Wolves howl

The wind was bitter cold; charging itself right through a body, as if there was no skin. Trees that may have comforted had turned into dark forms, leaving shadows to defend against the Winter night. No one could really escape the Winter, no matter if it was in the season of the year, or of one’s life.
With small tote bag in hand, Tara opened the wooden door, seeking relief from the bitter wind and snow, even though it had only been a few feet between car and door, she was frozen to the bone. There was neither heat nor light-nothing but wood and darkness came to greet her. The silence of the last several years was her only welcome; standing still to await the presence of another. Quickly, Tara closed the door to keep out the winter, and quickly searched for her flashlight from the tote bag.
Yellow light poured out at the push of a button and she sighed with relief-there was no comfort in the darkness. If memory served, there would be candles hidden in drawers to bring both warmth and light; and the shelter at the side of the cottage should have more than enough wood to warm the cottage. Sure enough, wood logs were piled just at the side, in the snow. Some of them were stuck together with the snow and ice, but with some dried twigs and paper, she got the fire started. Keeping her hands at the front, Tara stayed close to the flames, feeling her both ease with the warmth and casting away the damp chill.
Once warmed, she looked around the room ; it wasn’t the biggest place to live in, but, once cleaned, it would be cozy-and safe.
Or was it? That was the real question. Being alone, with both thought and memories, much of anything could happen.
A family home, the cottage had seen many of her childhood days: helping her father and brother carry wood; gutting and cleaning the animals with her mom for dinner; stories around the dinner table, reading books by the fire. Those days and more filled her mind like a flood, until she shook them out of her mind and put them aside. There would be time for those later. Now she needed rest and, afterwards, a plan. With those settled, she would be able to remember. ..
But not right now
~
The storm came and swindled to nothing by the morning. Slipping on a pair of hiking boots, Tara went to the wood pile and chipped away at the ice to bring more logs for the fire. The sound of the breaking ice filled the air, jumping among the trees and filling the silent wind. Pieces of wood began breaking away from the pile and soon, Tara had enough to keep the fire going; what would be her constant companion.
The day was spent in quiet and the evening came brazenly; the cottage was cleaned and Tara brought more wood in before settling in by the fire.
She knew he would come-he always did find her despite any odds. He would never listen to reason, nor would he even be ashamed of his actions towards her.
He was coming,. Tara could feel it in her veins, smelled it on the air, and even now could hear his voice working away through the stillness.
It was irresistible.
There was nothing to be done but to take it all in stride. She wasn’t sure why she ran in the first place; only that she sought solace for her heart.
Outside, the evening was clear, with a full moon glistening in the night sky. Its light lit up the path directly to the cottage, with a crisp breeze that would guide along the woods. The wolves would surely be out tonight and, with that thought Tara wondered about the young pup she had named as a child-would he be nearby?
She shook her head to toss the thought away. Really, she should bar the door…
Rising, she went to her boiling soup, stirred it once and poured herself a bowl.
How far away was he now? Was he still in some distant town; or had he been on the road and only stopped for a coffee as he usually does? Or could he be closer than that, walking down the snowy path?
Again, Tara jostled the thoughts from her mind, reprimanding herself for even entertaining the thoughts. Her feelings had been wrong before-why couldn’t they be again? For all she knew, he could be miles away, mind not even touching on her.
However, the thought slipped from her mind as the front door opening, allowing the wind to make itself at home. But it wasn’t the wind that caught her attention, rather, it was the one who allowed it in.
He stood in the doorway, dark eyes resting on her, his gloved hand wrapped around the door handle as if to hold it in place. His breathing was hard and his boots were crusted in snow, as if they had walked miles and, maybe, he had. In that moment, the only thing Tara knew was that his sudden appearance shook her more than she thought it would. Despite her wondering and surety, now that he was here, she found that she still hadn’t been ready to accept that she was right about his coming.
Neither of them spoke, but what words could ease them both?
After a few heartbeats, he finally moved, closed the front door and, spotting a chair, took a hold of it and moved it to sit before the fire. Still unsure of what to say, Tara also sat and willed the soup to warm more than her skin. The fire danced unaffected, snapping cheerfully, filling the tense silence.
“The wolves are out tonight” Brian finally said, “I heard their howl not far from the house.”
She had thought that, although Tara wouldn’t share her thought now. He had never been one to start a deep conversation, or to open up his own thoughts too quickly. Instead, he would rather build up from small conversation-and that was even when he would talk.
Another moment of silence passed and, Tara was sure they could go on like this all night. Brian was of noble blood, unaccustomed to dealing with tight, personal problems-he rather another deal with his situations. But things had changed over the years-Tara would grant him that-and slowly he was coming to terms with reality.
Finally she couldn’t handle the silence any longer, for fear that she would burst: “why are you here? You couldn’t have travelled all this way for silence. I won’t bother asking how you found me to begin with!”
His eyes stayed on the fire, as his jaw flexed in habit whenever he was upset or agitated; or when his thoughts were interrupted in general.
“You ran from me” he stated, “I didn’t like that.”
“You didn’t like that” Tara repeated in disbelief, “I’m not your servant, seeking to please you. Nor am I fixated to you. I am a human being and I can come and go as I please! If we are sharing our likes and dislikes than let me tell you-“
“-Enough!” he said sharply, raising his hand to stop her mid-sentence. :That is not what I mean. “ He paused, closed his eyes and inhaled slowly,
“What I mean is that you didn’t give me time to explain.”
“What’s to explain?” Tara asked angrily.
“Please! Let me speak! This is hard enough as it is.”
Biting back words, Tara waited while his eyes gazed at the fire, as if all his answers sat there.
“It was a mistake” he finally began after a moment passed in the tense silence, “she is a friend of the gamily-a distant one from our old neighborhood in Ireland-we grew up together. She brought fond memories with her, which instantly drew me to spend more time with her than I should have…but seeing her made me realize how much I really do miss my old home…
‘ One night we were taking a walk through the park and she took my hand and, before my mind could register, she kissed me. Of course David saw us and, sure in a way I let her-and I have no excuse for it, nor the way we flirted and kissed later-“ he stopped, and slowly exhaled again as if realizing the mess he was in. “the last few nights I’ve thought about things…
‘I’m sorry. I was wrong and you have every reason to be angry. I came tonight to ask for your forgiveness.”
He stopped then, almost sounding as if he wanted to say more, but was hesitant with his words. Silence filled between them and Brian’s words lingered in the air. His stark admittance surprised Tara, more than she cared to admit-it wasn’t like him to be so blunt. Seeing him again, hearing his voice; his confession made her heart ache more than it ever had before.
“What about her?” Tara finally asked, almost dreading the answer.
“Kathy went home tonight. I told her I made a mistake”
“You did?” Tara asked weakly.
“Yes” he answered, almost as softly. Abruptly he stood and put the chair back in its place.
“There’s a coffee shop at the corner of town. Meet me there in the morning. Say, eight.
‘Bar the door tonight. The wolves are out.” Before Tara could respond, he was gone, leaving Tara to her thoughts once more.

~
Drawn more by curiosity then anything else, Tara went the next morning to meet Brian. When she arrived, emotions torn between rejection and love, he was already there, sitting by the door so she would spot him first. His expression was calm, with the grey light of day putting a spark in his eyes as he looked up at her approach. However, he was silent as she took the seat across from him and, just as before, she waited for him to speak first.
“Did you hear the wolves last night? They were moving; hunting. Looking for better ground to make their den. “
Again with the wolves. He always did have a fascination with them; their constant moving from place to place, yet caring for each other a s a family; protecting their cubs. As a wildlife researcher, he was able to do that now: follow the animals, observe and care for them.
“One fell behind” he rambled on, yet Tara hung on to his every word, “It looks like he was attacked, and somehow strayed from the pack, so he is caring for his wounds before moving on. But he has a decision to make: whether to find his old pack and try to join them again, or find a mate of his own and start a new pack. You know, they mate for life.”
“Brian, where are you going with this? Surely you did not ask me to come to discuss wolves!”
“You left me, thinking that I was loving another. But I wasn’t. I wasn’t trying to be unfaithful and I’m sorry you came to that conclusion.”
“But I saw-“
“Wait” Brian said, reminding Tara of the way their conversation had gone last night, ”I know what you saw. I know what you’ve heard. Unfortunately, Kathy made the wrong assumptions about my emotions for her. I have wrestled with myself for what happened. But I am sorry. I entertained thoughts I shouldn’t have and I’m sorry I gave her any leeway. Nothing happened between her and I besides what I said last night.
It upset me that you ran off without letting me explain, but I also understand why you did that. I am sorry.”
He waited a heat-beat as Tara’s mind once again reeled at his confession.
“Will you forgive me?”
“I do” Tara said, her voice cracking as emotion swelled within her.
“Tara” he said, his voice soft. “once we had an engagement. I hope we can pick that up again. The recent loss of your dad has been harsh and I will not rush us into anything. My offer and my pledge still stand true to you, if you would accept it. But I cannot wait much longer. I will come to you tonight so you will have the day to think over my words. But I must have your answer by tonight, because, come tomorrow, I need to leave.”
He stood, ready to leave her then and there, but this time, she decided to stop him:
“Brian, you cannot possibly leave me with my thoughts. You haven’t even let me speak!”
He sat down again at the force of her words, almost looking quizzically. Tara inhaled slowly, trying to sort out her words.
“We have known each other almost out entire lives. I have cared and loved you just as you have for me. When I saw you with Kathy and, afterwards, heard rumors, well of course I let my emotion get the better of me.
‘When my dad passed away, I had reach my breaking point. I had too much happening and so many emotion at once, I had to leave. I came here not because I was leaving you, but because I needed space to collect myself. I knew you would follow me if you cared for me as I thought and so you have.
I have already thought about many things and sorted through some emotions but I am still heart-broken, not because of you but because of my dad. But you have confirmed my suspicions-that you love me and that your heart does not belong to another woman.
I don’t need more time to think Brian, I know you are a better man and that you love me. Your steadfast actions have shown me this. I still love you; but I have a family that needs time to adjust as well as a wounded heart. I accept your proposal, if you will wait just a little longer for me to heal.”
When her words ended, Brian placed his hand palm up on the table between them, eyes meeting hers intently. Gingerly, she placed her hand in his and he held it, smiling.
Proposal accepted.