Craving Physical Pain

Do you ever feel like you need somebody to beat the shit out of you?

You feel like crap and you don't want somebody to just shoot you in the head and finish you fast. Instead, you want to die a violent death - with blood splashing and organs being thrown around. You wish that someone would pull your fucking eyeballs out. Then use a knife to cut you in all the areas that would hurt like hell but not kill you right away. Like your fingers! Chop those goddamn fingers off!

Then maybe stick needles in your neck? Again, you're looking for a slow torturous death - not one of them lame ass quickies. You wish you had the courage to do something about your craving but as much as you like the sight of blood and the pain that comes with it, you're a fucking wuss! aaaaand you know it! At least you're not in denial (Mental high five!)

You'd really kill for a disfigured psychopath with a lisp to break into your room now and just really take his time with you. Maybe set up a nice little table with different weapon options... "Which one would you like me to start with?", he'd ask with his deep creepy voice reminding you that lisps aren't always cute.

Oh Gee, Mr. Psychopath, they all look so good - kinda hard to choose from them... but I'll have to go with the flowery paintbrush.

(You choose that mainly because you're curious as to how the hell a paintbrush could be used as a torture weapon...)

Then you sit there and enjoy the pain. Every bit of it.

You inhaled it,
and exhale it.
You feel it,
and embrace it.
You're sweating.
You're shaking.
You're passing out.
You're bleeding.
You're high.
Blood.
Pain.
Relief.

Sleep.