Broken Letter

I could feel him coming closer. All I tried to protect. what I wanted to keep secret so he couldn't reach it. I knew he would start to rip it apart if I gave it to him. But some how he seemed to get to it anyway. So I smiled while he tore my love apart. Patiently I kept making paper flowers for him. He would pick the petals off one by one, spread them into the wind. He would burn them, cut them, drop them in a stream and watch them float away. And I would keep making new ones. I could sit alone in a ocean of flowers, sure that he couldn't possibly destroy them all at once. He would fall down on us, me and my flowers, he would come from below, open up the ground and swallow us whole. I would wake up in a desert or a cave and winter would take me.
January passed by and buried me in deep snow. The loneliness grew fonder of me and started to follow me around wherever I went. In the passed days I could take five minutes and daydream about having him by my side- Now they had taken it all from and I walked this empty shell around the little mountain town where they had placed me. I would sit on a bench and stare, I would sit on a chair, a bus seat, a couch. Stare. Stare and wait. How did this nothingness spread so fast. I remember imagining you smile just last week. Now everything was gone and even I had become a thing of the past.
Ive been alone for a long time, waiting for him. I've been finding replacements, but all it did was make the emptiness grow stronger, taking over more of me. He was the only one that could come close. The decisions we make in life, leads us to strange places. Sometimes I cant help but feeling, no matter what decisions I make, I still would end up right here. Its like there is this strange dark force pulling me a certain direction. I have given in a long time ago. I float with the stream eyes closed head first. Let the rocks hit me if that is how its supposed to be. Let the wild currents throw me around and let the cold water swallow me. All that is left for me now are the clouds drifting by on a blue sky. When I close my eyes I can still hear echoes from the other world.
Do simple things for me, that makes me belive in magic again. Say simple things to me, that will make me feel unconditional love like a child again. Make me take out all the things I thought I lost. Let me bring my colors and paint your walls.
But we live in different worlds, you and I. We come from different spaces. Although same deep darkness cradled us as we were young, same bubble of isolation imprisoned us, we were dressed in different clothes. You were handed other things and I sat quietly on the sidelines. I suppose that to you, I could easily turn in to another puppet that you would throw in the fire if you got too attached to it. Because that's how your mind works.  I have a playful mind, it tricks not only others, but also me. Because a world without colors isn't worth the effort of lifting the eyelids.
These are things I can not say to you, these are things we will never speak of. This charade will keep going until you grow tired of me and find someone else to test. I will be the one that didn't leave, but you will never know. In your world you will still be alone, you will still be in control and you will still have the ultimate power of driving everyone away from you.
You can get lost all you want, an I will do the same. No matter who you think you have become, or where you will or will not be going, you will still have that time within you when you accidently let me get close to your heart.
One day I will stand there again, on the same beach where I let you drown me in my own emotions. This time I will be prepared to meet your cold heart. I will dive in to the ocean with you. I wont be afraid when I loose sight of you like I did so many times before.
In my line of sight there are big gaps like the gaps between comic panels. That's how I couldn't see how we dont fit together. Thats why it never will matter if we fit or not, I will keep loving you. But we live in such different worlds, you and I. There is nothing you could say or do now, to reach me.