 Comedy: December 11, 2019 Issue [#9908] |
This week: Unwritten Edited by: Robert Waltz  
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There is a misleading, unwritten rule that states if a quote giving advice comes from someone famous, very old, or Greek, then it must be good advice.
-Bo Bennett
There's that unwritten schism that literary writers get all the awards and commericals writers get all the success.
-Jodi Picoult
No written law has ever been more binding than unwritten custom supported by popular opinion.
-Carrie Chapman Catt |
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Every once in a while, I'll see an article or blog post about "the unwritten rules of x," where "x" is something modern and annoying like email, texting, twitting, or dating.
And few of them make sense.
For example. I've read the following two rules about texting:
1) Always include an emoji with every text.
2) Never return a text from a crush right away.
Confession time: I just now made up one of those. I'll let you decide which one.
But that leads me to the real problem with unwritten rules, which is: by the time I see them, they're no longer unwritten, and I've already broken the hell out of them.
For instance, apparently, "Liking" something on social media doesn't mean you like it, but that you're interested in the person posting it.
And they ask me why I avoid social media.
Actually, no, they don't, because they can't find me because I'm not on social media. Which I'm sure violates an unwritten rule, so I'll make the opposite of that a written rule:
Avoid social media.
That make sense? More sense than some of the texts I've gotten, probably, what with all the emojis and misspellings.
So I've got my own set of unwritten rules, and here's some of them:
1) Don't play games. Except D&D. I like D&D. Maybe Scrabble. Definitely not Monopoly.
2) Everything is not fraught with meaning that you have to tease out over endless hours of conversation with other people.
3) If you include an emoji with every text, I will block you.
4) No, you're not going to read my mind.
5) I already know I'm funny, thanks. But looks aren't everything.
Oops! Now they're written rules, too.
So, what are some of the unwritten rules of social interaction you know that I don't? I'm sure there are thousands. |
Just some funnies for you:
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Last time, in "Talking Turkey" , I went on a rant about Thanksgiving food.
Quick-Quill  : Funny you should mention crickets I have a tube of orange flavored ones in my desk drawer. When I started Keto I was informed they are high in protein. They are still in my desk, unopened. I haven't got that hungry though I have coworkers that down them and ask for more if we are near the store that sells them...Nope not there yet.
I... I got as far as "a tube of orange flavored [crickets]," and my mind's gears ground into dust.
BIG BAD WOLF is Howling  : Me, I eat turkey, ham, potatoes, sweet potatoes, pie, cookies, more turkey and ham, and finally, ask whats for dessert.
Dessert? More turkey! Also for the next three weeks.
Beholden  : Thank you so much for including my story, Bogwart's Best Birthday, among the Editor's Picks.
Thank you for writing!
So that's it for me for December, and for 2019 - best wishes for a happy (and hilarious) holiday season and a laughter-inducing New Year! Until next time,
LAUGH ON!!! |
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