Helping Youth Through Their Brokenness

Helping Youth Through Their Brokenness and Doubt


“Then Levi gave a great banquet for him in his house; and there was a large crowd of tax collectors and others sitting at the tablewith them. The Pharisees and their scribes were complaining to his disciples, saying, ‘Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?’ Jesus answered, ‘Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick; I have come to call not the righteous but sinners to repentance.’”
-Luke 5:29-32, New Revised Standard Version

There are many who are quick to say that our youth have (made for themselves) a lot of problems these days: violence in schools, drugs, poor academic performance, STDs and pregnancy, eating disorders . . . the list goes on and on. These are symptoms of a great deal of emotional, physical, and spiritual confusion and hurt among our young people, a brokenness or illness leaving youth in suspended pain. Perhaps one of the reasons why we in our society are having such trouble “fixing” these complications is because while we seek to treat the symptoms of this brokenness (i.e., by educating teens about drugs and contraception and healthy eating habits) we spend very little time or energy on treating the brokenness itself.

Imagine a person who realizes that he is ill because he has a stuffy nose and a cough, loads himself up with pain medication to mask the congestion and rattling in his chest, but doesn’t take the time to rest or see his doctor for advice so that he can begin to get better. If he continues to pass up these fundamental opportunities for healing, he’ll be sick most of the time! In the same way, treating merely the symptoms of brokenness may make us feel better for a short period of time, but the greatest good is done when we look to heal the problem itself. How do we do this? By going to the Healer of Creation himself, whose presence is most clearly known in the Church, the gathered community of faith.

At present, many congregations have not adopted the healthiest means of helping youth sift through their brokenness, which includes their disbelief, doubt, and isolation. We have encouraged the idea that Christians (or “good” Christians) don’t doubt, don’t fear, don’t grieve, but these are all integral experiences of life and of our relationships with God and one another. When young people exhibit these confusing emotions, we are only equipped with lectures, diatribes, and blank assurances that are incomprehensible and even distasteful to youth. While the time-tested directives and words of wisdom such as “Read your Bible and pray,” “Trust in God,” and “Good things will come to those who wait” can be helpful reminders, they mean next to nothing when they are not given within the context of a communicative relationship or an existing understanding of faith. Young people, especially teenagers, are just beginning the struggle to determine what they believe and there is little certainty for them to fall back upon. They also suffer from a lack of meaningful, healthy relationships with people connected to church so that they can regularly talk with someone about their faith.

Ministry never occurs in a vacuum: it is important to know the circumstances and environment in which we are working, and to know the beliefs and assumptions with which suffering person(s) are making life decisions. In order to understand how we can help teens and young adults through their doubt and disbelief, we need to understand the nature of the lives young people lead today.


The Current Context for Ministry
The world that young adults experience is ever-changing and, at times, complex. In this section are described the experiences of teens and young adults.

• Information overload – There is an overwhelming amount of data available to young people through the use of such media as the Internet, television, and movies, but there is often much less understanding than there is data. Many teens and young adults do not know how to process all of the information and make it a part of their lives.
- Integrity of information is uncertain. There is an underlying question, “How do I know who/what to believe?” They have been taught to scrutinize authority, tradition, and institution, and they are skeptical of anything forced upon them because they think it contain the lies and hypocrisy they have come to expect from the world—a popular movie which echoes this suspicion is The Matrix. There are so many possible interpretations about life’s critical questions: who is right?
- They operate in a multi-sensory world– the word audio-visual has become a technological dinosaur, for this generation can easily watch TV, listen to an MP3 sound byte and work on a paper for class all at once.
- Information and ideas can no longer be held back or quarantined. Where once the church was the primary source for spiritual information, now there are many sources.

• Instant gratification – Recently a TV ad for internet service featured people saying, “I want the web in real time, like my life.” Life in “real time” seems to be what young people want—everything instantly available to them. “I want it now” seems to be their motto.
- The desire and expectation for information now, music now, connection now has been enforced by Internet search engines, downloadable MP3 files, and instant messaging services.
- They have the urge to “live life on the edge” through extreme sports and adventures—sky diving, bungee jumping, “skayaking” (sky diving affixed to a kayak, then landing in a river) are popular ideas of ways to push the envelope, get a rush, live to the extreme. In short, this is their idea of how to “feel alive.”
- These impulses and popular ideas feed the perspective, “if it feels good, do it.”

• Increased secularization of society- In former days the issue was, “What vision of God shall govern our life together?” Now there is no longer an assumption that any such vision is necessary.
- Young people believe that they do not need faith or a sacred vision of the world to wrestle with great questions of meaning, to find a purpose for their lives
- There seems to very little solid ground in which to root young adults, both spiritually and
culturally
- Young people live in a society that can be considered “Post-Christian”:
- Teens and young adults are biblically illiterate, tradition-illiterate
- Among them there is little denominational loyalty, and little loyalty to a particular religion
- Young adults are increasingly believers and decreasingly joiners
- They are quite aware of multi-cultural issues and a diversity of faith perspectives


• Lack of Connectedness and Community – The young people of this generation were raised by parents who were out finding themselves in work rather than in family or faith. This has led to latchkey children who have not been fully taught the value of communicative and caring relationships.

• Brokenness and Dysfunction – This generation knows brokenness, and is capable of talking about it. In fact, they like talking about it. They are wrestling with it together.


The Portrait of a Young Person
Describing the typical teen or young adult is difficult. Still, there are some observations that can be made about this diverse group:

• Their identity is in transition – Their idea of who they are is changing, sometimes swayed by seemingly minute encounters.
- Beginning with puberty, young people endure an onslaught of rapid change with the new responsibilities and pressures introduced to them through middle school, high school, and college: this will likely be the first time he or she drives a car, holds a job, spends long periods of time away from home, manages his or her own time. With so much changing, they can be easily confused about their identity and their purpose.
- Young people tend to be relativistic, not absolute: they tend to describe themselves based on what has happened to them today rather than looking at the “big picture.”

• There is a very strong need for connectedness
- Young people want to be listened to
- they seek friends for companionship, not answers – they want someone to be with them
- “Don’t abandon me!” is a critical cry
- They have a strong desire for honest dialogue
- They don’t want to wrestle with life’s questions alone
- Yet, at the same time, they often want black and white answers and are drawn to groups that offer “all of the answers” to life’s questions
- There is the perception that there is a general lack of solid ground – all around them they see broken families, homes, relationships, etc. What really lasts? What can I count on?
- Young people arrive at young adulthood with severe woundedness
- many of them are victims of sexual assault, child abuse
- Typically, young adults are sexually active, but are socially isolated
- Intimacy is replaced with sex: “I like him/her; let’s have sex and if that goes well, maybe it will lead to something.”

• They have a very strong desire to “make a difference” in the world
- They want to help shape the world in a better way
- They want life-changing experiences that allow them to make the world better
- They want to be a participant, not a spectator

• They have a strong desire for community, but have minimal or no church experience
- They want to be a part of a community that cares and is compassionate; they want to work together with others to make a difference
- They have an underdeveloped belief structure
- They are “post-Christian” (see above)
- They have minimal awareness of religious language with which to wrestle with faith questions
- Many don’t even recognize names like Moses and Mary
- They have a growing willingness and desire to explore new faith options
- They are willing to check it out, try it for themselves
- Many will never return to the church later—the Augsburg Youth & Family Studies Institute reports that 90% of children who have grown up in the church drift away at age 16, and 50-60% of those who stop going to church by age 21 do not return by age 35

• They have a distrust of authority, tradition, institution
- They are taught to scrutinize messages received
- They might say, “If the church says it has all the answers, then it must be wrong.”
- “I don’t want anyone else telling me what to do!”

• They are inclined to individualistic, quick, feel-good solutions
- Eastern religions have a powerful appeal for young adults
- The eastern religions are often individualistic, which they see as good
- Young people are seeking for something more powerful beyond themselves
- They are attracted to the exotic and the extreme
- They tend to distrust what they know, particularly institutions
- They may resort to feel-good, quick, extreme solutions (risk-taking)
- This raises a critical question: How do we meet their spiritual needs?


Helping Youth Through Their Brokenness and Doubt Through Relational Ministry
As a church, we are in the process of defining a vision for youth and young adult ministries. In developing this vision, we need to take into account what we know of the nature of young people today and encourage activities that will nurture their spiritual needs, help them grow through this difficult period of change, and will aid in the journey of God healing their brokenness. Here are some issues and suggestions to think about:

• Availability of community leaders (pastors, mentors, etc.) is a critical issue!
Someone needs to be there to help young people where they are, in “real time,” all the time. The Augsburg Youth & Family Studies Institute reports seven dynamics that are of considerable significance for individual faith development (listed in no particular order):

- Mother who attended church/read the Bible
- Father who attended church/read the Bible
- Regular dialogue with mother about faith
- Regular dialogue with father about faith
- Regular dialogue with pastor, teacher, mentor
- Experienced regular reading of the Bible and/or regular devotional practices
- Experiencing a servanthood event with a parent

The Institute also surveyed adults active in their churches, asking who their major influences in faith development have been. Here are the most popular answers in order, with a number alongside the first two indicating the percentage of how many of those surveyed named that figure as an integral influence in their faith development:
- Mother—77%
- Father—60%
- Grandparent
- Pastor
- Youth
- Sunday School Teacher

• Ministry to young adults must be relational
Young adults need to be connected to others in a meaningful way, in a community that works in the world to make a difference:
- Connected to peers and mentors
- Connected with the community
- Connected to Christ: we are ambassadors for Christ

• Ministry must be done in the context of a gathered community committed to outreach
The church needs to be the church – to reach “unchurched” young adults and help this group to make a difference, to come into a relationship with God.


When we view the large percentages of young adults leaving and never returning to church, let us not lament for loss of numbers. Instead, let us think of the loss of those who could have been (and could still be) part of the community of faith, who could enrich our experience and allow themselves to be enriched, who could love and find love in return. These are symptoms of spiritual and emotional health, which arise through the help of God, who is “Healer of our every ill.”

The formation of faith leads to a foundation for life. Here and now, just as we have God’s presence with us, we have the opportunity and means to secure the faith development of our young people by being as Christ to them—teaching, sharing, serving, engaging—rather than simply preaching at them or leaving the task of helping them to people other than ourselves. “It takes a village” was the popular cry a few years back, and we can benefit from the vein of this observation: it takes the community of faith to help our youth develop and continue their relationship with God.



Resources

The Youth and Family Institute www.youthfamilyinstitute.com
The Youth and Family Institute of Augsburg College www.augsburg.edu/yfi
The Center for Youth Ministries at Wartburg Seminary www.wartburgseminary.edu/cym
Youth Leadership www.youthleadership.org
ELCA Youth Ministry Network www.elcaymnet.org
ELCA Youth Page www.elca.org/youth.html
Faith Inkubators www.faithink.com
Group Publishing www.grouppublishing.com


Suggested Reading:

“Turn into the Wind.” Kelter, Shirley, ed. Winona, MN: Saint Mary’s Press, 1999.
A great collection of prayers and reflections by college students.

“Stuff You Gotta Know: Straight Talk on Real Life.” Doud, Guy. St. Louis: Concordia Publishing House, 1993.
A book for youth which discusses issues that others may be afraid to address.

“High Frequency” Series. Minneapolis: Augsburg Fortress.
A fantastic series of workbooks which use albums by Christian musicians such as Ken Medema and Lost and Found as a basis for talking with youth about their faith.

“Passing on the Faith: A Radical New Model For Youth and Family Ministry.” Strommen, Merton P. and Hardel, Richard A. Winona, MN: Saint Mary’s Press, 2000.

“Effective Youth Ministry: A Congregational Approach.” Martinson, Roland D. Minneapolis: Augsburg Publishing House, 1988.

“The Godbearing Life: The Art of Soul Tending for Youth Ministry.” Dean, Kenda Creasy and Foster, Ron. Nashville: Upper Room Books, 1998.

“5-Minute Bible Studies: Quick, Seasonal Studies for Any Setting.” Doyle, Thomas J. and Sonnenburg, Roger R. St. Louis: Concordia Publishing House, 1994.

“The 13 Most Important Bible Lessons for Teenagers: Complete Meetings for Youth Groups and Sunday School.” Loveland, CO: Group Publishing, Inc., 1993.

“Up the Creek With a Paddle: Building Effective Youth and Family
Ministry.” Hill, Paul, ed. Minneapolis: Augsburg Fortress, 1998, 1999.