In the trap.

Everywhere there is a sense of reality
But only touching certain ones
It will say to me - go, you must
bare the burden of these thoughts
and the burden of your life.
The karma that doesn't come
around for you will come to them.
The shadow of their bright side
will be cast upon you
and blackout your light.
I replied "What for me then"
No such thing, it then said
You will not be rewarded
You will not be repaid
You wont feel better
and the pain will remain.
The improvements to be made
shall be like flashlights in the day.
"But why me, of the billions
Why, of the thousands?
The hundreds, the tens?
For there is nothing more
when there is more nothing."
Once again, it replies:
You cannot change what has been
and you cannot change what is
The future is not coming up, it is
as it is now. There is little to imagine
and think, so do not imagine or think.
Breath deeply like, in and out like zen
and then, perhaps you will be able to
accept the unacceptable. For your
thoughts can be changed and morphed
and your stomach will float back up.
I said to it "No, I will no longer be trapped in poetry. I will no longer have my thoughts clouded and constrained by meter and rhyming patterns. I want to know why I enlarge my faults and belittle my successes. Why my luck has run out years ago?"
Because there is no such thing as luck, there are only patterns. You envy those above you but you ignore those below you.
You complain now but yesterday you rejoiced, and tomorrow you will rejoice again, and the next day you will be like you are today. So then why are you even bothering? "I'm bothering because I am bothered. I'm impatient because I've lost my patience. And I'm sitting here talking to myself, so join me in this psycho-logue. Ill even fix the meter.
I've never climbed a mountain
Ive never won a prize
Ive barely had the motivation
or the will to try.
I've found comfort in failure
it seems so set in stone
For even my successes
seem so overblown.
Perhaps its in my head
and maybe these thoughts will fizz.
But if luck is not for real
I'll be damned if something is.