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He chased me and I ran... |
He chased me and I ran until the sun went down. He chased me for "a smile", he said, to which I only frowned. He chased me and I ran again and my mother saw me, but not my brother he was too young to... I wouldn't talk, I couldn't talk, eyes wide open fearful glance red flag, green flag no lap dance. He chased us and we ran, he said he'd steal us both, he'd show up at our school and the border was real close. He chased us and we ran, as far away as we could, but the monster was there when I looked in the mirror and I couldn't forget his name. Bill Walker is a monster and he lived inside of me every self-defacing, suicidal, worthless version of me. Five years have gone by, the doctors say I'm going blind, all that country air has helped me clear my mind. My mother's gone again Bill Walker's at her side, "he's changed", she said and they want me by their side. "The city's too much for your brother." "It'll eat him up and spit him out" But... I could never leave him behind. Off we went to the city, and it didn't take very long before the chase had started again, now that the teenager me was born. Forlorn and lost; why must family be this way? My brother's doing crack in class, and I should have NEVER taken him away. Bill Walker is a monster and he lives inside of me manifested into every man that ever looked at me. The assaults just keep on coming, somethings got to stop!! Why is it that they see me as someone they can push me force me not be held responsible for anything they've done! The chase is still ongoing and I don't know what I've done. Bill Walker is a monster, and now I've given in, to his concept of me as a woman-child of sin. My mother says I'm stripper worthy, so why not give it a try? She drops me off 18 and scared, trying not to cry. Now I'm 22 A stripper's life I've lived, I never knew at 22 all that writing that I did was worthy?! ...until I went back to school. The teacher's raved about my brain. Man, have I been such a fool? I left that life behind me, to College I would go! Bill Walker couldn't stop me, His grip was letting go. When 9/11 happened I was sitting in first class, the fear and hatred and revenge had found me again at last. There was a monster inside me and I had to let it go but first I had to face it or down we both would go. Now I'm in my 40's I have made my peace In writing this, I reminisce, Lord, that river runs really deep. There's a monster deep down inside me. It's hateful speech and thirst for pain reminds me where I've been. With all that I have gained I embrace that pain so that healing can begin. There's a monster deep down inside me - but that monster isn'tme. |