 Comedy: September 04, 2019 Issue [#9737] |
This week: If You Could Hear Me Speak! Edited by: Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ  
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" 'Everybody says words different,' said Ivy. 'Arkansas folks says 'em different, and Oklahomy folks says 'em different. And we seen a lady from Massachusetts, an' she said 'em different of all. Couldn't hardly make out what she was sayin'!' "
-- John Steinbeck, The Grapes of Wrath, 1939
 I want to thank Robert Waltz for his last Comedy Newsletter "Comedy Newsletter (August 21, 2019)" . It reminded me that we have dialect-barriers right in this country. |
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It's been 11 years as one of your Comedy Newsletter Editors. I have to say that is a long time to be writing comedy, every four weeks without missing one issue. But you know me. I love humor. It's around me constantly -- and you as well if you'd just notice it at the time. Some of my best material comes from life experiences, well actually pretty much all my material comes from that.
You've read my words whether here in the Newsletter, Newsfeed or via email or instant messaging. YOU actually understand the words coming out of my mouth in print form, right?  However, if you ever spoke to me in real life, you'd find that may not be the case. You see, I was born not too far outside the Boston area, I really never knew that I had a particular or for some people, peculiar accent. It really wasn't until I moved to Illinois to work that I found out people were absolutely befuddled about my speech. I do believe I drove some Midwestenahs to uttah distraction! Add to that the fact that where I grew up we were all rapid talkers. It's just the way it was and is.
In Illinois, I was told I had an accent, and it would often bring laughter when I talked. They claimed I drop all my "Rs" I claimed that they treat "R" as if it were the most important letter in the alphabet.
Eventually they understood what I meant. But as the manager, when an employee called-in sick, I needed to go through the Rolodex and call homes of other employees to find someone to cover for the other person's shift. Lucky me! I had this terrific employee named "Barb." Her mother answered the phone and almost hung up on me. 
"May I speak to Barb, please?" She hears: "May I speak to "Bob/Bub," please?"
"Sorry. there's no 'Bob' here!" Of course my ears are still hearing no "Barb" here.
Now I'm really confused! Then it hits me, Illinoisans have their own accent. Yes, they talk a little slower, than I did, and also, they seem to have an affinity for the letter "R." So, I must try to convey that on the phone.
"Oh, I'm sorry, may I please speak to Barrrrrrrrr-barrrrrr-a?" 'Barbara.' please?"
"Oh, that's right. You're the manager who speaks funny. Barrrrrrrrrb told me all about you. Hold on a minute, I'll get her."
Excuse me? I speak funny? 
As they got to know me, they tried to imitate my accent, so we'd have little lessons on Boston-speak.
Midwest, "Roof is pronounced "Ruhf" In Boston it's pronounced Rufe I mentioned to them that when we heah the word "ruhf" we think of what a dog does when bahhking.
This is a Webbieism  Which I told them that stumped them: "It's "oo" as in "loop" except after "foot." 
I probably would have been a great linguist, eh?
Boston English is a different type of English. It is what was conglomerated by settlers in the 1600s. The words, accents and phrases sort of stuck with us, making it difficult for people who weren't born heah absolutely clueless about the words coming out of owah mouths.
Talking Boston: It's not just about the "Rs"
Frappes have ice cream in them -- milkshakes don't.
Tonic is our word for your "soda" or "pop." Yes we actually have a "tonic aisle" in our grocery stores. (stowahs)
If we want tonic water we say tonic water. It's just understood.
We have : Cahs and cahkeez, (cars, carkeys) And yes, we do Pahk them!
pahty plattas, (Sounds like "Potty plattas" to outsidas) = party platters
beah (beer) that we buy at a stowa. (store)
We ask wheah somebody or someplace is. (where)
We bang ueys, bang lefts or rights. (make u-turns, turn left or right)
Our uncle's wife is our "ahnt" (Ants are crawly things we spray or bait.)
We take a bahth (bath)
B'daydas mean (potatoes)
We drink from Bubblas --you may call them water/drinking fountains.
I live wehsta Whista (West of Worcester)
The city of Leicester is pronounced "lesta"
A cella is a basement
A pahlah is the living room
We called the front porch a "piazza"
We played in the yahd when we were kids. (yard)
A carriage is what we pushed around Stah Mahket. (Star Market) And bundles are groceries.
That's all this NewEnglanda wrote for this edition ... I hope you found this newsletta to be a wicked pissa ! (I hope you found this newsletter to be very cool!)
Happy 19th birthday WDC!!!
There's a whole lot of excitement going on. Please do partake of the activities and celebrations and contests going on during this month. Congratulations to The StoryMaster & The StoryMistress for all their hard work in making this a prime piece of virtual real estate here on WDC!
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| | FIRE! FIRE! (E)
Contest prompt ignited a dormant muse for a challenging, exact 18 sentence format.
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Comments from "Comedy Newsletter (August 7, 2019)"
Jacqueline
my favourite colour is blue, its calming and bright
It's a good color! You wouldn't have been chosen as "IT'S" Pennywise. 
BIG BAD WOLF is Howling 
Black - the color of my soul.
That's a positive sign! You admit you have a soul -- whatever the color. You wouldn't have gotten Pennywise from "IT" either!
willy
Many thanks for including {bitem:2185503 fun and games in your last newsletter. It was probably the item I found most difficult to write and one which has received little attention so it is good to get some encouragement.
You're very welcome! 
And from "Comedy Newsletter (July 10, 2019)"
Whata SpoonStealer 
Very funny! Carded for olives, WTH? Indeed!!! I never knew they had tipsy olives either
The stranger it sounds, the more likely it will happen to me. 
Thank you for your feedback, folks!
See you next month!
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