 Drama: December 12, 2018 Issue [#9255] |
This week: What Do We Show, What Do We Tell? Edited by: Joy  
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“When I write...
I am in the fond arms
of a childhood friend
upon whose colorful heart I can hang
the charcoal drawings
of my woes.”
― Sanober Khan, A touch, a tear, a tempest
“Starting over is not a sign of failure. I look at it this way: A person enrolled at the wrong life college, underwent some hellish classes, passed a lot of difficult tests, majored in perspective, and a minored in minor things. However, they graduated at the top of their class and are now qualified to teach a course titled, How Not To Do That Ever Again.”
― Shannon L. Alder
“See with a different eye, visualize with a colorful mind, manifest your thoughts with the energy within.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson
“One by one, drops fell from her eyes like they were on an assembly line - gather, fall, slide...gather, fall, slide...each one commemorating something she had lost. Hope. Faith. Confidence. Pride. Security. Trust. Independence. Joy. Beauty. Freedom. Innocence.”
― Lisi Harrison, Monster High
“Giddy is a grin and giggles and that glint of goofiness in your gaze.”
― Richelle E. Goodrich, Making Wishes
Hello, I am Joy , this week's drama editor. This issue is about the most effective or detrimental uses of the "show, don't tell" advice.
Thank you for reading our newsletters and for supplying the editors with feedback and encouragement.
Please, note that there are no rules in writing, but there are methods that work for most of us most of the time.
The ideas and suggestions in my articles and editorials have to do with those methods. You are always free to find your own way and alter the methods to your liking.
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Welcome to the Drama newsletter
Since we’re in December and some of us are still laboring over or revising our NaNo novels, do you know what some writing coaches claim? They say part of the revision process is picking out the telling parts and changing them into showing because of the proverbial “show-don’t tell” command.
Yet, the real question to ask is, “What effect do I want my story to have on the readers?” When we writers turn every single telling passage into a showing passage, we may be inserting too much detail into the story, and too much detail can overwhelm other more important elements and can become an info dump.
For example, here is a scene from Daphne du Maurier’s Rebecca, in which the main character is interacting with Mrs. Danvers. “I watched her, fascinated, horrified; a queer ecstatic smile was on her lips, making her older than ever, making her skull’s face vivid and real.” In this section, the author “tells” the main character’s feelings because her actions aren’t as important as Mrs. Danvers’ actions.
If Daphe du Maurier were to take the advice of turning every telling word or phrase into showing, instead of “fascinated, horrified,” she might probably write something like ~ I stared at her with my mouth falling open. I felt my eyelids lift up and my face muscles stretch, and I held on to the railing for support to ease my beating heart; a queer ecstatic smile was on her lips, making her older than ever, making her skull’s face vivid and real.~ Do you see how the focus changes and the main character’s actions take over Mrs. Danvers’ expressions, the Mrs. Danvers who is the focus of the scene?
Still, some authors pay their full attention to the “show, don’t tell,” advice to the detriment of their story. A well-known romance writer constantly describes her characters’ actions during their dialogues. Granted that her constant descriptions bring me into the same room with the characters, they take away from the importance of her characters’ words and the flow of the plot by forcing the focus on other less significant actions, and I usually find myself bored of her writing style.
As writers, we always need to find the focus of a scene or a dialogue first. Otherwise, we risk losing the reader to the verbosity of character-action descriptions, and this takes away from the emotional impact of our stories. This is true since people and story characters experience life mostly through their senses and feelings, and the emotional responses can be encouraged by using the following three approaches where and when they are most needed.
1. Reporting what the character is feeling; in other words, telling
She was angry.
Women’s fiction may lean on more telling than showing, since it deals more with internal narrative and private monologue. Still, it is a good idea to focus on the fact that a human’s internal action is driven by need and then sensed in subtext and implied. Sometimes, this can be revealed only through dialogue and some selective action.
As a slightly related side tip, we writers can always use a character’s feelings to mislead the reader.
2. Implying the inner state by showing the outer action; in other words, just showing
Her face reddened. She gritted her teeth and stomped on the rug.
Since most human feelings are overused, skillful authors may play against expected feelings.
She gritted her teeth, but then giggled as if unhinged, and sprinted away giddily.
In addition, with this approach, the writer needs to know the underlying cause behind the surface effects. You don’t just describe the way someone frowns or picks up a teacup. There has to be an underlying reason for that, and you’ll need to hint at it to have a powerful showing.
3. Making the readers feel something that the story’s characters do not exactly feel.
He slammed the door behind him and kicked her shoes out of the way, not caring for what had just tickled his sense of smell, the stench of stale whiskey from her binge of the night before when he left her all alone. “Honey, I am home!”
With the third approach, it is not the actions that move the readers, but it is the readers who feel moved, in relation to their own experiences. With this approach, it is a good idea to show the action and pull back on the emotional telling, especially when the emotion is too painful, just like Hemingway usually does. From A Farewell to Arms: “Take him back with the others,” the first officer said. They took me down behind the line of officers below the road toward a group of people in a field by the river bank. As we walked toward them, shots were fired. I saw flashes of the rifles…”
Skilled authors find the layers of emotions because humans have emotions on the surface and beneath them, more numerous and differing emotions in layers. This skill is usually gained from the knowledge of human psychology, not necessarily from the academic circles but preferably from keen personal observations.
When we are moved or inspired by the actions of characters, what we feel are the higher and more complex emotions. As the rule of thumb, that distinction is in the heart of the story; that is, showing what needs to be shown and telling what needs to be told.
Until next time! 
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 Enjoy!
"Stuart shouldered his jacket. He hoped for a chill to cut the blandness but even the wind was dead, leaving a dull cold that merely tightened his skin. Had Serena been there, there would have been screams, defiance, spit. Her light chuckle would’ve echoed like a trapped owl eying the freedom of night."
"Show don’t tell” is an oft repeated statement that makes new writers go “huh?” While it’s easy to state that a good writer should make the scene come alive for the reader, most writers just starting out, find it difficult to understand what exactly is being expected of them."
"As you compose your story, every so often you need to step back from your text and look at how often you show, and how often you tell. Most of what you write should be showing things with lots of details, and lots of elaboration. When you show your characters' personalities through their behavior, you "tickle" the reader's imagination and sense of what's right and what's wrong. It's poor writing form to come right out and tell the fact that "This character is an evil fellow." It's direct, but it's not very interesting, and it lacks the juicy details that readers love."
" Psychological research supports my contention that communication is more than the words we say Argyle et al., (1970) demonstrated the percentage of the overall message carried by the various components of the communication process:
-7% of the message was contained in the Words.
-38%of the message was contained in the Tone, Tempo and Syntax.
-55% of the message was contained in the Body Posture. Gesture and Eye Contact."
"The wispdragon moaned in answer, a lonely cry that was swallowed by the clouds. This high up, the sun's face was a fiery disc of terrible beauty, and Kaye was thankful that his face was not turned toward her. Even her gleaming, spunsilver armor could not withstand Ferrian's full gaze at this height."
"Could it be? I gripped my catalog tighter; my anxiety spiked as the auctioneer's lilt slowed in sync with the rise of his gavel."
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"cast outside the shuttered box I color a forest of dead elms
stark images stain my fingers while this happiness scatters frowns
the rain washes my hope that rainbows exist somewhere"
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| *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 This Issue's Tip: If you want your characterization to be stronger, give your protagonist two initial goals or desires. Better if those two clash somewhere ahead in the story.
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Feedback for "Relationship of Voice and Subject Matter"
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Radioman 
Most writers I know never venture beyond the keyboard. I often kick start my day writing in a journal using cursive. Sometimes an idea develops and a door opens just a crack. That doesn't always work, so I shift from a ballpoint to a yellow pencil. Five sheets of copy paper folded and stapled provide me with a journal that may last a day, or a week. My fingers often decide that. I never set limits.
That's so nice. We all have our ways, don't we!
I like the feel of writing with the pen on paper or a notebook, too, but I do that only when I freeflow, in other words, fool around. When writing something that needs planning though, I have to use the keyboard.
Thanks for your input.
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