John

It wasn't what she said, it was how she said it. It was never about what she said. She always had that hint of sarcasm, always looking for a weak board in your barrier that she could hurt you through. Waiting for you to let her in completely so she could burn you from the inside. I thought maybe she would be different for me. Maybe I could let her in, and she'd just let me in in return. But no, she lit the match and I crumbled into ashes inside. But she doesn't know that. She thinks I'm stronger. Everyone does. Except for John. John knows me, like no one else does. He knows my dreams, my hopes... my fears. And I told him these things, because I trust him like I never trusted anyone, and I don't have the slightest doubt that I never will again. So I keep my friends close, my enemies far away, and John closer than anyone else is allowed. And Taylor knows that. I didn't tell her that one, though. It's simply that obvious. Taylor's just a user. Because yesterday, I went to John's last class so I could walk with him, and he sent me to get his keys from his locker, that he forgot them. So I was a good girlfriend and went to get his keys from locker 125. I retrieved the maroon Roanoke College key-chain necklace, and trudged back to his Calculus class. And Taylor was standing oh, so near to him. And I watched his mouth whisper something that I couldn't hear or even read off his lips. Then he does something that I'd never thought he'd do for anyone but me. When John kissed Taylor, my entire world fell apart. And as I'm standing there in the doorway, I drop the keys to the tiles and he looks at me. They both do, but I can only stare at John. How could he do this to me? I feel tears well in my eyes, and I know he can see it as it I were wailing, because he's just that close to me. And Taylor doesn't have a clue how much I'm hurting. She doesn't know that she hurt me worse than eighty seven bulldozers rolling over me one right after another. One kiss started it all. The keys on the floor, I picked them back up. I started to think about just taking his car, and going home with it, but then I would only give Taylor an excuse to drive him home. So I threw them at him. only a centimeter from hitting his precious face. I wasn't aiming that close, but it was okay. I stormed from the room, running down the halls. I hear him sprint after me. Then I feel his arms wrap around me, pulling me close as if nothing ever happened. I wanted oh, so desperately for him to right. That Taylor didn't matter. That this world was just revolving around the only tie that couldn't break- us. But the truth is, every tie breaks sooner or later, and he was wrong. Taylor and John had kissed, and I couldn't shake the image of it. I let a few whimpers out, but he already knows how I'm feeling. He knows how broken I am inside. He feels me lean against him in defeat, and comes to the front of me. Those blue-green turquoise eyes make me want to run away from his understanding and compassion. To run to Taylor and let her curse me for living. His brown curly hair brushes my face as he leans toward me. "I love you." I resist. I try to look away, but I can't. And he sees my resistance, so he holds my face forward to prevent me. "Elizabeth... She was going to tell Bruno about you." I know he means my adoption. But only John knows that. John and the teachers, but I told them not to allow anyone to know. How did Taylor know about it in the first place? I shove at him, but he hardly moves. "Elizabeth! I had no choice.Don't you get it? If Bruno knows, then the whole school knows. I couldn't let her do that to you." "She probably will anyways, John." I whisper. "Why'd you have to..." I slam my face against him and cry. He holds me close, but all I can think of is Taylor pressed up against him. "Elizabeth, I'm sorry." I want so desperately to run, because he hurt me so much, but I love him too much to away from him when I'm so badly pierced. So I cry harder. He walks me to the door and out into the sunlight I'm not ready to face. How can it be so happy and bright when I'm so cold and dark inside? Everyone else is gone, so only ours and the teachers are there. He walks me to the car, and opens the door for me. I sit, and he kneels next to me. I'm not even sure what I should be feeling. "Elizabeth... I don't know how to make it up to you." I look at him, and he kisses me. I think of Taylor's lips when they were where mine are now, and I push him away. It doesn't physically harm him at all, he hardly moves, but I felt his insides snap. he swallows as he pulls away, and slams the door as he walks around. All I can think of is how he hurt me, and how I hurt him, and how much pain there is between us. He climbs into the Dodge, and he drives me home in silence. When we arrive, he still looks forward and holds his hands tight on the wheel. "John, I'm sorry." I kiss his cheek, but I can tell that he wants more. He looks at me. "Elizabeth..." I grab his hand, entwining our fingers. "Why don't you come in with me?" He shakes his head and unlocks the door, prying his fingers from mine. I reluctantly crawl from the car, and I somehow know that we'll never be the same.

In the morning, after I'm awake and ready to go, John's not here. He usually is. I grab the backpack strap and walk down to the bus stop.