Automatic Lung Charring

Tired of people complaining about your “second-hand smoke?”  We, at the Automatic Lung Charring Production Company, would bet that you have noticed a lot of downsides to your smoking “habit.”  WELL!  We have a solution for you!  Our brilliant scientists have developed a breakthrough machine that can be either installed in your throat, or kept out at your disposal!  This magic machine will work wonders!  You will NEVER have to pay for another cigarette in your life!  Because of that, this amazing machine pays for itself in only 2 days!!!  Since I know that none of you trust your math right now because you are asking yourself, “how can such a great machine be so cheap?”  I will affirm for you that your math is correct; this machine is priced at a very affordable cost of only $3500.00!  YES!  THAT IS CORRECT, it will pay for itself in 2 days! 
Our machine is very efficiently designed to take 99% of the carcinogens already in our atmosphere (produced by our cars, mills, termite farts, volcanic eruptions and your old cigarettes) and pump them pure directly into your lungs!  Complete with nicotine canisters to keep your cravings flourishing!
Not only that, but because you are taking existing carcinogens YOU ARE HELPING TO SAVE OUR PLANET! 

So FORGET the costly cigarettes and the whiny crowds and do yourself and the environment a favor by coming to get your very own Automatic Lung Charring machine!

The only question left is…what will those whiners complain about now???