One Hundred Eighty-One Days

One Hundred Eighty-One Days

Steve sat on the balcony holding Maria’s hand. He knew she was miles away deep in thought, she had that glazed look in her eyes. He’d seen it more and more as time got closer.

Her thumb rubbed back and forth along his thumb. It reminded him of the way she rubbed her rosary beads as she prayed. He wished that he could figure out what was troubling her. He’d much rather see that serene look of her deep in prayer than the apprehensive gaze he was looking at now.

He soaked in how the sunlight dappled through the budding trees creating a scene that he hoped he would be able to remember for the next one hundred eighty-one days. “You’re so beautiful.”

“Huh? I’m sorry, Steve, what did you say?”

“I said that you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever dated.”

Maria tried to smile; her thumb kept rubbing along his thumb. Tears welled in her eyes. “I don’t know what I’m going to do while you’re gone.”

“We’ll have it a lot better than in the olden days. There’s email, Skype, and the phone to stay in touch.” He reached over and pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head gently. “It’s going to be alright. We’ll be fine, honey.”

Maria took a deep breath, and shuddered a little. “I wish I could get these dreams out of my head.”

“I wondered if that’s what you were thinking about. Do you want to tell me about them before I leave?”

“No.” She stood up and walked to the edge of the balcony. She crossed her arms on the railing, leaned over and gazed down the precipice. She loved her parent’s coastal home. It was her safe haven during troubled times and a money saver with her attending college just down the road. With Steve leaving tomorrow, these were definitely troubled times in her mind.

The war of light and dark below her in the rocky crags of the mountain haunted her dreams. The violent storm tossed ocean crashed up the base of the cliffs, being soaking wet and running through the dark. Running away, but from what? Then there was the smoke and fire, but where? Images would flash through her dreams. It was like a jigsaw puzzle, bits and pieces of a puzzle that didn’t fit together. She didn’t know what any of it meant, how could she explain it to someone else?

She breathed in a deep calming breath. Shake it off, girl. Mesmerized by the tide gently rolling in hundreds of feet below her, she wondered how this house had managed to hang so securely on the side of the mountain. Selfishly, she wondered if she’d have the strength to be strong for Steve while he was on deployment.

“Hey, I’ve got to get going soon. I have something for you, in my car.”

Maria turned and smiled. Like a switch had been turned off, the thoughts about her dreams were closed away. “I have something for you, too,” she beamed. Steve followed her to the living room, where she picked up a big box and held it up for him.

“What’s this?” He said as he took the package. His eyes sparkled like a toddler at Christmas, as he shook the box by his ear.

“Open it silly,” Maria giggled.

They sat on the sofa. Maria watched every move he made. Wishing he’d hurry up. She was just as excited as he was. She bounced on the edge of her seat while he cut the taped flaps of the package.

He pulled the flap and peeked in.

“It’s your first care package. There’s all of your favorite candy and snack foods, a photo book of pictures I’ve taken from around here, a couple of Ellisson’s books that I know you haven’t read,” she bubbled. “Oh and a letter from me is in there somewhere.”
She absolutely glowed with happiness. Steve leaned over and kissed her gently. “I bet I’m the only guy that gets a care package before I leave.” He kissed her again, “Thank you, I couldn’t have asked for more.”

“You really like it?”

“Yep,” he checked his watch. “I’ve got to get going. Your present is in the car.” He took her hand in his. He could feel the hesitation in her as they got closer and closer to his car. He opened the driver’s door and put gift from her on the passenger seat and grabbed the wrapped package from under the passenger seat.

“Here you go.” He handed her the package and leaned back on the car.

She slit the tape at the seams carefully unwrapping the gift.

He smiled watching her deft movements, her eyes sparkling, all of the cares of the world drifted away for a few moments. He watched the sunlight shimmer in her hair, the excited surprised look as she admired the journal he’d chosen for her. “Open it.”
She looked questioningly, and opened the book to read his message inside the cover.

I’ll only be gone for one hundred eighty-one days. Write to me about your days, the months, the seasons changing. Write to me about the little things that make you smile. Write to me, so I can be here, beside you. When I return, I’ll read and treasure it all, for you are my reason to come home. S

Tears slowly ran down Maria’s cheeks. She sniffed and clutched the journal to her breast and tried to smile. She knew it was going to be hard, watching Steve drive away, but now it was going to be even harder.

“Hey now, I need a smile to remember before I leave.” Steve tenderly held her safe in his arms.

Snuggled up to him, she felt his warmth, heard his heart beating steadily. She felt safe and secure in his arms, knowing that a brief separation shouldn’t be so hard. She snuffled again, and willed herself to calm down. She placed her hand over his heart, and looked up into his eyes. She forced a brief smile. “I’ll write every day, can’t say it will be a wonderful read. You know how I tend to ramble.” She smiled a little more brightly. She could do this. She would be strong.

“I know you’ll be fine. You have your family and friends here, and I’m coming back for you. I promise.” He kissed her one last time and sat down behind the wheel.

Maria backed up to the front stoop. She waved until he was completely out of sight. Clutching the journal, she flew up the steps and straight to her bedroom. She carefully placed the journal on her desk and opened it to the first page.

Day 182

You just left and already I feel like I’ve lost everything. There’s a hole in my heart where you’re supposed to be. Tomorrow morning, your ship will be leaving. I know you’ll be super busy with all of your duties. I hope you’ll be able to email soon. I know it will be a while before you get to go on shore again. I wish for you… calm seas.

Maria woke with a start. Her heart was pounding, sweat beaded at her brow, she was out of breath. Sitting straight up in her bed, her eyes tried to discern where she was. Moonlight was streaming in the window. She threw off the covers, and turned dangling her legs off the side of the bed. She held her throbbing head, and deliberately focused on her breathing trying to remember the pieces of her dream.

Day 181

I was up early this morning, the dreams again. I wish I could get a handle on what all the pieces of this puzzle mean.
Anyway, I had the binoculars out on the balcony scanning the horizon. I saw your ship. The ocean was like glass this morning, smooth sailing today. I watched as it faded from view taking you so far away from me. I felt the loss all over again. I already miss you so much.

Maria honored Steve’s request to write every day. Little things like the dogwoods were in bloom, funny incidents at school and work, her parent’s anniversary. Finally, she felt comfortable enough to start revealing bits and pieces of her dreams.

Day 170

I haven’t had much sleep. Frankly, I’m terrified to go to sleep. I know I’m running down the path toward the ocean in the middle of the night. It’s raining, dark and cold then other flashes come to me. There’s a fire somewhere. I wish I could make some sense of all of this.

She closed the book, and sighed. I wish you were here to help me figure this out.

Day 150

It’s raining its pouring; well you know the rest of that.

It was so wonderful to hear your voice today. It seems like forever since you were here last. I know it’s only been a month since you held me in your arms, five more to go. It seems like forever.

Even though you’re half a world away it sounded like you were right here. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought you were at Pete’s Diner. Do you remember when we went there? Pete and Tony still ask about you every time I go in.

I’m glad you didn’t ask about the nightmares. They’re still just flashes; I guess I’m on fire for you to come back. Boy, that reads as lame as it sounds out loud.

Well, it’s late and I have to get up early, so off to bed with me.

Steve, thank you so much for calling today. You’ll never know how much it really meant to me. Alright, for real this time, I’m going to bed.

She closed the book placing it on her bedside table, flipped off the lights and soon fell into a tumultuous slumber.

Run, run faster, you can’t let it catch you. It’s getting closer. I can hear it breathing hard trying to catch me. Run, run faster. My feet, I can’t run anymore. The rocks have torn my feet to shreds, blood pours from the cuts. It’s getting closer, can’t stop, have to run! It’s reaching for me. I feel the burn of its fingers wrapping around me.

Maria jerked up, screaming, completely out of breath just as it was about to capture her. She buried her head in her hands, rocked herself and cried in anguish.

She grabbed her robe and walked out onto the balcony. Looking toward the heavens she screamed, “Why? What does it all mean?” She collapsed against the railing, sobbing uncontrollably, until the morning’s sunlight brightened the sky. “Calm seas,” she sighed as she got up to prepare for her day.

I can’t believe I’m late again. She strolled down the empty corridor. She reached for the door knob, knowing that it would screech her tardy arrival to the lecture hall when she pulled the door open. That’s it; I’m going to buy some WD40. I’ve had it with everyone knowing that I’m late for class again.

Dr. Howard didn’t even look up, “Nice of you to join us today, Maria. How would you describe the process of photosynthesis to your young charges?”

Maria dropped her book on her desk and proceeded to explain the process of how the plant makes its food. A six year old would be captivated by her story of the factory making its food inside the leave.

Dr. Howard nodded, “Very nicely done, I’m sure even the simplest minded youngster would understand the overall concept from that fantastical tale you wove for us. Now please explain the science behind your story.”

Maria sighed and proceeded to wow the professor with her understanding of the concepts that she’d missed in his lectures. Once done, she quickly sat down as Dr. Howard continued his torture on another victim in the class. She knew from past experience he’d leave her alone for the rest of the class.

Day 140

Steve, when you come home would you please beat the tar out of one of my professors. Just kidding, he’s a stickler and I made the mistake of signing up for an early class. I just can’t seem to get my act together in the mornings anymore. Maybe I should have taken the summer sessions off, but with you being gone. Oh well, what’s done is done. I’ve already paid my tuition, so I’ll stick it out and get an A just to show that old buzzard.

She sat up, totally out of breath. Eyes, I saw eyes. She walked over to her desk and pulled out her sketch pad. Transfixed, she let her hands take control. She quickly outlined the shape of a head then started on the eyes. Eyes that burned with red hot flames, eyes that penetrated to her very soul, the eyes of whatever it was that tormented her sleep. She tore the page out, folded it neatly and put it in her journal.

Day 100

I wonder where you are.

I stare at the ocean and wonder if you’re still on this body of water that separated us or if you’ve moved even farther away.

I hate the Navy, by the way, keeping me from you, keeping you from me. I hate that you’re so busy and have so little internet time. I hate that it will be another three weeks before you can call me.

I long to hear your voice, to feel your arms around me, to hear your heart beating in time with mine, I miss you so much.

I hate feeling so lonely. I hate feeling so scared. I hate me whining even more.

I wonder, am I still worthy of you?

Eighty-one days left.

She closed her journal and watched the mystical sun disappearing below the horizon knowing that it would soon be shining on Steve, somewhere.

Day 90

Yeah! We’ve made it past the half way point! I can’t wait for you to come home!

Smoky haze roiled over the floor, sliding under Maria’s bedroom door. There must be a fire in the house somewhere. Why aren’t the smoke detectors going off? Feel the door first, girl. It’s not hot, that means it’s safe to open. The haze thickened as she cautiously went down the stairs. She couldn’t see any flames, but better safe than sorry. She went out the front door and walked around the house. Fog surrounded the home precariously perched upon the precipice. I must have left the sliding glass doors open. Turning to go back inside, she saw the eyes, the eyes of her nightmares. She saw hands reaching towards her from the darkness, grabbing for her.

Maria bolted up in bed, shaken by the vividness of her dream. Once again she sketched until the images faded.

Day 75

You called! We Skyped. My heart is all aflutter. In seventy-five days you’ll be home. I won’t be jealous of the Navy, and I’ll get to look into your lovely blue eyes. Oh my, do you call a guy’s eyes lovely? Oh I don’t know, I just know how much I miss looking into them.

I’m so glad to know you’re getting your care packages. Barney, the postmaster, always asks about what exotic location you’re at now. I’ve told him a couple. I think I actually saw him drool.

The dreams seem to have lessened. My friend Samantha insisted that I go to Student Health and get something to help me sleep. So far it seems to be working. I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

Maria screamed, startled by the realization that the pills quit working and the dreams were back. She rolled over and beat her pillow in frustration.

Day 60

Two months left! I can hardly wait. I sent another care package today. Barney said to tell you thanks for your service.
The wind is really drying things out. There have been a few lightning fires, but the fire department has been able to stay ahead of them. Just a normal summer, I guess.

The best thing about today, I got my grades. I aced both summer sessions. That means no more courses with the professor that I wanted you to beat to a pulp. So there’s one less thing for you to do when you come home. And I have fewer courses to take this winter, so I can spend more time with you. I really can’t wait until you get home.

Run, run faster girl, you can’t let it catch you. It’s getting closer. I can hear it breathing hard trying to catch me. Run, run faster, down to the beach, have to get away. My feet, I can’t run anymore. The rocks have torn my feet to shreds, blood pours from the cuts. Hide, you’ve got to hide, but where? In the crags, stop and catch your breath, hide in the crags and rest, then you’ll be able to run. It’s getting closer. It’s going to catch me, can’t stop, have to run! I see the eyes, flaming eyes. It’s reaching for me. I feel its fingers burn my skin as they wrap around me pulling me back.

Maria grabbed her sketch pad; she drew furiously the images that tormented her dreams. The eyes that terrified her, the hands wrapped around her wrists burning her skin, the details began to flow from her subconscious dream state onto the page. Just as abruptly as her dream ended, so did her ability to capture the horror she felt as she drew. She tore the page out, folded it and put it in the journal with the others.

Day 30

Did you realize, you’ll be arriving home on your birthday? I know, if everything goes as planned. I think I’ll go ahead and plan a party anyway. I need something fun and festive to break the monotony of these lonely days without you.

Storms threatened for days, the ocean churned below the house. Maria stood on the balcony, bundled up searching the horizon for any sign of a ship. She knew Steve was close. He’d be arriving in the morning and be off duty for two weeks. She was hoping to catch a glimpse of his ship before she went to bed, it wasn’t meant to be. Lightning flashed across the sky, sending Maria inside for the evening.

Day 1

Tomorrow! Tomorrow I’ll feel your arms around me. Tomorrow you’ll finally be home. Tomorrow all will be right with the world. I can’t wait. I’ve already picked up my pass so I can drive on base to welcome you home appropriately. I won’t have to worry about dreaming tonight, I know I won’t get a minutes sleep. I’m just way too excited.

She continued to write for a few more minutes before she peacefully dozed off.

Winds whipped around the house, lightning flashed, thunder rolled and Maria slept through it all. She didn’t see the flash of lightning that struck her parent’s home starting a blaze facing the ocean. She didn’t hear the resounding roar of thunder that shook the house. Dreamlessly she slept as the lightning continued to spark fires surrounding her. She didn’t smell the smoke of the parched vegetation around the house as it burned merrily in the gusty winds. She didn’t hear the smoke detectors blaring in the din. Smoke inundated the house, as the flames sought their purchase.

++++++++++++

At sea standing watch, Steve watched the fire. He’d seen the lightning hit, multiple times all in one seemingly small area. He called to the bridge to see if they’d seen the strange phenomenon. He watched the flame grow and spread, knowing that the bridge crew would notify the authorities. There were a million things to do before they docked in the morning. Steve turned his attention back to his duties.

Excitement grew exponentially on the Claymore. Men and women in their dress uniforms scurried around making sure everything was in tip top order for their return. Sailors took their places along the deck. Officers on duty consulted with the harbor master. Everything was ready, the ship made its final approach. Steve searched the dock for Maria. He didn’t see her anywhere, but there were so many people here welcoming them home. He knew she had to be somewhere in the crowd.

His shipmates all found their loved ones jumping, waving and hollering on the dock. He still hadn’t found Maria. He grabbed his bags, and headed down the gangplank. Cars were still pouring into the parking lot, maybe she was running late.

He waited on the dock. Met every one of his friends’ families, and still no Maria. He bummed a ride to his car, put his cell phone on his charger and called her number; it went straight to voice mail. He shook his head, that’s not like Maria at all. He cranked up the car and headed up to the beach house.


Fire trucks blocked the road. Steven pulled over and parked. He walked past the trucks. Fire men were stowing their gear. “Hey, what happened?”

“Looks like lightning hit the house. Do you know who lives here?”

“It belongs to my girlfriend’s parents, but she lives here alone most of the time. I saw lightning hitting up on the cliffs last night; it was like the lightning was hitting the same place over and over.”

Steve caught a glimpse of a gurney being pulled from the house, the black bag zipped shut. He lurched toward the coroner.

The fire fighter grabbed Steve by the shoulders, “Man, I’m sorry, but from the looks of things, she was asleep and the smoke got her. She didn’t even know what was happening. The fire was so hot; she’d never made it out.” He walked with Steve over to the body bag. He nodded and the coroner opened the bag.

Steve nodded, identifying Maria. “She was supposed to meet me at the dock.”

“I’m so sorry for your loss, son. When did you get in?”

“This morning.”

“She was clutching this,” the coroner handed Steve the journal.

He took it. “Thanks, I gave it to her before I left,” and walked back to his car.

He sat and opened the book. The sketches of her dream demons fell onto his lap. He read, and studied the images. He thought about how the lightning had struck over and over, the flaming eyes and hands of her sketches. If only, she hadn’t gone to sleep, maybe…

He flipped to the final page, her last message to him ‘I love you. I can’t wait to tell you. Tomorrow.’



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