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A look at an average life( if there is such a thing) |
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One of the last things he would have believed was this. Of course he never was much of a thinker anyway. But less than one minute, and it changed his whole life. But it had happened, just that way. A decision, an idea, a whim not thought through. An old obsession come back to kill. A deadly lover,an old seduction, and the end came quickly. One of the hardest things about being a drunk is that most of the time he didn't think about it,not being a great thinker and all. And when he did think about it he doubted it. Even after all of this had started he kept trying to drink. And now this. No one ever thought he would drink again anyway. He had been dry for so many years. And no one had seen him drunk anyway because no one new him then. Well, almost no one. When he had been a bartender there was this guy Ed. They had wound up at their first A.A meeting together, Ed was a regular customer at the bar where he worked, and they end up at their first meeting together, go figure. So Ed and this guy (lets call him Zip, cause that was his name) start going to meetings together. Zip made about 30 days and got drunk. Ed stayed sober. Zip made it 90 days and got drunk. Ed stayed sober. Zip made it 25 years and got drunk. Ed stayed sober. But I'm getting ahead of myself here. He actually didn't get a bad start in life when you really take a look at it. He was born a male in the 1940's, before women had much to say about the world and how it was being run. That’s one leg up. He was born white; huge advantage at that time. And his parents stayed married. Anyway, as we are always looking for the reason a person is so messed up, and because we like to look at his or her childhood, and then blame his parents, whom we have never met, and then smugly tell every one who will listen what went wrong, I will do the same thing. The first born, is that the problem? Probably not. An only child until he was 8 years old, that must be it, right? Nope, I don't think so. He was messed up the day he was born, that's my take on the whole thing. His folks were kind of super straight arrow, just up from the flat lands of Arkansas, fresh off the farm types. Well, his mom was and his dad tried to be, but was often influenced by his hell raising, hard drinking, card playing brothers. But the old man saw opportunity in Chicago for a hard working guy like himself. So he settled down to the business of getting ahead. Now back to Zip. Here are the things that he didn't know about himself. First of all that he would someday be an adult. He put the absurd idea out of his head and didn't think about it for many years. Second, he had no idea that he was as smart as anyone else. He didn't know that he was just mentally lazy, and if it wasn't fun, why do it, seemed about right to him. He was also as good looking as anyone else, but thought of himself as ugly. Fast forward to the 4th grade. and more later....Thanks for reading.....Doug |
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