 Comedy: November 13, 2019 Issue [#9868] |
This week: Talking Turkey Edited by: Robert Waltz  
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Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.
-Jim Davis
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
-Phyllis Diller
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.
-Jon Stewart |
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Well, it's November. Here in the US, November means two things: 1) nonstop sappy holiday music and 2) Thanksgiving.
There's no end to the former; the only ways to avoid it are to stay at home or wear noise-cancelling headphones. Sometimes both. Fortunately, the latter is only one day. Well, three if you count travel days. Four if you count the whole weekend. Five if you also count Cyber Monday. Six if... ah, never mind.
For anyone not from the US, you probably already know the basic idea of Thanksgiving: a bunch of pilgrims fled religious persecution in their home country to establish some religious persecution of their own in a New World. They almost died because apparently "winter" isn't a thing in England, but a bunch of heathens (from their perspective) saved them. Instead of thanking them, which would probably have given them indigestion after all that food, they gave thanks to an invisible sky spirit. Thus was born the uniquely American observance of Thanksgiving, and turkeys have been eyeing us warily every since.
But lately, the one thing, apart from Americanness, that bound us all together as a country on Thanksgiving has begun to fall out of favor. I mean, of course, the noble turkey - more specifically, in its delicious, dead, cooked, juicy, stuffed state. Between self-imposed diet restrictions such as vegetarianism, concern for animal welfare, worry about environmental impacts, and rampant food allergies, not everyone is on board with the whole "turkey" thing.
An early attempt to address some of the above concerns was the "tofurkey," a fermented soybean abomination molded into the general shape of a dead bird. It wasn't fooling anyone, but it helped some people pat themselves on the back.
Since we've already divided ourselves, and there seems to be no going back to any kind of consensus on the proper centerpiece of a Thanksgiving meal, I'd like to propose some other alternatives here.
1. Crickets. With all the concern for the environment and animal welfare, many people are turning to insects as a protein source. Insects don't count as animals, and there's an endless supply. So why not make crickets the focus of a modern Thanksgiving dinner? Just be sure to kill them first, unless you are trying to freak out your guests, in which case, well, I can't argue; that would be hilarious.
2. Beyond Meat / Impossible / other faux meat products. If your concern for animal welfare extends to insects, these new-ish purely vegetable products might be worth a try. I haven't eaten them, myself, but I hear they're not bad. I can see a couple of downsides, here: first, they're designed to resemble cow, not bird; second, they're bloody expensive. Pun intended. But you can mold them into the shape of a turkey, at least.
3. Chickpeas. On the other hand, some people feel that we shouldn't even make food look like meat because it just encourages people to eat meat. For them, there's always chickpeas. They even have the word "chick" in the name, and chicken is a lot like turkey, so... win? On the other hand, who can eat that much hummus?
4. Nothing. Here's an idea: if you're worried about harming living things, or the environment, or even just dread another round of "so what are you doing with your life?" from your extended family, do nothing. This reduces your carbon footprint to baseline; the only way to reduce it further would be to stop breathing.
Whatever you choose to do, though, just remember: you get to make similar choices next month too! |
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Last time, in "International Comedy" , I discussed things that might be lost (or possibly gained) in translation.
s  : I think there is an Australian sense of humour. It's got the sort of clever word-play and nself-deprecation of a British comic, but the swearing and lack of respect of a US comic. Of course, some more recent comics eschew these things, but the traditional Australian humour is a "don't give a s**t" sort of way of telling jokes/stories/anecdotes, dating back to the original Bulletin magazine in the late 19th century.
I haven't had much exposure to that style of comedy, but I really like the Australian comedian Jim Jeffries.
Quick-Quill  : I love your humor. I love to laugh and in my family, body functions and mishaps are shared with great humor. However, I have two points. You are right about knowing your audience. I watched BGT Daliso Chaponda. His humor transcended nationality. Most everyone could understand it as it had a basic, familiar reference. Whether you're African, British or American it was funny. I've watch his Youtube performances repeatedly. I also love British Humor. Are You Being Served?, Benny Hill, and others I've found on Youtube. I find humor in writing a challenge. In my first published book, I inserted a lesson learned at the beginning that is a bit humorous to adults. I got comments from parents that told me they were going to implement that trick on their boys.
Anything can be a challenge if you're not used to it. Through repeated practice, it becomes easier, as with most things. If you can find your own style, your own voice, it might start to come naturally - I wouldn't know; I'm not there yet.
And that's it for me for November! Until next month,
LAUGH ON!!! |
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