Dear Me:

Dear Me:

         

In the fourth quarter of 2013 you have quit several things to include smoking and diet drinks (aspartame) so it is apparent that you do have the will power to follow through with achieving what you want. You are nearing the 6 month mark without a cigarette (you better be proud of yourself) and you can jog again without gasping for air. Something you haven’t done since your high school years!
          In the not-so-distant past you rushed to self-publish a book that really needed some revisions. You thought of it as a way to silence those people who had a lot to say about your lack of determination to do anything … you wasted time where it shouldn’t had been wasted, and you often look back on the old you who once could write with such passion that the emotions bled out of your works. People do change. You are still that passionate writer, but why look back when you need to look in front of you?

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Yes. I miss that old part of myself that I thought had died … I miss that side of myself whom could catch a dream inside of a jar and write about it night after night without taking many breaks in between. It was a beautiful feeling—accomplished, and without worry—practically impractical, yet obtainable.
         My goal is to not only remain successful in my healthy living, but to finish one of the 5 novels-in-progress that are collecting dust in a computer folder entitled ‘manuscripts’ I want to know that I can finish a novel without rushing it and leaving room for error … Besides, I once was published in a paranormal magazine for being the technical, skilled writer who took her time in writing the piece.

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You can’t trouble yourself with what anyone may be thinking; as you have discovered in the past, it never really did matter. The spirit of who you are is an artist, you live, eat, and think art between those chores and other mundane acts of reality. When everyone else is talking about what they did that day, you sit there quietly and wonder about what world you can create that day and there’s nothing wrong with you for it …
         You need to focus on you, and get back to loving you as you have been. 5 weeks and going strong! You have shed that worried skin like the weight of death and sank it into the sea from whence it came and good for you. You are capable of great things, and you don’t need a banner to prove yourself. You need the same vision and hard work you applied to yourself when you chose to walk away from all the negative things in your life.
         Your goal is to write more, write fresh, write long and make room for errors, you aren’t perfect (they don’t expect you to be either) and wipe from your aura the rest of that negativity that’s trying to stick around. ‘T is beseeming, after all. Write the rest of those novels. I know you can do it. Every day that you begin to question yourself, just go to your finished works as a reminder of who you are. Write the poetry that you really feel and you really see. There is music within your words when you aren’t holding back.

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         I try not to set unrealistic goals for myself, as I have never been one to make resolutions. What attracts me to this challenge however is the thought of returning to this written work later to see if I stayed on the forward-going track I began constructing. I’ve had so much change in my personal life these last few months that I am positive that with the right amount of work, I can achieve the goals I have laid out for myself here.
         There was a time that I thought change was scary so I would avoid it like the plague. That’s what we do, isn’t it? We fear those things we don’t quite understand and assume it as bad rather than good but what’s so bad about a little sacrifice for a bigger and better outcome? When I dropped the cigarettes I sacrificed a comfortable weight and gained about 10 pounds (give or take) but I can smell again, and taste my food, and I can breathe! Losing that habit also means that I will see my youngest daughter’s (who is currently 4 years old) children graduate high school without an air mask on my face with a curse of emphysema!
         In order to reach our dreams and our goals we have to stop procrastinating because of fear, we have to accept change, and we have to want it bad enough to see past any blocks. Of course it is never easy but I can honestly tell you that any goal you set your mind to and succeed at is the most rewarding, and refreshing experience. Not only have you reached the goal, but you have built your self-esteem, and self-confidence up to that level where you know that with some work, you can do anything. Outside of seeing your son or daughter for the first time, there is nothing that I can think of that could feel any better than personal success.

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         You will not hold back. You will not look away from what you want and kill it with any shroud of negativity. You will not let anyone deter you with their negative ugliness. You shall not give in because of painful thoughts. You cannot let yourself down because you know that nobody else can let you down but you, yourself.
         You got this Hallam … Now, go get it.

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