A Fear of Writing

I started writing as a child, I don't remember exactly when. I used to write short fantasy-type stories, and in my teens began writing poetry. When I was fifteen I was home sick from school and began writing a story to pass the time. By the time my mum came home from work I'd hand written about 12 sides of A4. The story I began writing that day has captivated me ever since. In my mind I have completed the story, which has led to a prequel and at least two following books. But they only exist in my mind.

The tales span many eras in the same kingdom, following a man who inadvertantly becomes the keeper of time. A man watching over the people and magic of the world. I never meant to create these stories about him, but from the first story I wrote with him in it I couldn't get him out of my head. His life and journey captivate me and I think about him on most days.

but I rarely get anything down on paper, or screen, about him.

About a year ago I started writing a strange narrative whilst watching television. It was disjointed and eery, not the type of thing I usually write. It was refreshing to be writing something so different and I really enjoyed scribbling the bits down as they came to me. The main characters were a dishcloth and an enigma and as I tried thinking of ways to even them up I also began thinking of where the story was going. Before I knew what was going on I had the back story for both of the main characters and a fair idea of where the story was taking them, and me. Once I had that worked out I stopped writing about them.

I'm not psychologist, but my reckoning there's one of two things going on here. The first is that the enjoyment I get from writing is similar to that of reading. For me the real fun is in following the characters on their journey and as soon as I know where it takes them I no longer feel that burning desire to write.

The second, and more amusing, possibility is that I'm scared because I feel the stories have become too big for me. They were never meant to be big, meaningfull stories, I never asked them to grow that big, but now that they have a feel I can't do them justice. The task is just too daunting for my poor little brain.

Of course, knowing this should make beating it easier, right? I like to think so, but so far that knowledge hasn't helped me at all. Knowing what you're afraid of only makes hiding from it easier. If I feel that nagging hunger to start writing I find ways of procrastinating, like watching TV or tidying up, hell, writing articles! What I really need to do is find a way to beat my fear. Any ideas?