Mandy: Lonely

The bedroom had a dim light shining in from under the door, she could hear the soft banging from the dryer in the hall and her mother clanking away in the kitchen. Linney has been awake for hours cleaning the house in her manic state. Mandy lifted her phone to her face squinting her eyes when the bright blue light came on. 4:00 A.M. why is she awake so early? The school doesn’t start till 8:30, a whole four and a half hours away. She clicked her phone off and closed her eyes tight imagining herself asleep peacefully.

Beep...Beep...Beep... The alarm went off and Mandy shot out of bed startled because she had just closed her eyes. Big breath in long breath out. She kept telling herself that she was trying to handle the thought of going to school today. The past month was a nightmare for her and her friends weren’t much help.

The school appeared in her sight when she turned the corner and the cloud of misery swept over her head. “Why do I even keep coming back here!?” she screamed at the steering wheel as she was pulling into the parking lot. She parked into a spot and looked around for a moment trying to avoid negative thoughts about school after speaking them into existence. She spotted her friend Shawn across the parking lot with Josh and Carol. Shawn was beautiful, she had jet-black hair that framed her face. A figure any guy could want with the giant boobs to go with it. Mandy felt like a potato standing next to her feeling as insecure as ever while admiring her friend. Shawn spotted her and waved like a mad woman to get Mandy to come over.

“Want a brownie, Mandy? Josh made them fresh this morning, hopefully, it hits me before lunch,” she said with a mouth full of brownies as she handed it to Mandy. As she was reaching for it, josh grabbed her hand and got close to her face “You can have it if you come over today after school.”. She looked down then back up at him “Josh, I am not going to sleep with you for a fucking brownie.” then she ripped her hand from his and took the sloppy dessert from Shawn. Shawn laughed choking on her treat while Josh smiled and turned to Carol striking up their conversation.

When the bell rang the cloud reappeared over Mandy's head as her friends walked away from her. She never even noticed she was as miserable as she was. She just kept dragging through the day keeping her head down unless she was with her friends. It wasn’t always like that for her at school because school was the one place she could go to be away from her mom but, when Josh got caught selling Faith pills everything changed. The day before they let Josh come back to school since they had no evidence that he sold drugs, the school decided to separate everyone in the friend group. The only class they could not separate Mandy and Shawn in was art.

The only reason that class stuck with them was that Shawn’s mom came up to the school and let them have it. It was their dream to become artists and they were well advanced. The teacher had to give them special assignments because the other students in the class did not care much for art. Mandy was excited to go to that class but even in there, she felt her cloud. She didn’t understand why it wasn’t disappearing. Shawn was standing right in front of her as bright as the sun but she didn’t feel her warmth. Mandy forced herself to smile and engaged in conversation as they worked on their project. She mostly listened to her friend go on and on about this guy and that guy.

As Mandy made her way to her car after school, she could hear someone shouting her name behind her. It was Josh, and when she could hear his footsteps, she groaned. Turning around to face him she rolled her eyes and then said “What do you want dude?” “Wow, is that any way to talk to your friend? Young lady you should show more kindness.”. Mandy just stared at him waiting for him to continue his annoying show. “Come with me.” he said looking hopeful “I have to go home and you know that. If I am late, it could make her fly into a rage. I’m not going through that again especially when I have nowhere to go Josh.”. He looked down at the ground with anger across his face. This made Mandy yank back a little with the fear of not knowing what he was about to say. She did not want to hear another word come out of his mouth, she wanted just to turn around and get in her car but her feet wouldn’t let her. “You didn’t even tell me you were sleeping in your car Mandy! I learned that today from Maddie who I thought you didn’t like anymore!?” he paused to see if she was going to say anything. She didn’t, instead, she got in her car and left. Josh just stood there wondering why she wouldn’t talk to him and why she would rather sleep in her car and not confide in her actual friends.

Mandy’s house was nice and she always loved it there. Her mom always kept it clean and the outside-looking Home and Garden magazine. Linney was an award-winning botanist before she started having episodes. Mandy loved going into the garden with her mom and learning about the different flowers and bugs that came to live there. Before she got out of her car, she looked at the front flower beds that lay empty and cold. She thought maybe she should plant some and that would make her mom happy. Maybe if she was surrounded by flowers again the madness will be locked away for at least a moment. Finally, she opened the car door and headed inside not being noticed by her mom in the slightest.

When Mandy entered her room she looked around and listened to the quiet. She had nothing to do but wanted to do many things. Instead, she slipped into her bed and went to sleep to avoid her thoughts and she was, in many different ways, lonely.