yours...

I will waste my words on you
When they do not mean a thing
I love you more than my actions
While I lay here, my pain sings

I cannot let you see how I hurt myself
When I have to make my tears flow
I cut away my bad parts...
And I whisper to myself, "I am loved, I know..."

I am only a ghost of the future
You have never even met the real me
The me that I become quietly
But will my past ever set me free?

Sometimes I feel I am out of control
When I beg my happiness to stay the night
I grab at her tired hand
And she whispers, "Listen, you must not fight."

I test my skin for the answer
To how to feel alive,
"The dead do not bleed"
As this pain begins to dive...

The past, it hurts so bad
As the light blinds my eyes
The person telling me it's okay
Telling me all these lies...

I keep telling myself I was just a kid
But who was there to protect me then?
I keep crying and saying to myself,
"Why doesn't God let me try life again?"

Did I understand what would happen,
When I believed I found true love?
I feel like I am hurting you
And you are my only real gift from above

How can I make you cry
And pretend like it is okay?
I would rather never see you again
Then make you feel that way...

I'm sorry that I'm weak...
I can't help what this does to me
I just want my one real chance with you
But my thoughts won't hear my pleas

I love you more than words
More than the pain of my past
But when I think of the future
I'm always scared that I can't last...

I won't last a day, a month, a year
Without someone to take this all away
And I'm trying to make you that person
But I'm just causing you pain

I am tired of the pain I cause
I just want this all to go away
I wonder what it's like to be normal
And to not feel so betrayed...

I feel like the luckiest person
When I look into your eyes
But I picked you and you didn't choose me
And I know that I'm no prize

I'm just another boy with problems
Though I still love you all the same
But when I have made you cry
I ask myself, "Who is to blame?"

Sometimes I still feel like you will leave me
All alone when I need you most...
Then I use my 11:11 wish
Just so I'll never see your ghost...