Enigma

Enigma

As dawn arrived in West London, so did my train. I was back in the city after 8 years. The city where I was born, where I was nurtured had, like me, been through a transformation. Everything I saw seemed new to me. The air which once bore the smell of the country were now proprietors of destruction which learned men termed as smoke from factories, which were believed to help take humanity forward. I knew better but who cared till I had enough for me. I suddenly realized how low I’d fallen how meagre I had become. I had, unknowingly drifted into that section of people who ruled the world, the people who were selfish, jealous and cared only of themselves. They were the people I hated and the irony lies in the fact that I’d become one of them. This is what they call life I guessed, whoever they are and slowly like the city, I would go through a complete transformation. This was probably what the war had brought. Anyway, I had to go on without too much of philosophical reflection and so I did. I took a cab to the hotel with my heart suddenly very sad. The reason I knew but I did not want to go over it again. I looked outside to see the huge buildings as the car clock ticked on.


As we passed the gorgeous roads the immense grief dawned on me once again. Years of solitude and a huge effort to overcome, a will to succeed, had helped me to push her to the back of my mind but not any more. My lifelong resolution, as we were approaching the spot, was falling apart. I felt a gust of cool breeze in my face. Oh it felt so lovingly refreshing, just like those days.
And then we finally, went past her house. The house which was once my church, where I prayed to be in, where I had built up my hopes, dreams and expectations – for all to go up in smoke, to be destroyed and destructed by a frantically dubious monster. And unfortunately the monster was me.


It was first day in school in standard seven for me about 11 years ago. It was a new school, my third. As the opening bell rang I became acquainted with my classmates, with whom, undoubtedly I’d have to spend the next three years of my life. How I know wish that it would’ve continued forever. As I looked round, my eyes met with someone. That moment of magic, I can never forget. For sometime, I could not think of anything earthly. All that I had ever seen or dreamt of loveliness was exquisitely displayed by that matchless living picture made by the hands of the ‘Divine Artist’. That was the first time I got the malady and I was frightfully sick - Lovesick.
She was, as it appeared to me, immortally graceful. I unknowingly paid homage to that ageless propagator of beauty who in a small moment had made my heart and soul all hers to command. She just took my breath away. And with an eloquent stroll and an air of defiance I walked into the unknown.


My classmates were very nice. With some, I struck up an immediate friendship. My life was really nice and but was dominated by an outside force, an enigma. Slowly, cautiously, little by little I struck up a friendship with Kate Churchill, her name not nearly as beautiful as she was. Between classes we exchanged looks which grew by the day, as did my confidence. Day and night I dreamt of her. As the days went I came to know about the huge number of her suitors and they started plotting against me. I realized I was successful to quite an extent as your rivals are enraged only when you win. It did not matter to me. My love was holy, it was sacred, it propagated the feelings of the world for her and I was the medium. The soul of the world told me that I was right; the language told me to go on. That language was of my heart. I did not babble, I did not show off. I was normal. And that’s where I won. I won her. Her eyes showed it and now it was she who chased. The tables had turned. I planned cautiously. I prepared to tell her what I felt on the last day of school. And so I did.


It was the last day of school. I prayed to God, took a deep breath and strolled out of my house.
On reaching school I saw everyone rejoicing in reminiscence of the good old days and how we’d miss each other. For me however, the day could bring a new beginning. Then I saw her coming. I was always so comfortable with her by my side but could never understand how I always had week knees whenever she entered the room and smiled at me. I decided to collect my belongings today - my heart and soul which she had taken away from me some years back. I went straight up and said it. My hands were cold (maybe my feet were too. I did not feel them) and I was dead nervous. Time seemed to have stopped around me till when, a second later, with a smile, she returned the plaudits. Oh my Goodness gracious me! I was on top of the world. What I had dreamt of for the last 3 years, I had finally achieved. I saw a hell lot of jealous faces around me. They did not count anymore. I had outlasted them. That day passed with great joy and I thought nothing could take it away. How wrong I was.


We now went out together on almost every occasion we got. We talked all through the night and when we passed through public, there were some headturning looks. Altogether we were one happy couple. But it is an omnipresent law that joy and grief are two sides of the same coin. And I then realized it when it was probably too late.


About two months after school was over, I went out to the market. As I was on the way, I saw a sight which turned my entire world upside down. I was heartbreaking, literally. My head reeled, as I realized that I had been used by the figure infront of me. The deity, whom I worshipped, had become goddess to someone else. Kate walked hand in hand with another boy, who had replaced me, if ever I was there. And it was bad luck that I saw them. Bad luck for them and bad luck for me. And fortunately or unfortunately, Kate saw me, staring downright in her face. She ran towards me but I was off. I had seen it with my very own eyes. Those hands which had once touched me with such grace and affection were now devoted to someone else. And it was too much for me. She caught up with me and tried to explain things, saying that the boy was her elder brother. I had been tricked once. Not this time. She tried to stop me saying she loved me. I knew better. I had never in life loved someone else and I felt it hurt like hell when I realized that all these years, I had never been loved in  return. All this time I had been used……. I shouted that our relationship was over and told her to forget that she even knew me. How I wished I could do the same. Saying this, I went away from her life forever, intending never to return.


The days passed slowly for me and I was constantly haunted by a feeling of extreme grief. I could not take it. But slowly, I tried to win over my feelings and I was again starting to lead life normally, when the second atom bomb was dropped on me by the same attacker, the girl who had almost killed my soul once, did it this time. One day as I was talking to a market shopkeeper, I saw Kate’s boyfriend. I burnt inside, but nobody knew. Conservatively, I asked the shopkeeper if he knew the guy. “Oh! He is new in town. He lives in 24/3 Westwood Street. You studied with his sister Kate Churchill? Didn’t you?” Once again I collapsed. This time I could not hide it. I was joyous, angry, nervous and a huge amount of other feelings swept past me as I ran towards 24/3 Westwood Street.


As I reached her house, I could hear cries from inside. Cries of agony and distress. I saw the neighborhood lady outside the house and she informed that Kate Churchill was dead. She died in the morning after suffering from cancer. It was diagnosed late I was told. Kate’s mother saw me and calling me inside, handed me a letter, a letter from Kate. I opened it

My dear,
            I had always loved you from our first meeting that day in standard seven and will be    loving you forever and beyond. I thought we were destined to be with each other but fate would have it otherwise due to that horrid misunderstanding. I don’t blame you and now when I’m on the verge of death, I want you to find love once again. I want you to find someone who would love you more than anything else in the world. And if times are right we’ll meet someday again, up there. Thank you for you companionship and love all along.
                                                                                              Yours lovingly,
                                                                                                  Kate


And that was that. How one feels when he comes to know that he and only he himself is responsible for what happened, I got to know that day. It was a tragedy of errors and it was too late to do anything now. So when I got the offer, I went away to Germany, for higher studies. With much perseverance, I managed to forget Kate, though all along, I knew she was with me.


But something happened today morning, something totally unexpected. Whilst I was going down the lane in West London, I saw a girl, walk past me. The same feelings that had swept in me some 11 years ago, occupied me once more. I remembered Kate’s last wishes and at once realized what my destiny was. At once I turned round and started on my trail. My city had brought me love once again.


And with an eloquent stroll and an air of defiance, I, once again walked into the unknown.