No Hope for the Hopeless

          We were sitting in Alec's garage, like any other day, with a large amount of drugs in front of us. Alec was ranting on about how these were the best years of our lives and how we'd never feel this free or alive again. I remember mumbling something along the lines of "fuck if these are the best years or our lives i better off myself now". they chuckled as they always would, thinking my morbid comments were always jokes. the sad fact of the matter was that i never was joking. The ounce of heroin on my back pack wasn't for the money of junkies who'd come to me in the bathrooms at school for a cheap fix, nor for was it really for my own pleasure. truth be told i spent most of my youth trying to off my self with drugs, to no success of course. "Alec shut the fuck up and pass the blunt" i finally said with a bit more conviction. He passed it to me and i took a long drag until my lungs couldn't hold any more and let it out. i reached into my back pack in front of me and rifled threw it trying to decide what i wanted. It truly is sad looking back on it now all those drugs in a 12th graders back pack, where did we get this kind of shit. Three sheets of high grade acid an ounce of dope, enough coke to keep the whole group awake and wired for a month, and a nice tasty platter of pills. i really don't remember who first suggested the trip but we locked onto the idea quick to the idea.



          "where would we even go?" josh asked. "Fuck who cares!" Alec exclaimed. Matt who had been quietly tripping his ass off in the corner broke his hours of silence and spoke. "Lets just head west. Drive til we get to Cali and only stay in one place for a day or two." as we talked Matt's idea became very plausible. We all had enough money saved up to get out of the state for at least a few months and hell we could easily get the drugs we need at home here and stock up on the road as we meet people. "Fuck it lets leave next friday" i shouted not realizing how quick the acid had kicked in.

         For the next for hours we sat in the garage we had grown accustom to over the last few years, blasting music while enjoying the euphoric sense the drugs brought on. As much as I hate to admit it, hell i hate the idea of it even more now as an adult, but Alec was correct these were the best times of lives. i will never feel the sense of being so close to death yet feel so alive at the same time. To this day i can never figure out why. Was it the drugs? The friends we got so close with? Or was it just the memories we created with out a care in the world. We were invincible, four teenagers at the peak of their health and more money than common sense. but we did not care one bit.



         I must have gone farther than i had in a while because when i came to it it was two thirty in the morning and i had taken the acid at five the previous evening. Looking around i was still in a haze. Focusing on one thing was damn impossible, everything was blurry the room was shaking and i felt the need to vomit from the cotton mouth i had developed (most likely from breathing through my mouth while higher than ozzy in the 80's) I reached for the first water bottle i saw and drained the whole thing with out thinking. *first mistake of the day* I went into a coughing frenzy and realized not water, Vodka. i heard roaring laughter and lookked up to see matt and josh pissing themselves with laughter. "fuck off" i slurred already unintentionally drunk which sound more like "fush oof" i stumbled over to my back pack and grab a cigarette and lit it barely able to grasp my lighter. i laid on the floor for god know how long trying to stoop the room from spinning but the come down miced with the booze now hit me full force and that was it my stomach released all over the floor. "fuck man" alec shouted as i dragged my self out side. I kept mutter im sorry I'll clean it up.