An eight year old's thoughts on all things religious? |
Let Us PrayHail Mary,full of grace.The Lord is with thee - - -Leo grimaced.The bloody pain in his knees was excruciating.He tried shifting his weight from one knee to the other but to no avail.The hard linoleum floor was relenting.'Stop fidgeting' his mother hissed.He was kneeling on the floor in front of a kitchen chair reciting the rosary along with the other members of his family.This was a regular Friday night ritual that normally took place at bedtime.this Friday was different as it was Good Friday and the whole evening would be spent in prayer.the stations of the cross had to be recounted - all fourteen of them with a decade of the rosary at each.Bloody Hell!!Holy Mary,mother of God.Pray for us sinners - - -Why did prayer have to be so painful?It was the same in church - hard kneelers and even harder seats.Stand up,sit down,kneel,stand up again - no respite.It seemed to Leo that most of ones religious life was spent on ones knees.It would not surprise him if all Catholics ended up as cripples.His mother,next to him was deep in prayer.Her eyes were closed.Her fingers stroked the beads of her rosary whilst her lips moved constantly, mouthing supplications to the Virgin Mary.Chris,his younger brother was at a chair across the room and obviously in as much pain as he was, whilst the baby,Peter was gurgling in his big black pram in the corner.Peter had arrived on the scene six weeks ago.They had found him ensconsed in the corner on their return from Saturady morning pictures.Their mother was aggreived that they had shown little excitement over his presence. Bloody Hell !! Tarzan had just put dozens of natives to flight in the African jungle - now that was exciting!Hail Mary,full of grace.The Lord is with thee - - -Leo's father was seated at the table,his elbows resting on the blue and white check oilcloth.They had complained bitterly about having to kneel on the floor only to be told in no uncertain terms that their father was exempt from kneeling owing to the fact that he had been on his feet all day at work.No doubt he would be off to the pub as soon as they were finished.Holy Mary,mother of God.Pray for us sinners - - -Leo gazed at the windowsill where the wireless rested.Leo loved the radio - Dan Dare,Dick Barton Special Agent,Childrens Favourites.He never missed Uncle Mac on Saturday morning - Sparky and his magic piano,The ballad of Davy Crockett,The teddy bears picnic and of course his favourite - The runaway train.The runaway train came down the track and she blew - whoooooo.His reverie was interupted by a sharp pain as the edge of his mothers open palm came in contact with the back of his head.'Stop daydreaming and concentrate on your prayers!'.His eyes welled with tears and his bottom lip trembled for a moment.Our Father who art in Heaven .........Leo often wondered about heaven.He gazed out the window into the yard,past the washing hanging on the line and up into the sky screened by dark rainclouds.It was common knowledge that heaven was up there somewhere peopled by strange beings with wings growing out of their shoulderblades.They were all Catholics because the nuns at school had told him that only Catholics go to heaven.Everybody else was a heathen and was doomed to spend eternity being devoured in the flames of Hell whilst the Devil prodded them in the arse with a big fork!It followed that all heavens occupants would speak with an Irish accent as all the Catholics Leo knew were Irish.But the pope came from Italy and surely he would be in Heaven also.He did not know where Italy was but it could not be far as the people who owned the cafe next door came from Italy.'Dirty Eye Types'his mother called them.She said that the recent crop of bed bugs they had suffered came through the crack in the wall from next door.He supposed that Italians must be Catholics too.Hail Mary full of grace,the Lord is with thee - - - -How he longed to be outside with his mates.For the last few Fridays he had been out collecting jumble with Frog and Tanner from across the road.Graham had been nicknamed Frog because he had big poppy eyes and now it was the only name he answered to.Tiny was a rag and bone man who had a shop of sorts on the corner and they would gather there after school to borrow Tiny's barrow in order to go collecting.Tiny was an archetypal 'totter'.He stood six feet tall and was always dressed in a scruffy coat and cap.The only thing that made him stand out from his peers was his white muffler.This was immaculately clean and he wore it tied as a cravat around his neck like a badge.Tiny had told them that the best time to go collecting was Friday as people would be feeling generous after being paid.They would make there way up to Hornsey where it was said that people had 'plenty of dosh'.Knocking on doors masquerading as local cubs collecting for a jumble sale they would soon have a barrowload of goodies.Once back at Tiny's he would sort out the rags from the woollens and put to one side all the other items they had accumulated.At the back of the shop was a pile of secondhand comics and they would be allowed to pick 5,10 or even 20 depending to the amount of swag they had deposited.Their foray into the rag and bone business had been abruptly halted when Frog's dad had found out.He confronted Tiny accusing him of 'taking a bloody liberty' .When Tiny argued the point Frog's dad duly knocked out two of his teeth.Holy Mary,mother of God,pray for us sinners - - -Christ,was there no end to these bloody prayers.His mind wandered to the rosary.10 Hail Mary's,14 stations of the cross.It took a moment for his eight year old mind to multiply the figures - that was 140 Hail Mary's.there were four of them in the room (the baby didn't count as he couldn't pray - lucky devil!).That made... (he thought deeply) ... 560 prayers to Mary.That was only in this house.What about all the other millions of house?Then it hit him. He reckoned it was divine intervention (that is what the priest would have called it anyway).All those thousands of prayers.There was only one possible answer.Why had no on ethought of it before.It was so simple.So obvious.MARY WAS F.....G DEAF |