When Pigs Fly

When Pigs Fly

John had the newspaper spread out on the floor. He turned each page, searching each column.

“Have you heard the news?” asked Janie.

“That’s what I’m looking for, the news.” John continued searching each line in each column of each page of newsprint.

Janie sat beside him. “You won’t find it in there. It’s on CNN, on Facebook, on YouTube, on Twitter, on TikTok, on Instagram, even on talk radio. Really John, get over your bias. Those are valid news outlets. You can trust them.”

“When pigs fly, then I’ll trust what those talking heads say and internet idiots spew.” John grabbed another newspaper and continued his search.

The two sat in silence, Janie on her computer, John rummaging in newspapers.

Suddenly John yelled, “I found it! I knew it was here!”

He ripped the article out of the paper, threw it down on Janie’s computer.

“There you go, the news from the paper.”

Janie read the story, then said, “That’s yesterday’s news. Everyone but you knows that happened. They caught the culprits.”

“Really? How did I miss…”

“You drive by that gas station every morning, didn’t notice it closed? The cops? Seems someone embezzled money, a real scandal.”

John went back to the papers, ripped out another article. “What about this one?”

“Another coup in one of the ‘stans’? That happens all the time in the middle east, more old news.”

John had another article. “What about this one?” The headline read: “Massive Alien Attack Imminent!”

“That’s it! That’s the news…”

“And you believe the internet? I believe what is printed. Why aren’t we evacuating or something?”

“Too late. They’re already here. That’s what I came to tell you. The piggies are flying, John!” Jane opened the curtains to show aliens flying through the air.