Taylor

I remember the day so well. It was January 14th and it was bitterly cold outside. A typical winter day in Maine. I had been up since 7:00 a.m. the morning before. The aching, sometimes wrenching pains in my abdomen allowed me not one moment of sleep. They started at around 6:30 p.m. on the 13th and they just kept getting worse and worse. I spent most of the night silenty crying so not to wake up Rodney because I knew he had to be at work for 5 a.m. and I didn't want to set off another false alarm.

A couple of days before Christmas I had had the pains for over 8 hours, they were 5 minutes apart the entire day. We all rushed to the hospital, I was hooked up to a monitor and told to walk the ward for an hour. They had checked me when I got there and found that I was 2 centimeters dialated, I really thought that the 23rd day of December was going to be the day. The pains subsided just after dinner that night, and I was so frustrated.

Anyhow, thats why I didn't want to wake Rod up. I didn't want to get everyone excited again, have him miss work and have it be another false alarm. I was scared though so by 3 a.m. I had him bring me to my mothers house so I wouldn't be alone for the day. He did and then he headed off to work.

The pains just kept getting worse and worse. I kept trying to sleep and without even realizing that I had, I did manage to rest my weary head for about an hour until my mother came in to ask me if I was feeling any better. Then she insisted that I go shopping with her to buy my younger brother a new winter jacket.

All through J.C. Penney people stopped to ask if I was okay as I walked about the store impatiently, and fighting back tears. At the register the cashier, with a look of concern on her face asked my mother, "Is she in labor?" My mother laughed and said she wasn't sure but, "If she is all this walking will surely help her dialate." We left the store, my brother had a new jacket, I thought we were done...I was wrong.

"Where are we going?" I asked my mother.

"Greg wanted me to pick him up some blue hair dye. He said to go to Bull Moose because they sell it there. It will only take a minute." I rolled my eyes and thought to myself, 'It will be okay, you can make me a little while longer. Its not that bad yet.'

I stood near the entrance of the music store, hoping that my apparent irratability would be noticed by my mother and her boyfriend as they shuffled through the aisles of CD's - they did not notice or they were just ignoring me. I could not stand the pain another minute and I started to cry. They finally got the point - this was the real thing.

We went back to my mother's house and phoned the Doctor to let her know that we were on our way. We stopped at my brother and sisters school to pick them up. It seemed that I was waiting in that car forever.

"I got front seat!" exclaimed Greg as he headed for the car.

"Your sisters sitting in the front, Greg. I'm not making her move she's in labor." she said to him in away that expressed to him that he was being ignorant.

He and my sister piled into the backseat, Sadie buckled herself in and stayed quiet. Gregory, however continued with his attitude, "Did you get my jacket?" he asked my mother.

"Yes, its in that bag." She said jesturing to the oversized white bag. He pulled the blue Columbia Jacket out and examined it thoroughly as we headed for the Hospital in Augusta, about a half an hour from where we were in Litchfield. "Do you like it?" she asked him, thinking that he would surely say yes since she had just spent over $200.00 on the thing.

"Mom, this is so gay. You know this isn't the one that I wanted. You better just turn around right friggin' now and bring this thing back because I'm not wearing it." He was clearly disappointed.

"Greg," I said to him as Iwiped a bit of sweat from my fore head and brushed a few strand of hair out of my face, "Shut-Up! Its a nice friggin' jacket, I picked the fucking thing out. We aren't going back to the mall right now, I'm about to have a baby you asshole!"

To any normal, even teenage person, what I had said might have meant something. However, my brother is not normal, "I don't friggin' care Beth. I don't want this jacket I told her she should just have waited for me. But no she had to go get it while I was at school. We're going to the friggin' mall right now. I don't want this thing."

"Gregory Shut the Hell Up!" my mother yelled at him and he pursed his lips and glared at her with his hazel eyes. "Can't you see that something more important is happening right now than getting you an exchange for a perfectly fine jacket? Stop being a selfish little prick and shut your god damn mouth! I'm trying to drive!" Mom was mad and mom was nervous - not a good combination.

The entire ride to Augusta Gregory complained about the jacket. I wanted to reach back and jack him in the mouth, but I stayed facing forward trying to rub the pain away from my bulging belly.

We arrived at the hospital at approximately 3:00 p.m. The nurses got me checked in and changed into a 'johnny'. I walked passed the nursery on my way to the delivery room. I saw newborn twins. They each had a mop of brown locks on there little heads, they were absolutely beautiful.

The day dragged on. My pains grew worse. I wanted Rodney and no-one could get a hold of him. You see, he worked for a group home and they had a trip to the library that day. He finally got to the hospital at about 6:00 p.m.

Looking back on it the birth of my first child could almost be made into a comedy. Shortly after Rodney arrived I had the overwhelming urge to go to the bathroom. "Oh no Elizabeth! They all cried thats the baby." They checked me to see if I was fully dialated and I still had 2 centimeters to go. So I got into the hot tub and for about a half an hour things seemed not so bad.

Me in my Johnny I layed my head back and closed my eyes. My cousin Tabby held her video camera - capturing the moment. Later I would watch the video only to see that she focused on two big blue balancing balls and said, "Hey Beth, thats what Rodney's balls would look like if the two of you had never met." Shortly after that statement I leap out of the hot-tub in a see through, wet johnny and completely convinced that I absolutely had to go to the bathroom. They checked me again and it was time.

I begged them to give me a pain killer, "We can't honey its too late, the baby will be here any minute." I cried and begged my mother, "Mama please, I just want to go home. Please take me home, I don't want to do this anymore." She brushed my now wet, black hair out of my face.

"You can't go home now Bethy. Your baby is coming. You can do this."

With my mother and my cousin on my right, and Rodney on my left I pushed with every ounce of energy I had left in me. I felt a burning sensation and I screamed and then I heard a small cry. I watched as this rubbery looking little baby was quickly wrapped in warm towels and a little blue hat was placed on his head before they layed him upon my chest. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever layed eyes on in my entired life.

One by one my aunts came in to peek at my beautiful boy. My sister came in,she was only 9 years old at the times and sat in the chair next to me. I was still waiting to deliver the placenta. The nurses came in and took the baby to the nursery, Rodney went with him. Sadie sat there and talked and talked and talked and I don't remember a single word she said. I was so absolutely exhausted that I just layed there with my eyes closed and shook my head in acknowledgement of her words.

The Doctor came back in and helped me deliver the placenta, stitched me up and wheeled me to a recovery room. I wanted a private room, and that is what I got. I didn't want to have to share my space with anyone else. Soon after, Rodney returned wheeling the basinette in, that held in it my new baby.

"Oh, hand him to me," I whispered to Rodney. He passed me the little blue bundle. "Hi Taylor." I said to him as a smile crept across my tired face, "I'm your mommy. God, you are so beautiful." I carressed his soft pink cheek with my forefinger. I brought him close to me so that I could breath him in.

Later that night Rodney went home, it was just me and Taylor in the dimly lit hospital room. I was so tired, but I could not sleep. All I could seem to do was stare at him. I was completely amazed that he was mine, that he was real and that he was forever. I thought about alot of things that night as I held my new baby. I didn't want him to have the life I had when I was very young. My mother made a sacrifice to keep us happy when she left my father despite her love for him. I knew that I would probably have to do the same because Rodney was far from perfect, and in a lot of ways he was just like my Dad. But I shoved that thought from my mind because I didn't want to be sad all I wanted was to feel the way that I felt looking down at Taylor forever.

Before I finally gave into sleep that night I held Taylor in my arms one more time. I pulled him close to me and kissed his sweet little forehead and whispered into his ear, "You're the best thing that has ever happend to me and I love you more than I ever thought that I would." and that was the truth. Taylor changed my life. Everything that I thought was so important before he came to me became so petty. He gave me the strength to overcome my fears and to be the person I always should have been. Taylor saved me from myself.