You'll Never See Me Cry

I remember the day I made the promise to myself, that you’d never see tears in these eyes. The day I trudged on even though I didn’t want too. The cold bit at me but I made my feet push on. I refused to let you see the tears dripping from my eyes. Those horrid waterfalls of the soul. I stood there and stared for a minute, wishing it would go away, but then pushed on, as not to risk you seeing my face in this state. Can we put a day on repeat forever? Walk so slow that second’s feel like an eternity? You can’t tell me you are not hurting, and if you can honestly say so, then did this ever mean anything to you? It’s a wonder to me that every step felt like a year, long and dragged out. The tears started to freeze as I walked; I stuck out my tongue to catch the salty sentiment of these lonely and helpless feelings. So many people must have passed; I wonder if any of them saw the tears in my eyes, saw the hurt that I walked with. I wonder if anyone cared as to what I was crying about, but why would they? Just another sorrowful story for their mind, as they go through the day. A few negative feelings to put them down. The truth is, I would have killed to have had someone stop and ask what’s wrong. I wanted to collapse and spill my soul to anyone who would listen. How pathetic I must have looked, walking through the night with tears on my face, my own guilty feelings making me walk away from you and hope I’d get hit by a car. You know you can read me like a book, but the truth is, I let you. Do you think I’d really make myself so obvious? Every facial gesture, every word, hand crafted in my mind creating a sentence. My goal? To make me sound naïve, to play the part you give me. You win. You want to lead, and this is the part you’ve been assigned, but who will be my leader when you’re gone? Nonetheless that day I wouldn’t play the game. I lied, hid my feelings from everyone but the people who passed me, too oblivious to even notice my existence. Successful? I guess…but what did it get me? It’s a memory only I have and a memory only I will know and keep. Not cause I treasure it…more because I loathe it. If you had seen me on that walk, I suppose you would have wept with me or for me. You’d either want to wrap your arms around me, in an embrace, tight as you could, or slapped me until I saw that my sobbing was pathetic and beneath me. I don’t know if you’re living in hell as the days pass…but to me, every second I fall deeper into the depths of the flames as I watch you distance yourself. The promise still stands, you won’t see me cry, so when I’m saying goodbye, I’ll look away, bite my lip and hope that the tears don’t fall, as I watch you walk out the door and leave me to face my life alone.