Ralph, The Elf

Ralph, The Elf


"Would you care to dance?"

Sheila looked in the direction of the request and saw a little man with pointy ears wearing a green elf's outfit complete with curled up shoes and tinkly bells.

Sheila looked at the other three women sitting at the table and made a 'should I' face causing a barage of giggles from all.

She stood, towering over the elf. "Well, why not."

He took her hand in his small pudgy one and led her to the dance floor. She could hear the whisperings and giggles from her friends left behind. She didn't care. This was christmas eve. She and her friends from the office decided to blow off some steam in Iggy's Bar. Overworked and underpaid, leaving piles of year-end paperwork on their desks, four of the office's most eligible bachelorettes decided to go 'awol' for the afternoon.

A long forgotten Donna Summer disco song played from the DJ's tape deck. Sheila saw the little person's mouth moving and had to bend down to hear him.

"You come here often?" His squeaky voice yelled.

Sheila laughed at the not so original question and shook her head. They received stares from the other two couples on the floor. Three o'clock in the afternoon didn't garner much patronage for the bar. Only a spattering of people sat in various dark corners of the bar.

The song ended, dropping the noise level to almost nil and the twosome walked back to the table. The elf offered to buy a round of drinks and they accepted. He pulled up a chair and climbed into it. He was a very presumptous elf.

'Blue Christmas' By Elvis Presley hollowly echoed off the walls.

Their drinks were brought by a young woman dressed in a mini-skirted santa oufit that left little to the imigination. She distributed the drinks, while the elf pulled out a fat wad of bills. Sheila and her friends stared as he threw several twenties on her tray. The waitress gushed a "thank you" and quickly left.

"What's your name?" Sheila asked the elf.

His green eyes seemed to glitter. He removed his pointy elfin hat and placed it on the table. Curly red hair bounced and fell around his face.

"Ralph."

"Well, Ralph, I'm Sheila. This is Morgan, Laura, and Rachel."

He nodded at each one in turn, but his focus remained on Sheila.
"What are you ladies doing here in the middle of the afternoon?"

"Just came out for a quick drink. We have to be leaving soon. We don't want to miss the office party. Uh, do you work here?"

"Naw, like you, I wanted to escape for awhile."

"Escape from what? The North Pole?" Laura giggled As she twirled the end of the paisley scarf tied around her head. They didn't call her Madonna Jr. for nothing.
His green eyes narrowed and darkened as he comtemplated Laura's lighthearted question, then smiled. "Something like that."

They talked and laughed for awhile and the drinks kept coming. Sheila felt her head begin to swirl and decided they should be getting back. She gathered her purse from the floor.

"Well, Ralph, Thank you for the drinks but we should get going."

"Wait." Ralph jumped to the floor from his seat. "How did you get here?"

"We walked. It's only three blocks."

Sheila stood and the dizziness that overcame her forced her to lean on the table for support.

"Look, my limousine is out front. Why don't you let my chaffeur drive you back."
The other three stood and looked at Sheila questioningly.

"Sure, that would be great." Sheila said. A small man against four tall women. What could happen?

They each entered the black limousine eagerly, admiring the all leather seats and bar inside. The four women sat in the back seat while Ralph climbed in last and stiuated himself opposite them.

He smiled and pushed a button on the console and jets of mist spewed out from all corners of the interior. The women went promptly unconscious without a whimper.

Sheila's head felt full of cotton wadding. She was on the floor, she knew that much as she slowly opened her eyes. Something behind her was crackling and she felt a warmth on her backside. She could see a shiny hardwood floor, looking sideways from her perspective, and gathered the warmth was from a fireplace behind her. A high-pitched scream peirced the air. Sheila sat up, and she blinked in horror at her friends. Rachel, Laura and Morgan were fuzzy headed shriveled up memories of what they once were. Their once snug-fitting suits hung around them to the floor in wads. Sheila felt her own downsized body and raised her tiny pudgy hands in the air and could only stare with horrifying unbelievability.
Ralph was standing in front of them, hands on hips and grinning.

"Hello, Ladies. Welcome to the North Pole."