Mummy Kissing Santa Claus

"Mum? Have you got any paracetomol knocking about? I think I had too much eggnog…Mum!!"

"Jess! Um…"

"Honestly! You and dad are like a couple of horny teens sometimes. Where’d the outfit come from, anyway?"

"Uh…"

"Don’t worry, I’m not totally freaked out. I knew you guys probably still did it occasionally. Ok, actually, now I’ve said it, now I’m freaked out.
Couldn’t you have kept it to your bedroom?
What if one of the kids needed a drink and came downstairs?
How would I explain their grandma frenching Santa Claus, huh?"

"Jess…"

"It’s ok, mum, really. Just point me in the direction of some really strong painkillers, and I’ll leave you two lovebirds to it."

"The cabinet above the sink. Top left."

"Thanks.You know, this was a really great idea, all of us coming here for Christmas. I’m really glad that you and Adam are getting on so well at last. I thought you’d never accept him as part of the family, and, well…Thanks, mum, it means the world to me."

"Uh, that’s fine, sweetie. I was…unfair…before. He’s…really great. Especially with the kids."

"Yeah, I know. He’s so sweet with them. Insisted on sleeping in with them in the spare room tonight so he could be there when they wake up. You know, keep them quiet so I can sleep off the hellish hangover in peace. Damned eggnog!"

"I did tell you to go easy on it, honey."

"I know. Well, I have my pills so I’m gonna head back up. Night, mum."

"Goodnight, Jess. Merry Christmas."

"Night, dad."

"Hmph."

"That was really close! Think she’ll realise?"

"No way. She was too drunk to take a proper look at me."

"I thought I was going to have a heart attack!"

"Maybe a little CPR from Santa can help with that..."

"Oooh, Andy, you are terrible!"

"Ho ho ho!"