Big Red

*bang*

“The bastard chipped my hat” Steve the garden gnome thought as he ran out of the garden, his little legs pumping furiously.

The rain was pouring and the ground has quickly turning into mud. Steve’s tiny gnome feet were starting to have trouble moving as the mud was sucking them down. He dodged another bullet that nearly clipped his flowing white beard. Another shot went by him as he threw himself into the dog house, which thankfully had a door on it. Closing it quickly he barricaded it with all the dog’s toys he could find and hid in the corner, outside he heard a maniacal chuckle.

“Run, run as fast as you can, you’ll never get away from me, I’m the gingerbread man” the voice said tauntingly.

The voice indeed belonged to what many people knew as the ‘gingerbread man’. But Steve knew him as even more than that, he knew him as one of the key players in the Great Muffin Conspiracy; a conspiracy that had been continuously covered up by the North Pole Agency, who were dedicated on eliminating the human race. The organization was headed by ‘Big Red’ who Steve just recently learned was good ole Saint Nick himself.

Steve was the last surviving member of the Gnome-Elf coalition which vowed to stop the NPA at all costs. Steve never thought it would come to this, after all the protections they took to keep their activities secret. They were betrayed though; one of Santa’s top elves had joined the coalition, swearing that he would take down the fat man no matter what. But it had all been a ploy; the elf had been working for ‘Big Red’ the whole time, which the coalition discovered too late.

They had all been captured while they were planting C4 on Santa’s sleigh, which was the most advanced airborne war craft known to man. It could travel 10 times the speed of sound, and was equipped with close to a kiloton of explosives. Steve had just barely escaped, that had been close to a year ago, he had been hunted by the NPA ever since. The Gingerbread Man wasn’t the first to find him however. Steve had already single handedly taken down the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, and the Muffin Man. Santa was not pleased, so he sent out his top agent, which as you can guess, was the Gingerbread Man.

*Smash*

One of the dog house walls burst open, there stood the Kool-Aid guy.

“Oh no” Steve whispered.

“OH YEAH” Kool-Aid guy, as he rushed forward, nearly impaling Steve on the wall.

Steve took advantage of Kool-Aid guy’s momentary disorientation and quickly hurled the dog’s bone at him, knocking him over. Steve ran on top of the giant punch bowl and beat him over and over with the bone until he cracked. Steve then lightly jumped off of the dying drinks body. Turning around he saw the Gingerbread Man standing outside of the Kool-Aid’s temporary doorway. His long black trench coat was dragging on the ground and he was clapping.

“Well done, Steve, but I’m afraid this is the end” he said as he took out two Uzis from his jacket pockets.

“YOU’LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS YOU BASTARDS!” Steve screamed, as the Gingerbread Man opened fire.