 Spiritual: May 22, 2019 Issue [#9561] |
This week: Professional, or Personal? Edited by: THANKFUL SONALI Library Class!  
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| In this issue of the newsletter, I talk about two instances where lines have blurred between professional and personal relationships, and the dilemmas I'm facing because of this. |
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Dear Reader,
Sometimes, you work closely with someone, and, instead of the relationship being just professional, it turns into a friendship.
And this can cut two ways. It can be a blessing, or not ...
Here are a couple of situations I'm facing currently.
1. At the Beauty Parlour
(Did that surprise you -- it's about a beauty parlour?  )
So yeah -- I need to get my upper lip and chin threaded often, and I need a haircut now and then like the next person. I found a really good beauty parlour nearby, run by two sisters. The younger one was expecting her son when I first visited that parlour. The boy is twenty-seven years old now.
Needless to say, there's just so much hair you can remove or cut over the decades, without ending up friends. Soon, I was being invited for occasions like Christening ceremonies, and we were exchanging gifts at festive occasions and birthdays. When I got engaged, they were excited for me, and when it broke, they helped me pick up the pieces and move on.
All was going smoothly till one day, eight years ago, when I went to the parlour and the older sister was by herself there. Assuming the younger one was out shopping or something, I didn't remark on this. But -- to cut a long story short -- it turns out the two sisters had fought over some small amount of money, and had split up the partnership in the parlour. The younger one now had her own parlour, upstairs.
Since I was used to the younger one cutting my hair over the years, I started going upstairs when I needed to visit the parlour. It was a professional decision -- I'm used to her haircuts, I go to her when I want my hair cut!
Except that the older one doesn't see it that way. She has taken it personally, thinks I'm siding with the younger one on the matter of that money (I have no idea about that money, I just know they fought about it) and refuses to answer my calls or messages when, say, the younger one is out of town and I need 'threading' at that time. Had the relationship been purely professional, it may not have mattered that I went to one sister for haircuts and the other for threading, or even that one was a substitute when the other was out of town. That would just have been the way things were. But I have grown close to them personally over the years, so anything I do is seen as being personal.
The good part is that the younger one thinks I'm supporting her (I've already told her my decision is professional, and she sees that as support, since it favours her) and goes out of her way to accommodate me when I need something 'done' urgently. She makes chocolates and cake commercially, too, and sometimes when there's some left over from a batch, she packs it up for Dad and me. She used to cut my (late) Mom's hair, and when I was cleaning up Mom's stuff, I gave her two bracelets I found, that I knew she would like, as a keepsake of Mom.
So -- a mix of professional and personal, cutting both ways!
2. At the Bookshop-Cafe
There's a bookshop-cafe in the neighbourhood that I really enjoy visiting. Have been there more than a couple-of- hundred times, I guess, over six years, for various events. Have also conducted some workshops there. I grew close to the owners and staff. They helped me cope when I was having multiple eye surgeries. They played a big part in my recovery from PTSD after those surgeries.
So, when I had the idea for a Harry Potter discussion group, I approached them. They were of the opinion that the magic has gone, nobody would attend a Harry Potter discussion group on a regular basis. Having been turned down by my favourite venue, I approached another, and they said yes. The HP discussion group celebrated its second anniversary with a bang earlier this month.
The staff at the first venue wanted me to shift the group there, or replicate what I was doing, at their venue. I declined. The second venue believed in the idea to begin with, so I wasn't going to move out of there, and I didn't want to dilute my audience there by replicating.
Had this been a purely professional relationship, we could have simply said, 'this didn't work here' and moved on to other stuff. But with all the complication of the personal stuff thrown in, it became a question of my loyalty and what not. I still visit, we speak cordially to each other, even joke around, but I hesitate, now, to approach them for any other event. The times I've attempted to do so, I've received very polite 'sorry-not-possible' notes in exchange. One of the owners did tell me to talk to the new shop manager if I needed any time slots. I guess I shall, when I have another idea for a workshop. Perhaps. It's just complicated!
Thanks for listening
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Thanks for the responses to "The Fine Art of Using Humour"
Quick-Quill 
I love humor. If you read my first book you'd see an uncle showing his nephew how much like his great uncle he'd become. A hoarder that didn't clean his room. It's the best part of my book I think.
👼intuey 
I feel deeply for you, Sweetie. Eddie's sight continually degraded the last three years of his life, until he was only seeing shadows. When his sight first started getting bad, we had an "L" shape hallway, when he started to walk down one end, I'd be at the other end and turn the light off on him. You'd hear him ping-ponging between the walls. lol Then I'd turn it back on. We'd laugh, and well he'd shake his head like I was a nut. But then he'd get me back by getting in an electric cart at Wal-Mart and not hardly able to see, he'd get his kicks from me having to keep up with him picking things up where he bumped into it or apologizing to customers for him coming a little to close. That would brighten his day - and even though it was something little and seemingly insignificant, we found the places we could insert humor and light-heartedness. It helped us live and deal with the seriousness at hand. Thanks so much for your NL and God Bless you, your eyes and all those surrounding you, keeping you going in light and love.  Tracey
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