Counseling

                                                Counseling
                                            Narrated by: Koock
         
              "Hey guys, how did throwing the frisbee go?" I said, trying to show all the other students, especially the hot girls, all my moves, as we left the gym during fourth period.
         Now that fifth period was up, I could now go to study hall. Every other day, I would go down to see Mr. Dill. He was also known as the Shrink of Baldness and Dr. Dill. As, I entered his office, which had the spray painted words, "Peckerhead" on the door, Dr. Dill sat at his desk typing away. When he saw me, he shook my power ranger gloved hand.
         "Come on in, have a seat, Roger," he said, with his usual southern accent.
         "My name's Koock, Dr. Dill. Do you want a jumping?" I said, a bit irritated.
         Dr. Dill ignored me and sat himself down. "Let's get started... first off take your gloves off."
         "No," I said.
         "Listen, you don't need a pair of gloves to tickle a gypsy."
         "What?"
         "You don't need a personal tragedy, to pee in a monestary."
         "What!?"
         "You don't need Luxembourg, ot watch Spongebob Squarepants."
         "What the heck are you talking about?!" I yelled.
         "You don't know what I'm talking about do you?" Dr. Dill asked.
         "No, I freakin' don't!"
         "That's too bad, because I'm trying to help yer children out. I'm on their side, not yours."
         I had no idea what this stupid power ranger hater was talking about, nor did I care.
         "I don't have any children, Dr. Dill!"
         "Well then, you don't need to learn the bossa nova, to touch yerself and giggle... and you don't need to do a silly dance, to make out with somebody else's platypus."
         I was really confused. "Doing what?"
         "You don't need Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cottontail to skin a gopher, either," he said.
         As the red ranger of the power ranger club, it was my duty to weed out evil, and smoke them... I mean kill them. So, I naturally jumped up and slapped Dr. Dill and ran like a power ranger never had before.
         Unfortunately, by the next day, I got another pass to Dr. Dill's office. He sat at his desk, looking at me with concern. "Roger, I think we need to talk about yer personal life."
         I could see where this was going. He wanted to know my secret identity so that he could tell who I was outside my ranger self. "Power rangers have secret personal lives that only they know of. Dr. Dill."
         "I'm just going to get down to the point... have you ever been touched inappropriately in some of yer private big boy parts that I won't go into detail of right now?" he asked me. It wasn't exactly what I thought he was going to say, but I had to keep my secrets secret.
         "Define, big boy parts," I said.
         "I said I wouldn't discuss that," Dr. Dill replied.
         "No, you said you wouldn't go into detail, so just give me a non-detailed definition for my power ranger self."
         "I'm sorry but I can't, that would get me fired."
         "But you already asked if I had been inappropriately touched in my big boy parts, that's discussing it."
         "As I said before, I said I wouldn't go into to detail, now just answer the damn question!" Dr. Dills' face was red as red.
         "You first."
         "About what, parts being touched or big boy definition?"
         "Both."
         "I can't answer both."
         "All right then, big boy definition," I told him.
         "I can't do that, I said I wouldn't go into detail..."
         "Then parts being touched."
         "That's a personal question and I don't need to answer that..." I don't know what happened exactly, but the continual questions were making Dr. Dill frustrated beyond comprehension. He jumped up and slapped me and left his office like no shrink ever had before.
         The next day, I got yet another pass to Dr. Dills' office. Now, I don't mind a little spotlight as the red ranger and all, but this was too far out of hand. I had to set Dr. Dill straight about speaking to famous power rangers.
         "Today I'm going to talk about what you see, when you look at these pictures," Dr. Dill said, as he held a stack of black and white pictures.
         He held up the first and I answered honestly. "Yellow ranger."
         Dr. Dill looked at the picture and shook his head. "It's a banana. Let's try again."
         The second picture I answered honestly again. "Blue ranger."
         "It's a blue whale, Roger," Dr. Dill said. Holding up the next one, I answered pink ranger, but of course he had to counter my own eyes and say it was an flamingo. I was very agitated because of this. I countered his statements of him saying that the next three, which he said were a ice cream cone, maple leaf, and teddy bear, were actually a white ranger, a green ranger and a red morpher.
         "Okay, last is this one," he said, with a sigh and held up a picture which clearly looked like a picture of myself, the red ranger, but he said it was an umbrella.
         "Roger, do you really believe you're a power ranger?" Dr. Dill asked. I couldn't believe it.
         "You doubt my power ranger skills and way of life? How dare you!" I yelled and jumped up and slapped Dr. Dill on his bald head. I ran off down the hall and out of the office, where I made my way back to study hall, to practice my awe inspiring moves. I could tell I would need to know a lot about slapping techniques before the year was up.