 Comedy: June 26, 2019 Issue [#9620] |
This week: Something's Up Edited by: Robert Waltz  
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1. About this Newsletter
2. A Word from our Sponsor
3. Letter from the Editor
4. Editor's Picks
5. A Word from Writing.Com
6. Ask & Answer
7. Removal instructions
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Alright, everybody, listen up. I'm here to talk to you about one of the most versatile words in the English language. No, not that one; I can't say that one here. Two letters, not four, literally means the direction opposite the local gravity vector, but you can whip up a bunch of other uses for this simple syllable.
You can go ahead and look it up, and you'll find a bewildering array of made-up definitions, mostly about how it modifies other words. Sit up and take notice, now; this is important.
From the time you wake up in the morning to the moment you wrap yourself up in the blankets once again, you probably use the word dozens of times without even thinking about it. Maybe you had a fight with your partner, and decide to make up. Maybe you put on make-up. Maybe you have to work up the courage to do something. Or perhaps you decide to give up and stay home.
If not, you can go to the gas station and top up the tank. Some places, you can go up to the counter and buy a lottery ticket. But don't get your hopes up - chances are slim, and it might be better to take up knitting. The odds are pretty messed up, but hey, someone's got to win and make the government pay up. And you can always dream up uses for all the money you'll never win.
Go to the gym and get toned up. Take your car to the shop for a tune-up, and yourself to the doctor for a check-up. Be especially careful when you back up; check your surroundings, because you don't want to screw up someone's day. But if you do, cheer up! Your insurance is paid up, right?
Then, it's time for a trip to the grocery store to stock up on healthy fruits and vegetables, like pizza and 7-Up. If you're lazy you can have them bring the bags up to the curb, where you'll pull up and pick them up. But don't eat too much all at once, or you might throw up.
You can finish up your day by tallying up all the expenses you've incurred, you know, settle up your budget - or just fire up Netflix and watch the movie Up. You can probably pass up the first fifteen minutes or so; you've seen it before, and it makes you tear up. Or maybe you call up a friend or family member and catch up.
Be sure to wash up before bed!
Okay, I'll shut up now. I'm sure you can come up with more uses for this word, though. If you do, go ahead and hit me up in the comment section... down there.  |
I've drummed up some funny things for your reading pleasure. Laugh it up!
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