Wifey (Chapter 4)

Chapter 4

Now, I never said cheating was a healthy way of confronting the conflicts in a marriage. It is almost passive aggressive way of facing your problems at hand. I had, I have and I tried to work on our marriage so even though I knew it was fruitless, then emotionally I finally gave up. I do not hate my husband, but don’t I deserve to be happy? He is not the most horrible person in the world it is just that things are lacking like any marriage. Yes, if I divorce him and marry another it will be a different issue, different person, but problems nevertheless. So I choose to do it this way…so don’t judge me. Call it whatever you like, people say just get divorced if you are not happy and I say “WHATEVER”. After everything that has happened between my husband and I over the past ten years I have invested too much time, I might at well go for the long hall. We are building a life, merging finances, getting in and out of debt, connecting and merging families. Throw everything away over intimacy? No. I refuse to “throw the baby out with the bath water”.

Question, if the shoe was on the other foot, could or would I deal with it??? Probably.

If I can’t get love. I will take whatever I can for now.

I realized that I have finally shut completely down. Actually, it gives me a sense of peace in a way, but my hunger grows. I am like a tiger looking for a kill, searching and searching for prey.

One night my husband went to his friend’s home to watch the game and I dressed up and managed to slip out of the house. I decided to go out alone not with Jasmine or any one. A new me again had emerged. A confident, discrete, uncompromising, unscared, adventurous new me. As I drove I couldn’t believe I actually went out by myself and it felt good. I felt a huge rush. No longer did I need the shackles of my friends. No longer did I need an escort to go out. Immediately I felt stronger.

It was a cooler night, it has been a couple of months since my last liaison and I wanted some intimacy again. For the past couple of years, I had felt a deep sense of neglect so I was trying desperately to feel the “void” in my heart. I stopped at Cream Nightclub and parked in the back of an abandoned building down the street. I didn’t want my husband or a family member to drive down the street and just happen to see my car. This would cause problems, because tonight I was supposed to be at home. The night was really cool. Even though it was much too cool to walk outdoors in the night air without a jacket, I didn’t want to bring a coat in the club with me. I had the heat on blast while I drove to the club so I was sufficiently warm for the moment, even though I didn’t know how long that would last once I left my car.

I stepped out of my car and felt the cool breeze hit my face, arms and then shoulders. The curly hair on my arms began to stand at attention. I felt a light chill travel from the straps of my heels to my ankles, to my knees and toward the warmth between my legs. I walked quickly and finally reached the front door. The line was not long, maybe because it was a weeknight and most people were at home getting ready for work the next day. The hardcore club goers were there so there was somewhat a crowd. Before I walked through the door, the bouncer looked at me suspiciously and asked for my purse. I gave it to him and he searched through it as if he was looking for something illegal. He wanted to “search” me and I turned around to comply. Being a big burly guy that he was, he started to pat me down starting from my shoulders to my hips. I had nothing on me so he let me pay and walk through.

The lights were pulsating. The music was circling around me, bouncing in and out my ears. Grey shadows moved across the dance floor and they glided past me almost in rhythm to the music. The people on the dance floor looked like synchronized swimmers with their hands moving toward the ceiling at the same time, their hips rocking from side to side. It looked as if it was a performance. I wanted to join in. I wanted to dance and dance and dance, so I went into the middle of the dance floor. The dj started playing a Jamaican song and I started to whine. My hips moved in a deep circle. My body moved low to the floor and then I moved my hips back up. I started to turn around in a circle and the bodies started to moved closer to me. I could smell the heat radiating from the bodies; I felt the warmth and the smokiness of the day’s troubles being lifted out of the club into the night air. As I turned around, an anonymous body moved closer to me and touched me. I closed my eyes and allowed the body to move even closer to me and grab my hand. It was a firm touch and I opened my eyes and noticed a man. He had brownish gray-green eyes with miniature images of me in both of his eyes. His hand was very soft for a man but firm. He skin was the color of the caramel macchiato vente made with non-fat milk from starbucks that I indulged myself from time to time. His lips were thinner and not as full as I normally see in black men, which was somewhat unusual to me. I thought about that thought for a moment but struggled it off. He twirled me around and he danced closer to me, as song after song began and ended. His smell was intoxicating. His voice was soft, not very deep and he spoke sweet words in my ear. It seemed like minutes but after hours I felt as if I had known him for a while. He felt comfortable, he felt safe to me…just from a dance.

Later that night, he proceeded to lead me to the door. I was ready to leave and I had completely sweated my clothes and hair out. I was tired. I was ready to go home.

But I was horny.

The musical notes from the music didn’t fill me up and satisfy me as I had hoped. I needed the touch of someone. I looked over at him, I didn’t even know his name… but I thought what the hell. He held my hands and asked where I parked. I pointed….to the abandoned building near the club. As we walked down the street, to the back of the building where my car was parked… he said that he wanted to make sure that I made it to my car safely because there might be “perverts” around. I had no interest in going anywhere else that night so I started to tease him. Once we reached my car, I noticed that he wanted to talk and he started to linger by my car. I was looking at his broad shoulders and thought about the hidden condom in my glove compartment. I began to intensify the teasing. I began to become sexual. For a split second I was thinking, “GO HOME”… but I realized that I would not satisfy the growing feeling inside of me. I started to get cold due to the night air and I suggested that we sit in my car. We began to talk and get to know each other. He told me that I was beautiful. He told me that I was sexy. He said a lot of things that night. So we kissed. I loved the softness of his lips. He brushed his skin passed me and I could tell that he didn’t shave that night. I could feel the roughness on his lower chin. His smell was a mixture of musk and his natural smell. It was driving me crazy. I gazed up into his eyes and I kissed him deeper and deeper. Our tongues touched and our saliva intermixed. He tasted good and I complimented him. Even though he was sitting in the passenger seat, I glanced around to see if anyone was around which there wasn’t and I straddled him. We had been sitting in the car talking for a while and most of the cars were gone. While I kept deep kissing him, my left hand moved behind my back, opened the glove compartment and fished around for the condom. Once I found it, I closed the glove compartment and kept my hand behind my back. I started to grind my body against his and felt the hardness between my legs. He began to rub my back slowly. His hands began to move from my back to my stomach. He moved his hands up my lower stomach to my breasts and he touched my neck. As we kissed deeper and deeper his grasp around my neck tightened. My hand went under my skirt and pushed my underwear over so that his hand could touch me. I pulled down his zipper and pulled out his manhood. I gave him the condom and he temporarily let go of my neck to put it on. Once he did, he inserted himself inside of me and it felt good. It was like my burning sensation was quenched. I bounced up and down slowly, trying to grind him as hard as I could into the seat. Our hips touched and he grasped my neck again. He tightened his grip as I found my rhythm. He was cutting off my air, but I felt as if I was high. He was much bigger than my husband so I felt a little pain. My body accepted his size and after a couple of minutes it felt more comfortable. He tilted his hips so that I could feel him move deeper inside of me. He began to move his hips also and the car began to get hot. We were steaming up the windows. It was hot inside the car. I felt as if he was trying climb inside of me, trying to drink me up completely. Our wave began to grow stronger and stronger until it burst. Our voices came together in unison and the water splashed the windows inside of the car and dripped down. He let go of my neck; I kissed him on this nose and climbed off of him.

I glanced at the clock and realized that it was 3 am. My mind started to race. I told my lover that I needed to get home because I had to work and he excused himself with a kiss. I smiled him and he proceeded to write his number down for me to call him. I took the slip of paper when he handed it to me through the window. I backed out of the parking lot, glanced back and noticed my lover’s figure disappear into the night. I looked at the message, “Keith 678-299-5588 Call me”. I crumbled it up and pushed it in my purse. I didn’t want to throw it away that easily. I might want to see him again in the future. I sped down the street and got on the expressway. I didn’t even realize how far I actually drove to get to the club. Once I turned down my street, I drove slowly and I began to get a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. I drove slow and then saw what I didn’t want to see, my husband’s car. I then realized that I probably smelled of sex and I put my fingers between my legs to make sure to make sure that I didn’t have a pungent odor from the mixture of passion, sperm and my natural smell. I found some lotion in my console, poured some in my hands and rubbed it between my legs to hopefully change the smell. I looked at my cell phone and noticed that I had over 7 missed calls. All from my husband! I parked and cautiously climbed out the car and walked toward the door. I walked up the walkway and proceeded to touch the door, when I did the door flew open. I looked up and my husband was staring at me with his eyes glaring.

“Where in the hell have you been and how did you get those marks around your neck????”