chapter 4

Chapter 4
All Aboard
Wendy, using just the slight pressure of her fingers on my elbow, steered me up the gang way of the “Madam Angelique,” the largest yacht/houseboat tied up at the Marina.
Slightly overwhelmed, I had nothing to say as I was ushered up the gangway into the Main Lounge of this huge Yacht. Tee sat in his wheel chair next to the conference table. Three folders laid on its top.
Tee’s voice was strained betraying his inner struggle to hold an avalanche of raw emotion at bay. “A few months ago when she stopped living aboard, Madam Angelique, our soul mother, left one for each of us in her office safe.” He quietly pushed a folder in front of each of us.
Wendy sat down and rummaged through her purse for a few seconds, and straightened up with something in her hand. “Tee, Daveed, I have three soda straws in my hand, You two pull a straw, the one left will be mine.” She laid them in a fan on the tabletop with her hand covering the bottom of the straws. “This is how Madam instructed me to break the ice for us.”
“Draw one Daveed.”
I couldn’t be sure who said that, Wendy or Madam’s ghost, who I knew wasn’t that far away.
I swear my fingers were pushed gently but firmly toward the straw on the right. “Oui, Madam.” I breathed nearly inaudibly. When I grasped that straw I had no doubt, it would be the shortest of all. I got the distinct feeling that “She” wanted me to go first.
Wendy moved the fanned straws across the table so that Tee could reach his easily without changing the position of his wheel chair. He held up his straw with a strange little smile on his face.
Wendy held hers up, it was easily the longest, the order that we would open our folders was established. Light reflected from tears trapped in the corners of her eyes, that threatened to break loose and run down her cheeks.
I silently prayed for the strength and courage to avoid messing up my last opportunity to put things right.
We sat down. “David” was printed with a broad marker across the front of my folder. The strings holding it together were tied in a bow knot.
Wendy took hers and placed her hands on top of her folder as if she were holding against what was struggling to get out, with the sheer force of her will.
When I pulled the string that bound mine together, something fluttered out. A single picture with “Christmas 1961” across its back lettered in broad strokes with a well worn fountain pen filled with iron blue ink.
I picked the picture up off the cool surface of the table. It felt hot, “radioactive,” as if it held the raw power of a mega-ton bomb. I slowly turned the picture over, my hands shaking violently from the stress. My eyes filled with tears as I re-experienced how it was in front of the Greyhound bus depot in New Orleans, La. on Christmas Eve 1961.
Our bus was late, so Wendy had to wait for nearly an hour. It was pitch dark by the time we got to New Orleans. When I saw the girl behind the wheel of the lipstick red convertible, my life changed. Her inner light was very much brighter than the light of the streetlamp reflecting off the polished chrome of the car.
She said, “Hey Sailors want a ride?” We all laughed at that. Tee stowed our luggage in the trunk. She stood between us holding the key. When she turned to face me I was totally lost for words.
When finally I could speak. “I’m David. Tee, didn’t tell me about you.” Our eyes met starting an electrical storm in my chest.
When Tee closed the trunk we stood three abreast. I grabbed the strap of my beloved Nikon camera and spoke to a skinny teen aged girl who was hurrying by. “Please take our picture, just point it, look through here, when we look good to you, just press this button.” The click of that shutter preserved this moment till now. I gave a silver dollar our very happy photographer.
The three of us stood in a line with our arms intertwined leaning against Madam’s blazing lipstick red 1949 Studebaker convertible, with a white leather soft top. Our faces were aglow with feeling. This picture was taken within seconds of my first meeting Wendy. I was already head over heels in love with her. I wondered if she felt the same lightning bolt that I did when our eyes met.
I look over at her, now, opening my heart and soul. It is as if no time had passed, and yet a whole lifetime has passed since that night. I had forgotten that this picture even existed.
Madam couldn’t have chosen a better way to shock me to attention. I slid the picture across to Wendy. “Remember this night?” I had a lump in my throat making it difficult to speak. I looked at her beautiful face across from me. The years have been kind to it. Although her hair has turned from gold to silver, her beautiful deep-sea blue eyes are still clear and bright. My heart thumped loudly in my chest. I still felt the same overwhelming attraction that I felt the night that picture was taken. For an instant I was not in control of myself. My hand slid close to hers my fingers rested across her hand. I felt a tremendous surge of energy from our connection.
“How could I ever forget, Daveed?” She slid the picture over to Tee, letting my fingers remain on the back of her hand.
Tee looked at the picture intensely. “Hmm, I guess I really started something that night.” He heaved a huge sigh. “You always were and always will be my best friend, Daveed. We gotta fill this awful space between us.”
“Tee that is why I am here. I love you both, you are the closest thing to a family that I have. I came here with no expectations. I wish I could undo my mistakes, but I will make peace with whatever happens.” My throat tightens with fear of being rejected, I want to do this right. I realize that I need them now more than ever. I attempted to avoid thinking about them during my exile. But now I am no longer a prisoner of my own stubbornness.
I looked at Wendy, she was even more beautiful now than what I remembered. She radiated the aura of all the good she has accomplished, in her Lifetime. I looked at Tee I thought,“He had balls enough to stay. Even without legs he still looked after everyone. All I did was run. I don’t belong here now, perhaps I never did.” My face flushed with shame as I paniced. I jerked my hand away breaking the powerful connection I had temporarily with Wendy. I stood up prepared to run, unsure of my ability to stand much less run. I was non-the-less poised to try to run away again from the only real love I have ever known.
(Sit down Daveed, relax, open your heart. It is within your power to heal each other)” Madam’s voice was unmistakable and her tone showed her annoyance with my behavior. She had my undivided attention as I looked up with amazement at our semitransparent parent who had materialized at the head of the table.
I sat back down, as commanded, and took a deep breath. I had no idea how to deal with this situation. Madam definitely didn’t want me to leave.
(“This may well be your last chance to understand everything, my children please use it well.”)
Her specter gave me a hard look then mouthed me a kiss signifying that I was forgiven. She began to disburse as rapidly as she had materialized, leaving the unmistakable fragrance of the unique cactus flower perfume which Madam Angelique always wore.
No one spoke or moved for several minutes. After what seemed like an eternity, I felt overwhelmed by the silence. I took my shot. I pushed the picture over to Wendy. I decided to tell her how I felt both then and now. How things go now depends on my ability to open my heart.
I say. “Look closely, Wendy, I was just struck by lightning. I didn’t believe in love then, especially love at first sight. Never before in all my life had I felt anything like what I was feeling when this picture was taken. As I stood there every cell in my body was resonating. For the first time in my life I felt completely alive! My whole world changed forever in that one instant.”
Tee cleared his throat, “Daveed I wondered what was on your mind when you sat in the back seat petting the soft white leather seat, all the way home.” He still has the ability to push my buttons. Even after all this time a wave of crimson washed over my face. I was unaware that I had been noticed.
I looked down at my fingertips remembering the softness of the leather and the even softer feel of Wendy’s skin under them. When I touched her with just my fingertips I could see pure energy radiating over the surface of her skin. A wave of goose bumps would lead my fingers to just where she wanted to be touched next. I want that again, just once, to make sure it wasn’t all a dream.
Wendy ran her fingers through her hair just above her left ear. I remembered kissing that ear, and lighting our whole world with the intensity of the energy that simple act released.
“Daveed, the same bolt of lightning hit me too. I had no idea, how or if, you could accept who I was or how I lived. I know you were definitely not expecting Madam or “The house of the Blue Fountain.” I was afraid and ashamed of what you might think. Could you ever understand where I came from, or the violence I had endured? Could you avoid thinking of me as just a whore, when we got to the house? I never really wanted anyone to “love” me before that night. But, somehow I knew that you already did. Our eyes had probed each other’s souls. It wasn’t like being sized up by a John. You looked right through my flesh at the real me. I could feel you there deep inside my beating heart.
“Wendy, I don’t believe it is possible to love anyone more than I love you, then and now. When Tee took us on the boat ride through the moonlit swamp I was transported to another world. The kisses and the warmth we shared as we snuggled under that blanket in the boat, took me to heaven. I remember watching the first rays of sun paint the mist gold with my arm around you. It was the perfect beginning to a fantasy love come true.”
“Daveed, I couldn’t understand why you didn’t at least try to touch my breasts. You didn’t even gently ‘feel me up’. I had no idea how normal people were supposed to react to each other. I wondered if you really didn’t like me. Yet something in your intense look caused every cell in my body to quiver with anticipation. I never experienced that before. I was so afraid that you would bolt, and hate me when you found out I worked for Madam. What would you think when you found out what kind of trash I came from? How could you love me?”
“Wendy, I was so afraid of doing something wrong. Besides you were my only friend’s sister. Not wanting to mess that up, I played it cool, I thought. It wasn’t easy as I had no applicable healthy experience with women to guide me. I didn’t want you to think I was a freak.”
“You both were like deer in the headlights, both of you looked like you could flee at any second,” laughed Tee.
“I wanted my two best friends in the world to like each other. That night was something else, easily the most powerful event I ever witnessed. You merged at a basic level in a way that surrounded you with warm light. I was elated and afraid for you both because, I understood that you both, like me, were seriously damaged goods. I looked at you two snuggled together in a state of bliss and wondered what would happen when the elephant in the room was exposed.”
“Yes Wendy, when I found out that you worked at Maison de la Fountain Bleu I freaked out, but even the shock of that was not enough to dull my feelings for you. The most powerful event in my life had just happened. I couldn’t jump to any conclusions with only part of the information. I damn sure was not in a place to judge anything, or any one. We all sure as hell grew up differently than most people do. I really think a serious examination of what we have in common and then sharing our true feelings will reveal unexpected answers to all the questions arising from looking in our folders. I am thankful for this second chance to understand one another.”
Tee opened his folder. The main item in it was a Diary that he had kept while we were in Nam. The rest was a collection of school pictures, and “before Viet Nam snapshots.” After he lost his legs, he didn’t let anyone take his picture. He fanned out the pictures almost like playing cards.
“Daveed, a very important picture is missing. There is supposed to be a picture of the three of us at your and Wendy’s wedding.” I would pose for that picture in a heartbeat. I hope it’s not too late, for that to happen.”
I touched the little box in my pocket wondering what lay ahead.
Wendy opened her folder. The first thing out was two pictures mounted on the same back. The first was of a barefoot little waif standing in front of Thelma’s Motel. The second was of the same little girl after a miraculous make over standing on the steps of La Maison de la Fountainbleu.
She showed me the picture. These were taken the day I met Madam Angelique. I have a lot to share with you about what lead up to this day.
“Daveed. look.” Tee pointed at a xerox copy of a newspaper article which fluttered out of my folder, landing on the deck, face up.
My Father’s face suddenly stared up at me looking just like he had the last time I saw him. It was a picture that someone had unofficially snapped outside the briefing room, just as he was leaving for the last time in the B52 which sitting out on the line, with its engines warming up.
Three copies of that picture appeared in the morning mail inside a condolence card along with a note scrawled in nearly illegible long hand. “Thought he might want you to have these. If you need more call me. Signed Mike.” I don’t remember a Mike from that time, but I clearly remember the pictures sitting side by side in the small white envelope in my mother’s quivering hand.
Mother picked one out and held it close to her heart, moaning in pain. She said, “I want to frame one. You put these away somewhere safe.” Handing me the envelope she headed up stairs to the master bed room. I heard her sobbing as she closed the door.
That night I decided to call in a couple favors from working at the Rapid City Journal. The next morning when the editor of the paper sat down at his desk, a manila envelope with certain information about my Father’s life was on the very top. I enclosed one picture and a message, brief and to the point lettered carefully on school loose-leaf paper. I didn’t sign it, I didn’t think that I needed to. The editor made a brief call to the public information officer at the base to verify the crash I mentioned and he had his story, and was given permission to use the information. Dad forever became a part of the history of Ellsworth, AFB.
I can’t explain how the hell a xerox copy of that short article, published on Jan 11 1951, turned up now. A picture of my father and the account of his crash into a mountain on his last brave mission to Korea, had made page one that day with a bit of help. “Tee, How did she get this?!!”
“Madam always got the information she wanted from wherever it was buried regardless of the cost.”
“How long do you think she has had this?”
Tee looked at it shaking his head. “The information stamped on this copy is 1962 “xerox copies.” Rapid City, SD. The top was trimmed off along with the first part of the date. Even if we could establish an accurate date this copy was made: It doesn’t mean it came directly into her possession then. But my best guess is she has had this for a long time.”
“Tee, I always wondered why, Madam seemed to have a unique ability to understand just what I needed At any particular time. Things I was unable to put into words. Sometimes I felt there was a window into my soul that only she could see into.”
Wendy quietly sat there drinking in every bit of truth she could glean from our exchange.
“She loved you like a son Daveed, that is why she went to such lengths to understand you,” said Tee.”
“In the last letter I sent to her before we anchored in Biloxy Bay for R&R that Christmas; I told her that you were probably the most alone person I had ever met, and asked permission to bring you home for Christmas. I told her the very little I knew of your past and she insisted that I should bring you home and that she would have Wendy pick us up at the bus-station. She and I both agreed that you two would probably like each other. The rest is history.”
“Tee, I know that madam did not have a malevolent bone in her body, but I still can’t understand why no one ever told me that Malcolm is my son. If I had known I would have dropped everything and come home to be the father I never had. Wendy please help me here.”
“Wendy spoke right up. We wanted you to be free to do what you were destined to do. You had never mentioned marriage, and I guessed that you suspected I had gone back to work while you were away at Coronado. You were totally wrong about that. Our first time together changed that forever. I never wanted anyone else for love or money. I guess I should have told you that. But after all aren’t whores notorious liars?”
“Oh yes, Wendy, it crossed my mind that you were up to old tricks when Madam came to see me instead of you. She told me I had to give you room, that your life had experienced a large change. A few weeks later “some kind soul” sent me a picture taken after you had begun to show. I was mortified. I was jealous, angry and frustrated. I realized that I had waited much too long to give you the ring which I purchased with my performance bonus for wording the contract between Seward Engineering and the Navy. Ironic, that, in giving me a way to buy that ring it also provided the wedge which drove us apart. I was now on the Navy’s radar as one they wanted back in their fold.”
“Neither of you knew that I bought this. I’ve kept it long enough.” I touched the ring box in my shirt pocket. “I’ve had it since two weeks before the night the Navy called me up and changed our lives. I wish I had forced another time to give it to you. For reasons I didn’t understand, you started avoiding me. I had no idea you were pregnant the last few times I talked to you on the phone. I remember how cool and stilted our conversations were. Now I know why.”
I opened the well worn ring box and set it on the table. “Wendy, please, it’s yours. I’ve just been saving it for you. If it is too late to ask the question that usually accompanies a ring like this, then keep the ring and know it has helped keep you close to me all these years.” I slip the brilliant cut, blue white, diamond ring on her finger. Amazingly it fits, perfectly.
“Daveed, Daveed, Daveed” she said around the lump in her throat with tears streaming down her cheeks. “The night we made Malcolm was the same night you got the call from the Navy. I wish you had given me the ring right then. It could have changed everything. After I discovered that I was pregnant my life damn sure changed. I did not want to quit school, and you didn’t need to drag a pregnant wife with you to live alone in Naval housing while you were off doing what you thought was right. The chances for our marriage vanished when you said yes to the Navy without consulting me! It took awhile for me to realize we had no chance at success from then on.”
Before this point, we had both skirted the edges of the truth without ever giving each other quite enough information to make peace with it. Wendy was being more open and honest than ever before. I realized it was my turn.
“Wendy, I had dreams of what it would be like married to you. I wanted at least one child. I don’t know if wanting to be a good parent would have been enough. God knows I never had much example of healthy parenting. I just wish you had let me try.”
She looked directly into my eyes shoving aside any hesitation that I was feeling about explaining, my secret.
“Wendy my mother died in a mental hospital after my father was killed in Korea so I was kind of on my own from then until you all took me in and tried to make me human. I can only thank you for that. Wendy and Tee. I believe that Madam knows what she did for me.” I choked back the wave of emotion which was overpowering me. I was always afraid that her insanity was in my blood.
“I just don’t know why Madam felt that I didn’t deserve a chance to raise my son.”
Wendy said, “Madam and I both had too much experience with brutal drunks. Daveed, you were well on your way to hurting someone in a drunken rage when we sent you away to Hazelden. Even if your anger was mostly directed at yourself it easily could have spilled over on us. We hoped that you would heal and return to us later. I waited hoping we would have the opportunity to forgive each other. We were both hurt and puzzled when you cut off all communication with us. If we had forced the issue and told you about Malcolm, you would have been reluctant to hold still for our obvious manipulation. I decided to wait you out. I just didn’t realize it would be this long.” Her eyes filled with tears.
I gave her some time then I looked up Wendy’s eyes as she put her hand on mine. She has smile lines, now at the corners of her eyes. “Wanna ride Sailor,” she says laughing through her tears. “I said that to you guys in front of the bus station that night just before the picture was taken.”
“Isn’t it a little late now.” I said. “I don’t think that you want to give me a ride anywhere except perhaps on the toe of your boot.”
Wendy said, “We make the rules for the rest of our time, together, Daveed. No one can point fingers and blame anyone else for what we all let happen.”
“Thanks for everything, please forgive me for being an ass just now. I really am tired and getting grouchy. I need to recharge. Could you show me where I could catch a nap, seeing as how you two own this “tub” now.”
Tee said,“This “tub” is just out of the yards, good as new, maybe even better. I designed the refit, wait till see your stateroom.” “Wendy knows the way she will show you.”
I looked at her and saw traces of an old familiar look. My heart began thumping loudly in my chest, but something in me wanted her to share exactly what I was feeling.
“Wendy, do you remember when we necked in Tee’s boat and woke up with the sun in our faces. Want to try it again?”
She laughed softly as we reached for the latch on the door at exactly the time. As we both touched brass there was a brilliant flash. Static electricity or something else?
I held the door for her. The stateroom was huge. A leather covered upholstered couch faced a huge glass window. “There are blankets under here or there is a king size bed over there,”she pointed in its direction.
I touched her shoulders, with both my hands gently turning her to face me. “Wendy, it would mean so much to cuddle with you like we did then.” She stepped closer and rested her chin on my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. We stood like that for a long time then I tilted her chin upward with my hand so I could kiss her lips. Ever so softly I kissed her at first then we both kissed harder. It seemed like we were melting together Her senses were open to me and mine to her. I want this to last forever.
The intercom clicked as Tee came on. “Um I think you should know we are getting underway. The crew is aboard and I’m going to try to get out of Lake Pontchartrain ahead of the storm. It’s a big one! It would be a good idea to confront the forces of the wind and the storm surge by being somewhere else in nice deep water when they arrive. Daveed I don’t think you had time to notice all your baggage is in your stateroom. Any reason that you don’t want to go? Do you have anywhere else you need to be, Daveed? Speak now or forever hold your peace.” I smiled at his reference.
“Get us going Tee. I trust your judgment. I have something I need to do. Just now.”
“What is it that you need to do Daveed?”whispers Wendy into my ear.
“I have a question for you. I took her left hand and knelt somewhat painfully in front of her with her fingers pressed to my lips. Wendy is it too late to ask you to marry me?”
“Yes,” she said. I felt that one word hit me like a spear in my chest. When she saw my face she exclaimed. “Daveed are you alright?” Then it dawned on her that I thought that she felt it was too late. “Yes, Daveed, I will marry you. I do not ever wish to hurt you again.” She leaned over and kissed me.
“Nor I you.” I moved to the love-seat to rest my legs. My arms were aching to be around the object of my desire after all this time. I had never allowed myself to believe this could ever happen again.
She went into the head and emerged dressed in a huge robe. I knew she didn’t have much on underneath. She hung up the slacks and top she was wearing earlier in the open closet. “There will be another robe in the closet. Get in it and come to bed.”
I hung my clothes up next to hers and wrapped the huge robe around me and crawled into the king sized bed next to her. My robe came off under the spread as had hers. I guess neither of us was eager to reveal the ravages of time for inspection.
We spooned together, my arms around her. I gently cupping her breasts with my hands. We melted together like two candles burning in the same dish. A slight movement of the yacht announced that we were on our way out to deeper water. The gentle rocking was calming and peaceful.
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