Change Is Not For Everyone

I never knew
With love came pain
In the end
It just screws you over
Feeling naked; over-exposed
Used and abused
Why me?
Everyday is the same
A fake smile; laugh
I’m alone
Mentally and physically
A chance to think
Just to forget; move on
Impossible
Forget you
And the joy you brought

Like a high
It came fast
Leaving me breathless
And destroyed
Alone?
Hate the word; the emotions
Alone.

I know that hurt
It hurt me too
Letting people down
Not following through

Incompetent; useless
These feelings in me
Never going away
Eating me alive
In a way, I deserve this
A personal punishment
Betrayal

My life-to change
Could I?
Strengths; guts
Take a chance
But I can’t.
It scares me; change scares me.
Being me and no one else
Why me?
I want, need, to know
Hurt - pain.

How much more heartbreak
Can my heart take?
This hurt
Weighs so much
On me; my will
Fight back
To survive
The world hates me
No one wants me around
No one knows me
Yet they continue to judge

I’m a no name
A nobody

No one cares for my kind
I’m an anomaly
Different; unique

I want to be normal; blend in
Being looked at; pointed at
Whispered about – it’s no secret
I’m compulsive
I want to change
But I can’t.