Darkness In Mind

Caverns. Hellish caverns. There is virtually no escape. A hell worse than even death itself. Unspeakably horrid, like a beast hungering for a meal, insatiable and unrelenting. Monsters run rampant, demons are unleashed. True Hell is experienced only through true pain.

A scar that which cannot be healed by time, unmendable by any means. Irreparable damage on the mind and on the psyche themselves. It's the worst nightmare anyone could experience. Every negative thought haunts your mind, growing stronger with each passing day, and sooner or later, you eventually snap and give in to their overwhelming power. It drives a person mad, knowing that there is nothing you can do about it. All you wish for is death, and yet fate does not grant it to you. All you wish is to join the fallen, but again, you are denied.

I scour the world, seeking the answers to my problems, and to soothe my animosity. I hunger for the truth, and yet I am told lies. What madness could bring me this treatment when all I want is to know? Why does life treat me so harshly? Why does it pain me to reveal all my scars? And why can I not heal them?

The fault of the father, and the fault of the mother for not stopping him. A raging alcoholic was he, and only a boy was I. A very innocent age of 6 was the boy, and 35 was the man when the bottle took the father's life. And so the boy's heart grew dark. He became distant over time, shutting himself out from the world. Yet there was anger, knowing that those who knew his father could have stopped him. Anger and hate arose within the boy, yet he kept quiet. Now a young man, strikingly similar to his father in a physical form, he seeks answers, and he asks questions. Questions not many ask. "Why didn't they stop him? Why was I such a coward? Do I deserve this pain?" The more he reflected on it, the more pained his heart became, and yet his anger about it keeps him going. Why does fate treat him so harshly? Is it because fate is unfair? Or does fate not like him? Only revenge fuels him. But he is trapped in a cage that no one can see. Not even his own family and friends. So he puts his thoughts into words, and his words into meaning, and his meaning into reason. Though there is light, he hides from it, resting only in the darkness, friends only to lightning and thunder.

To see the face of one he never got to know.... To see the face of one I never got to know. That is a thing worse than any murder, and it is a scar that time cannot heal. I seek peace, yet I am rewarded only with chaos. I am hunted by fear, yet it denies me death. I am hunted by the beast who hungers for my pain. It feeds on my pain, growing stronger each time it nourishes itself on my tears. Tears of blood are all I cry, and my sorrow haunts me from within my mind. My anger and resolve drive me to insanity, yet I resist the urge to fall into that pit. My resistance, however, weakens. Only time can tell what will happen next as I type these words. And only time can tell the story.