large shrimp with cocktail sauce. He scarfed those down like it was his last meal. Then I interrupted him and explained that the shrimp was merely lunch, and that a roast pork shoulder is in the oven, low and slow cooking for hours. That would be our dinner.
“Wait, you’re telling me that the shrimp wasn’t the meal of the day? You are really cooking again for dinner? So, do you do this often?”
“Yes, WL, I feed my son well, thus anyone in my home gets fed well.”
WL enjoyed the food and the fact that each time he came to my home he would have a wonderful meal. By the time he moved in, he was used to eating well and getting fine nutrition. The years flew by and he still eats well.
“So, what’s wrong with that WebWitch? You are a nurturing witch and we never second-guessed that part of your character. What is so funny about the feeding of WL?”
Glad you asked, folks! The problem that became quite humorous to me is the fact that I think I created a foodie-monster!
The other night I prepared some risotto with shrimp and chicken. I watched while WL took a bite or two. I could see him nodding his head in approval. He then turned to me and started asking about certain ingredients I added.
“WW, is that a hint of turmeric I am detecting in this dish?”
“Yes, WL, I did add turmeric as well as cumin and various other spices.”
“Splendid, my dear. There is a balanced flavor pinging off each ingredient that I can taste. You’ve brought the proper amount of salt, not too much, but sufficiently flavorful as to not be bland. The correct marrying of hot and sour and the acidic addition of aged Balsamic vinegar bodes well with the sweetness of the marsala wine -- no wait, it's sherry! The texture of the ingredients are firm, yet flexible. The intoxicating scent is smokey, but just barely, thus maintaining a fragrant finish upon the second sniff. Also, might I add, the presentation is spot on with lovely eye appeal. It is an extraordinary appetite teaser. Excellent, love, perfection!”
“WebLock, since when did you develop a British accent?”
“British? Oh, bollocks, whatever do you mean, luv?”
“That does it WL. No more Gordon Ramsay shows for you!”
“What do you mean, dear? I thought you loved watching Ramsay in Hell’s Kitchen, and Masterchef.”
“I do, WebLock. However, I planned on making lamb for supper since it was on sale after Easter. The last thing I want to hear is, “Oh, hell! This lamb is so raw a fellow Scotsman can still make love to it!”
I know, Baaahhhhhhhhdddd! 
That’s all she wrote for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
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| | | Dead Cert (18+)
When a "character flaw" might get you out of that hole it got you into in the first place.
#2153770 by deemac  |
| |  | TONITE'S RECIPE! (E)
Cooking show spoof for the refined palettes of my fellow literati on WRITING.COM.
#1553458 by tieclip  |
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Some feedback from my last Newsletter: "Comedy Newsletter (March 21, 2018)"
An apple a day.... 
I just read something about a drone mosquito the government is working on. Soon our wildest dreams (fears) may come true.
I hear ya, Connie -- I hear ya! The buzz is in. Evidently, they hear us too! 
Quick-Quill 
I love watching Clare and the Crosby's on YouTube (she's the little singer) She asked Google to play her favorite song about kitties or unicorns. A day or so later her parents got a notification of a delivery. A cute unicorn in a pink purse. They figured she said the song wrong and it asked if she wanted to order it and she said yes. A friend's 3 yr old just ordered a widescreen TV and 100 units of play dough. She got the delivery notification to her surprise and dismay. Sometimes technology is just too easy even a 3 yr old can do it.
Scary but true! 
Prosperous Snow celebrating 
Someone once told me that "It's alright to talk to yourself, and it's alright to talk to yourself and answer yourself. The time to start worrying is when you talk to yourself, answer yourself, and the ask 'What did I say?'"
 Love it, Neva!
Jacqueline 
You are so funny Web-Witch, you have brightened my day.
Why thank you, Rosemaree! I'm pleased that you got a chuckle or two from the Newsletter.  Thank you for your feedback! 
T.L.Finch 
I can thoroughly understand the uncomfortable feeling you had with your phone speaking to you. I recently received an "echo dot" from Amazon for Christmas. After giving it a whirl I decided not to continue and shut it down. Sorry Alexa as they call this device. I enjoyed your article very much. thanks for sharing.
I don't blame you. Thank you for your feedback!
papadoc1
Webbie, no matter how many years we've spent in that house, there ALWAYS seems to be "company" over!! LOL!! Truth be told, it is BAD ENOUGH that our home is haunted, but now we seem to have the "marvels of science" contributing their wooden nickels worth too!
It was pretty creepy at the time. 
Monty 
Shy? are you kidding? I am not supposed to be on this machine but am trying to type and then correct all the errors, great News Letter my friend.
Thank you, sweet man! Always good to hear from you.  I find autocorrect gets me into trouble at times. 
Thank you for your feedback, folks! We editors adore it. 
See you next month!
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