Reminiscence

Reminiscence

I stared at the words
They appeared to be swirling together
I tried to make sense of what I had just read
It made my head hurt, my heart ache
The word death jumped off the page
Suffocating, crushing my lungs
My dear husband was now gone,
But all the while still with me
My mind was a complete blank,
A clean slate
Except for his face
His face was all that remained.
It almost seemed to mock me,
My memory, making a mockery of my heartache.

Dinging bells
And the long aisle
Covered with roses
I walked to his side
Professed our love
In the simplest of words
I do.
This recollection filled my mind
Fully, completely
A lovely string quartet
Our first dance together
As husband and wife
Together forever
But hopes are crushed, dreams shattered

A baby’s first cry
And tears streaming down our cheeks
Tears of the most abundant joy
For the life of a new individual
He looked more handsome
Than my eyes had ever witnessed
He was a father
Our hearts had in no way before
Been as close, as that day
But hopes are crushed and dreams shattered
Reality ruins the essence of our perfect life


We said goodbye
And fought back the tears
I knew I would forever cry
Until his safe return
I know now, my eyes will forever be filled
With the greatest of tears
The most sorrowful of tears

A letter everyday
A new promise
A promise I looked forward to
Reading those words, his words
Filled me with the utmost hope
Life could be better
He would soon be by my side
But hopes are crushed and dreams shattered
Death will be the end of us all
It is all too soon

I see his eyes in the eyes of our son
The curve of his mouth reflects his
It is a comfort
And endless torture
To see him without his father
Without my companion
I am alone
But my memory remains
Forever instilled is his sweet face
The one I will always cherish
Continue to love
Until I will perish and end this life
I long to see him again

I read the words again
My breath again shallow
More so than before
I again am unable to make sense of it all
My memory continues to be my only thought
It comforts my pain, yet magnifies it
Nothing can ease this pain
Not even those others whom I love most dearly
Only him, my only one
He is the only one
Nothing else, nothing
Hopes are crushed and dreams shattered
I am alone.