A RELATIVE NIGHTMARE

A RELATIVE NIGHTMARE

I watched as Mom made a very long grocery list. This could only mean that company was coming and more than two people, or maybe a bunch of pigs.

“Are we having company?” I asked hoping it wasn’t Dad’s brother and his family that was coming. “That’s a pretty long list.”

“Your Uncle Andy and Aunt Ruth are coming tomorrow and they’re bringing the boys, too.” Mom tapped her pencil on the table as she checked the list. “I need you to clean the house while I make the cold salads and get stuff ready for tomorrow.”

Yep, I was right. A bunch of pigs would be invading the house. They would eat till their stomachs were over full and then lean back in their chairs and tell Mom and Dad about not being able to pay this bill and that bill. Andy would say something about his last boss refusing to pay him. Who does he think he’s fooling? I’m twelve now and I can’t remember seeing any callous on his hands and he definitely isn’t smart enough to work in an office. 

“I’ll help clean the house but I don’t think they’ll notice if it’s clean or not.” I knew I was pressing my luck but added, “Can I please go spend the day with Ginny tomorrow?” Ginny was my best friend and we hung out as much as we could.

“No! You need to stay and visit with your relatives. They haven’t seen you for a while.” She shifted her eyes from the grocery list to give me a threatening stare and said, “Call them Uncle Andy and Aunt Ruth this time.”

No way could those people be kin to me. I nodded my head and kept my mouth shut because Mom wasn’t in any mood for my back-talk. I would have to be careful and not say Andy or Ruth out loud.

I dusted the furniture and vacuumed the floor. Dad had already left to get the groceries and Mom was finishing two Jell-O salads. I knew Mom liked to cook and didn’t want any help except when she needed something like, “Get me the butter.” Or, “Set the table.” So I stayed out of her way, but handy.

The next morning was a cold cereal breakfast and I did the dishes so Mom could start cooking. Noon arrived and no one showed. Yeah! Maybe they forgot. I felt sorry for Mom. The fried chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans, and everything else was getting cold. At least she had left the Jell-O salads in the fridge.

At one fifteen, two cars stopped in front of the house. People poured out of the cars and into the house as if someone had rang a dinner bell. More pigs than expected. The table groaned with food but I wondered if Mom had cooked enough to feed the extras.

Ruth grabbed me in the living room. “Oh! There’s my beautiful niece.” Her hug was more like a headlock and then she ruffled my mousy brown hair. Now my hair looked as bad as her red hair. I wondered if she had combed it or not? I inhaled to say, “Hi Ruth,” but the body odor caused my throat and nose to constrict so I gave her a lop-sided smile and backed out of the headlock. Her dress needed ironing and the sleeve was ripped at the arm pit.

“Have you said hello to Uncle Andy?” I heard Mom ask from the kitchen. Andy had already made his way to the table and stationed himself by the fried chicken like a vulture on a dead carcass. His shirt was wrinkled and sweat stained and his greasy hair hung over his collar.

I intended to give Andy a quick hug while I held my breath and then get out of the house, but found myself setting on his right knee. “You like Uncle Andy, don’t you?” he asked and started bouncing me violently on his bony knee. I felt like a rag doll with ratty hair and a bruised butt. He didn’t really want an answer. He wanted to eat. I nodded as I slid off his knee and headed for the back door and fresh air.

“Wait just a minute, young lady. You didn’t say hello to Aunt Marie. She’s your Dad’s half sister and I don’t think you have ever met her or her kids,” Mom said as she started naming people that I had never seen. More Pigs I wondered?

“Let’s eat before the food gets cold,” Andy grumbled.

I watched as Andy and his three sons, pilled food onto their plates until it threatened to slide off. Of course they had to be first. There might not be enough food for them to have a second helping.

I watched the relative nightmare. It was like slopping the hogs. I had seen this before and it still embarrassed me. I knew the bowls of food would be empty before they left. I have to admit Aunt Marie and her kids seemed to have more manners, even though they looked a little goofy. Their clothes were clean and ironed. Her hair was combed and neat.

“Excuse me; I need to get my hair out of my eyes.” I said and heard Ruth giggle. I slipped out the back door, grabbed my bike and headed for Ginny’s house a couple of blocks away.

Ginny and I listened to music and talked about the cutest boys in school. We were twelve going on thirteen and boys were beginning to catch our attention. Three hours later I told her that our company should be gone by now and I had better get home. I knew I was in trouble for leaving and not visiting with those people.

I slid my green and white bike to a stop at the side of the house and walked around to the front steps. Their cars were still parked in front of the house. I turned to run back to my bike but the front door burst open.

“There you are! We’ve been wait’n for you so we could say bye,” Ruth laugh as she gave me another headlock hug and ruffed up my hair again. Aunt Marie nodded a goodbye as she headed for her car. Andy walked by me with out a word as he tucked a check into his shirt pocket. Not only did he get his family fed but was able to get money too. It would be a couple of years (maybe never I hoped) before they came around again and I was glad.

Sometimes it is hard to keep skeletons in the closet, but in my case they were pigs.