 Comedy: April 17, 2019 Issue [#9492] |
This week: Ruby's New Doctor! Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥmas  
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The continued Chronicles of Ruby -- my aging Volvo SUV. What new adventures will Ruby take me on next? |
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Ruby, as many of my readers know, is my 2005 Volvo SUV.
The year before last, I discovered, or rather my mechanic discovered during her yearly check-up that she was riddled with severe rust disease. I immediately panicked and asked what could be done. Bill, Ruby’s long time Florida doctor, suggested I should consider purchasing a new car — soon! He explained that the entire undercarriage needed replacement and the drive shaft and an assortment of other thingies that hold up the insides. Bill then went on to explain the length of time, approximate cost and other miscellaneous stuff that could be uncovered and added that’s only if he is able to find all the replacement parts needed.
I hung up that day, while Ruby was stuck on the car lift awaiting my answer to her doctor about whether or not he should pull the plug on her and be sold for scrap.  I did my homework all the next day, looking at different cars I could possibly buy to replace her. I found that none of the newer car models appealed to me, not even the updated versions of a Volvo SUV. I looked at the cost vs benefit of purchasing a new car as opposed to spending big bucks to fix Ruby. After tossing and turning through the night, imagining Ruby under the weight of the scrap-yard crusher, I knew I would have to save her! (You can find out all that was entailed through the journey to repair Ruby in my archived newsletters with Ruby in the title.)
Last year, I went to visit Bill at his garage to ask if Ruby could get her check-up before going North. He told me he was done. He was closing up shop. I looked around the garage, tears welling up in my eyes as I noticed it was almost bare, and no other mechanics were there. I turned back to Bill and asked if Ruby drove him to retire. He denied that was the reason and most likely that was true, Bill needed to have both knees re-replaced after they had been done merely a year and a half earlier. He said that he returned to work too soon and the healing did not go well. But, deep down inside, I knew it was the three months spent on finding the parts that fit Ruby, and all the stress she placed on him at that time.
At that moment, I asked if he would ever go back into the business. He told me he needed a long time of rest and physical therapy after the surgeries. He bought a home North of where we lived and they said he couldn’t imagine ever retiring. He could see opening a little shop in his barn at the new property he bought. But, he’d only open up for his best customers. I asked, “Am I one of your best customers?” He said, “Of course dear!”
Once I headed North after saying goodbye to Ruby’s doctor, I had to find a good mechanic, a mechanic who has the patience to work on a geriatric Volvo that has had many “joints” replaced. Happy to report I did find a competent, good-hearted, country car doctor. Ruby loved him, too! She didn’t mind spending a couple days at the shop so that all her little ailments were dealt with handily. Another plus was that her Northern car doctor was situated in the same town as my brother, who has used this mechanic for years. My brother would stop by on his way home from work and check on Ruby to see how things were progressing. I'm sure you all agree, an honest, trusted mechanic is essential.
Ruby got her clean bill of health, otherwise known as the dreaded “Inspection Sticker.” Ruby will be fourteen this October, so the following October, 2020, she will have attained the magic age of fifteen, where she’s an official senior citizen as far as cars are concerned, and will not require such stringent emission testing. I plan to give her a Fifteen-Year-Freedom, birthday party! 
Let’s spin into the autumn of 2018.. After arrived in late fall, I texted Bill and asked if he opened shop at his new residence.
"Not yet dear. Check back in mid-January." 
Well, I figured he needed a little more time to fully recover from his surgeries but I was hopeful by April he'd be up and started with the business. I sent another text asking if he is in fact open for business, could I schedule Ruby for her oil change and safety check-up. I let the text go and continued on with my day. Hours later I checked for a message back. Nothing! Next day, same thing — NOTHING! After the third day I started to think that perhaps Ruby's old doctor was ignoring me. If he had started the business and didn't want Ruby anymore, then he could have texted back claiming he was booked until the fall. That way he'd be letting "Ruby" down gently, however, knowing darn well I'd need an oil change before my travels and would have to find a substitute doctor for Ruby, thus, letting him off the hook! I panicked because I had no idea who could handle Ruby with all her special needs.
Bringing this newsletter up to date.
I am sitting at a new car doctor as I write this newsletter. I’m sort of sweating this out because it will be the first doctor in the South that will be seeing to Ruby’s health check-ups while I winter in the South. Today, Ruby is in for a regular oil change and safety check to see if she is ready for the travel back to my Northern Command center within the next few weeks. The doctor’s office is quite welcoming. It’s clean, the car-care givers are kind, understanding and very compassionate about the welfare of their new patient -- Ruby! However, I cringe at many prior visits to the mechanic always wound up with Ruby spending a couple nights or more to get tweaked for travel. As I sit here, I wonder what other terrible affliction Ruby might have developed recently, preventing her driving North without a lot of work and a lot of money. 
However, that will have to wait until my next edition of the Comedy Newsletter. It appears the new Ruby doctor has entered the room and is ready to speak to me ... 
That’s all she honked out for this edition of the Comedy Newsletter.
Until next time--laugh hard, laugh often!
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Those HMOs must really be desperate for new participants (Willie's Whimsical Words entry)
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 Encouraging Our Younger Writers:
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♥Ho Ho HOOves♥ 
Great Newsletter, Thanks for all your hard work, (((WW)))!! I have never joined Facebook or looked at it much. I am sure there are plenty of people on there with my same name and better photos. LoL I did see someone on there exploit a tragedy for their own gain in 2011 when my attention was diverted to that site. Plus I saw that movie about the founder of the thing, (Social Media?) and it repulsed me. And I do not want a phone that is smarter than I am - I have a flip phone that recently broke and I replaced it with , yes, a flip phone. However, I do have a word of warning if you break a phone of any kind. Do not be fooled when a place has the "Verizon" sign out front. It could be just an "agent" of Verizon that will rip you off big time for a simple flip phone.   Buyer Beware!
Awe, thank you so much, Hoovsie!!! 
Yes, I am aware of the shops with a Verizon sign on the front. They get a "cut" of the action, you pay the extra cost. They put them in convenient spots and trick many customers into believing they are dealing with Verizon itself. They are more interested in selling phones and insurance for them.  Had a couple horrible dealings with them. I also had a difficult time letting go of my flip phone. It took a lot of convincing from my son, and a gift of a smartphone for my birthday. Once I learned how to answer the phone, I found it very helpful when on the road.
Thanks again for your feedback! 
Quick-Quill 
There is a book titled LISTEN. This book is about someone who opened a website and posted the private conversations of the townspeople. It had a devastating effect on the town until the perp was found. I loved the idea. "What if someone listened to your private conversations and posted them on the web?"
Unfortunately, that is going on more than we know. We leave crumbs everywhere through our smartphones, Smart electric meters, TVs and anything electronic called "Smart." 
Thank you, Tina. Always a pleasure reading your comments. 
mott 
I loved your letter to the editor and am sure I have seen you in restaurants, driving, etc., checking your phone. Wait, that wasn't you, it was the people you are writing about...or was it???
 Yup, good one, and you're probably right. I do look over my shoulder, often! 
Thank you! And, welcome back home to WDC. 
Thank you for your feedback, folks. See you next month!
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