Candyland

So. This is me. I came, I saw, I wandered… what should I say? I don't know. I suppose I can say anything that I want to. Well then, I may as well start at the beginning hadn't I? Yes, indeed.

So. This is me. I came, I saw, I wandered… the footprints were left deep in my wake; filling with candy… the children following me gorged themselves upon it. I remember very well that wave upon wave of strawberries rained from the sky that day. To you that may seem extraordinary, but in my homeland it only ever rains strawberries. In light of that fact you may be wondering why I remember this so specifically. Well that was the day the great strawberry drought ended. But I digress… So where was I headed on this day, through the cold sugar-snow? Well I was heading to the candy-cane castle to deliver a very special message to the sugar god that ruled over our fair land. And what was this message? I will come to that in due course my friend. I looked up to the sky and saw that the cotton candy clouds were red with the strawberries that were to end the shortage, and noticed also a large red and white striped bubblegum balloon floating down toward the castle where I was headed. This was also a strange occurrence as there were not many bubblegum pilots left after the advent of the sherbet sky-rockets, and I decided to make haste to the castle in order to deliver my message.

On the way to the castle, the town and children long behind me, I saw the bubblegum balloon and pilot upon the top of the next hill. I decided it would be good to have some company on the long road, and if I could get a lift to the castle in the balloon, even better! And so I hailed the man:

"Ho there pilot!"

"Hail, my good man!" the pilot  greeted me, his appearance stereotypical of a bubblegum pilot with his hot pink patent leather flying gear, complete with hat and obligatory aqua blue silk scarf.

"What brings you to this part of the land, sir, if I may enquire?" I asked.

"I've a message for the sugar god, and a very urgent one at that!" stated the pilot.

"What a coincidence!" I exclaimed, "I also have a very urgent message for Her sweet self, and I was wondering if it would be possible to have a lift to the castle in your marvellous craft!"

"If only that were possible sir," the pilot replied sadly, "I am afraid that my balloon has lost all of its stickiness, and thus cannot stick to the sky any longer."

"How unfortunate that that is the case, perhaps then you will join me on my journey to the castle on foot?"

"That will not be possible either as I must wait with my balloon for the bubble-blowers to come and restore its stickiness!"

"I'm sorry to hear that sir, as your company would be much appreciated. Well then, I fare thee well and wish you sweetest luck!" and with that I continued on my way toward the castle.

Liquorice fell upon the land early due to its being winter, and so I decided to rest until the everlasting gobstopper once again lit the sky with its rays.

During my rest I heard some curious noises that I am unable to describe, and I shall say only that they were horrifying.

At last the everlasting gobstopper rose in the sky allowing me to continue with my journey to the candy-cane castle. I walked for most of the day over the chocolate hills before I heard a voice above me:

"Ho down there!" called the pilot, "The bubble-blowers arrived early and I decided to take you up on your offer of company!"

And so we made haste across the country, the balloon sticking wonderfully to the sky, and we arrived at the castle the very next day.

When we arrived no-one was to be seen, and so we proceeded straight to the Gods throne room, where we were met by a very worried looking footman.

"Sirs, Her sweetest self is missing" he explained, "she disappeared last week and hasn't been seen since!"

My jaw dropped in horror and handed the message to the footman. "This message is meant for the God Herself but since she has so mysteriously disappeared I expect that you should have to read it."

"Indeed sir" he replied and promptly opened the letter. He read the contents out loud:

"People of the great and wise land of candy, your God is missing!"

"Is that all it says?" enquired the pilot, a slight smile playing upon his cherry lips.

"So it seems" said the footman.

"So what should we do now?" I asked, ignoring the pilots giggling.

The giggling continued and so I turned to the pilot and asked; "What is the matter with you man?!" and suddenly the pilots form melted into that of the sweet God Herself!

"Very well done sirs, I couldn't have imagined how immensely hilarious the outcome of my little joke would be! You have entertained me thoroughly!" She curtsied deeply, Her caramel cobwebbed dress licking the humbug tiles.

And with that I was back where I began. Later on when liquorice had fallen, I felt a weight in my pocket and discovered there a small Green! Well this must be some sort of reward, I thought, for entertaining Her sweet self! And I still have my little pet Green, who rides on my shoulder all the time, cloying lusciously sticky songs.

So. That was me. I came, I saw, I wandered…