A poem about a period of self-harm I went through around a year ago |
I took the knife from the chopping board The black handle with the stainless steel lining appealed to me I walked over to the brown chopping board And pulled it out as if pulling out a sword from it’s sheath Once it was out I slowly turned the blade back and forth So I could see examine both sides of the edge Then I caught a reflection from the ceiling lights And ran the reflection right across and off the blade Then I walked down the hallway towards the lounge I was wearing a grey shirt that was completely unbuttoned A white “wife beater” vest and a pair of jeans And had my black dyed hair tucked behind my ears When I reached the far left chair in the lounge I sat and rolled up the sleeve of my left arm Saw the scabs of the previous cuts healing over Saw the orange fake tan flakes crusting around the scabs I stared for a while and then cleaned them up Picking the dead bits of skin from my arm Then rubbing my middle finger across the cuts As if brushing away rubber shavings from a piece of paper The room was dimly lit and large And as I sat in the far left chair I felt as in a movie In the big ol’ empty country house Something sinister is about to happen Like in those movies that begin with a house shot Then lighting crackles over the house and the trees sway The camera pans round to a dimly lit window And all you can see is a chair and the top of someone’s head Once I was comfortable I straightened out my arm Flattened the outer part of my wrist to the armrest Then I picked up the knife from the opposite armrest And thought for a moment about whether or not this was a good choice to make |