The Touch

Touching

Throw away the recliners. Create a comfortable space large enough for two people to lie side by side, snuggle, watch TV, listen to the stereo, or enjoy a fire. The activity is unimportant - touch is what matters.

I have often wondered that if I had made a sustained effort to be closer to someone who was once in my life, would we still be touching today? It’s difficult to withdraw when you’re close; it softens the heart.

Thinking back on my own experiences I remember that when I was arguing with a significant other the last thing I wanted to do was touch. It was frequently avoided even after the disagreement concluded. Not only would the conversations be strained, and non-responsive, we would do anything to keep from making physical contact.

Somehow, touching either by accident, or on purpose, seemed to be the catalyst that ended the confrontation. It may have been something like the inadvertent caress of two hands as they both fumbled for packets of sweet and low. Touch always brought discourse to a conclusion and helped resolve the conflict.

Hugs are my favorite form of touch and the construction of a hug reveals much about someone. Mind you, it doesn’t tell everything, but it does reveal a lot. It is an indicator of how far you can enter their personal space, and how open they are.

A few examples unexpectedly dance across my mind’s eye. I’ll share a few. These may relate to experiences you’ve had as well.

Maiden Aunt Hug – Remember your spinster aunt? She was at all of the family gatherings and had to hug all the children. She placed her hands on your shoulders and pulled you close to the smell of musty lilacs, misapplied blush, and smudged lipstick. Then she gave you a big wet kiss to the side of your head soaking your ear and cheekbone. I dreaded seeing my Aunt Gilda, and hid whenever I saw her coming.

The Pritzy Hug – I must say that this one drives me crazy. Visualize, a woman (woman are usually the ones that give this hug) about 5’ 6” tall slender, heels with tight skirt. She tries to hurry, in short steps. You hear the clickty-clack of her heels pounding the floor as she approaches. Upon arrival she bends at the waist, leans over, knees held tightly together, with ankles touching. She extends her arms and lightly embraces her target while, in a garish kissing fashion, smacking her lips on both sides of their face; afterwards expressing how nice it is to see them again. Full body contact is avoided as the bottom half of her body is minimally 10-inches away. On approach I wane from accessible view.

The Real Hug – My favorite. You might call this the two armed, full-bodied, getting lost in paradise, four arm contact hug. It is the mother of all hugs, and as the name implies, lets you know that your get up and go has not got up and left yet. This is my favorite. It begins with the famine participant engulfing you with her arms tenderly laced around your neck. Both bodies are touching from her knees to the top of her head as she gently nuzzles her head in the soft corner of your neck. Her torso is in your arms while your head is cocked sideways to provide ample nuzzling room. Optionally, a few slow circles are made while she kisses the side of your neck, then pulls away and moves her head to the other side and nibbles a little more. All this ends with a long wet full mouth kiss. The two of you to melt like a Snickers’ on a hot afternoon. I love to melt.

As a true romantic I have learned to love touching. Touching of any kind that does not inflect pain is fine with me as long as it is with the opposite sex. I find that if I am touching someone I cannot be mad. If I am angry, it subsides quickly.

I have seen those in great distress that are soothed, or somehow healed, when held. They relax and feel comfort.

I knew an empath once; she had the ability to heal physically and emotionally with her touch. She drained pain from my body and understand my emotional state from touching my shoulders or holding my hands. Her touch was indeed unique and I miss dearly.

When not involved, the lack of touch creates the greatest void.