The Real Ghosts of Purgatory

"Who are you?" Tamryn asked.

"I'm your court appointed Ghost." I answered. Her face was frozen by botox, which was a shame because it was always fun to watch newly dead people's reaction to that. "My name is Kate Johnson."

"Court appointed ghost?" She asked incredulously. "Why does Heaven have court? That makes no sense."

"Neither does the fact that you're over 40 and acting like you're still in high school but who's keeping track." It seemed like her face was trying to move some more but it stayed in place like my hair did in the 80's. "Shall we get going to see whether you live or die?"

"I thought St. Peter flipped a coin or something."

"I think the peroxide and botox have combined to damage your brain."

"Aren't ghosts supposed to be nice?" Tamryn asked, venom in her voice.

"Sorry Casper was busy, you got me instead." Some people are just so rude. Did I say anything about her frozen face? And it
was more than difficult since there were a million and one jokes that I could have made about it. "Now let's see why you're here and not auditioning for The Real Whores of Some City."

Tamryn's shoulders tightened, and I'm certain her face would have been a mask of horror, had she been able to move any muscles in it. She brushed a strand of her dyed blonde hair back, and exhaled "Fine."

We went back in time, just a few weeks. The house was huge, bordering on being a mansion. Inside was just as extravagant, but it was what was happening in the bedroom that had my attention. Tamryn was in bed with a man.

"Do we have to see this? I didn't realize you were the ghost of Christmas past." She tried to look away but was unable to. Being in a flashback with a ghost meant that you had to witness whatever the scene was trying to show.

"Sorry this isn't A Christmas Carol, this is your real life." The couple finished in the bed and hurried to get dressed. No words were exchanged, so I had no idea what I had just witnessed. "What was that? I'm going to have to watch Magic Mike a thousand times to forget that man's wrinkly butt."

"I slept with a man who wasn't my husband. I cheated, and I ruined so many lives. That's why I'm here. I don't deserve to live. Nobody in this world cares about me."

"Well with a face like that, I certainly don't blame them." Her story made me feel something for her. Not exactly empathy, more like disgust. As the scene spun and blurred, I had no doubt that this was about to get worse. "What am I about to witness?"

Instead of the mansion, we were in an apartment. A girl who looked very much like Tamryn, was crying and throwing a vase. Why couldn't this one be on this journey with me? She seemed like a lot of fun, and best of all her face moved. "I just told my sister that I had been having an affair with her husband."

"You're like a soap opera character brought to life."

"It was an accident. No, he didn't trip and fall into me naked or anything like that." She couldn't even bring herself to look at me. Same as with her sister if I was reading the scene correctly. "The first time it happened, he thought I was Heather and I thought he was Scott. Then we figured we liked it so much, and never thought anyone would find out. The one day, he ended our affair and I confessed all."

"If Ghosts could get headaches, I think I would have one. How in the world did you people not know that you weren't sleeping with your respective partners? Are you all identical twins or something?"

"It sounds ridiculous but it's true. And after my sister said she never wanted to see me again, I swallowed a bunch of pills and then I met you. Please just let me slip into the Other World and not have to deal with this anymore." There was a sadistic part of me that really liked the pleading tone in her voice. Then there was the fact that her fate was literally left up to me, whatever I recommended would happen. "Without my sister, I don't know how to carry on."

"Didn't you think about that before you diddled her husband? I mean did you think that she would thank you for giving her a night off or something?"

"You don't understand. I mean how could you? You're like a thousand years old!"

"Yes but at least my face still moves, and I know right from wrong. Sleeping with someone not your husband, grey area. Sleeping with your sister's husband, who is not Channing Tatum, is wrong."

I sent a message to the higher ups, letting them know that this one needed to live. Having a face that didn't move was freaky enough, but what she did was so bad that she needed to face the consequences. Plus it would be kind of fun to watch her deal with the emotional fallout from her betrayal. Hey, when you're a ghost you have to make your entertainment. And there's only so many times you can make one of those real housewives look like they are lying about a disease before it gets old. I mean I haven't reached that point yet, but I'm sure I will at some point.

Once again we were transported to a new scene. Except this time, Tamryn was gone. She was laying on the bed, with nurses hovering around her. Just to add to the drama that she was already going to deal with, I decided to make her chart read that she was pregnant. She got herself into this mess.

Plus, who doesn't love a good whose the daddy of a fake baby story?